Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Very uneasy

About a year ago, I was reading a magazine at the oncologist's office. It offered what seemed to be factual, hopeful information. It was free to subscribe, so I did. Each ensuing issue has brought new worries to me.

This past issue made it seem that breast cancer is going to invade the bones - at some point. It followed three women. One had developed bone cancer after about 5 years and another it was as long as 22 years. When the breast cancer invaded their bones, they were moved to Stage 4 cancers

The article tried to sound upbeat. Even though bone cancer is not curable, it is manageable. Whoopie doo! You are suddenly a Stage 4.

I have been worrying anyway. My fatigue is such that I can hardly function. I keep hoping it is due to a lack of exercise. I am going to invest in a recumbent stationary bike. I think it will be easier on my knees than a treadmill. My daughter loves the elliptical and swears it is easy on the knees, but you still have to stand to use it.

I guess in my skewed brain, I really thought I would live forever. I am suddenly very aware of my mortality. There are precious few years left out there - even without the cancer. I just think of all the things I'm going to miss. That stinks! (Very selfish isn't it? - but I guess that's me)


Anonymous said...

There comes a point when too much education and information gets in the way of your life. I tend to think too much about life with and after BC, so I've stopped reading and put my head back in the sand! Nothing I can do that I haven't already done to stop the BC and as long as I continue to see my doctor for the follow up visits, I'm ok with being "clueless" about what might or might not happen next.

My fatigue comes from the drug I take to stop what little estrogen I'm producing and that might be your problem as well. I hate the sore muscles and leg cramps, too.

Hang in there.


Grandma K said...

Once again, thank you LeeAnn!! I need to just stop reading and thinking. I need to live in the moment. What is going to happen is going to happen. I'll just turn it over to the professionals!

I forgot that little pill can cause fatigue. I do remember that that one coupled with the cholesterol pill can and will cause muscle soreness and leg cramps. I want to put it all off to the arthritis.

Thanks again for putting me back on track! I need that.