Saturday, January 14, 2017

Life goes on

And with it will be a celebration this evening.  My oldest granddaughter, Katie, is turning 16 on Tuesday, but she is having a surprise party tonight.  I don't know if a "surprise" is going to happen.  It is really hard to keep that kind of a secret, but it might be.

She is playing in a water polo tournament today.  I understand third hand they handily won their first game 16-2 with Katie making at least 5 of those goals with the defense hanging all over her.  She will be leaving before the last game which is about 5 this evening.  Hope the rest of the team can hold up!

She has been told she is leaving early because a family friend is coming from Wisconsin for a dinner with her and the family to celebrate her birthday.  Fortunately, he is also coming for business that he could arrange to coincide with her birthday.  But instead of dinner - they will be coming to the party.  I hope it does surprise her.  But I am having trouble with this little thing that I kept while mom worked for almost two years, the light of my life really, is almost grown!
Yesterday TJ's hunters were to go to pick up their blinds and feeders.  I just hope DH wasn't there.  I am not sure he plans to live there, so with any luck, all went smoothly for them.  I became Facebook friends with one of the guys.  They are such nice men.  When they began hunting there I thought they were just some typical DH friends.  Most of them are real asses.  It wasn't until I found out how much they helped TJ that my attitude changed.  They are grown men with great jobs - electricians.  They tried to help DH, but of course being such a turd, that wasn't going to happen.  Then to find how much they REALLY cared for TJ melted my heart.  I just wish we could offer them hunting on our  place, but our hunters have been with us over 20 years, and help us like those guys helped TJ.  Wouldn't trade them for the world.
The youngest of the grandchildren had his fifth birthday on the 12th.  With all going on, I haven't even thought of a gift for him.  There is not a thing in this world he needs, and I don't know what he wants.  Last Sunday night I would have cheerfully given him a spanking for his actions while we were at the SSB, but that isn't being a nice Grandma! He was into everything, and when I told him not to do something, he just looked me in the eyes and went right on.  You just don't know how tempting it was.  Yes, I did believe in spanking my own - even if it weren't often.  That action of his would have granted him a good one.  When he broke the plate because he was acting like a fool didn't make me very happy either.  If truth be told, all three of them were rather terrible that night!  They were so terribly loud, even the dog was upset.  He refused to eat.  They never stopped until bed time.

So I am off for now with a silent prayer that things remain calm for a while.

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Memorial Service

As we were getting to the church, a gold Toyota small pickup came flying through the intersection of our county road and the farm road.  I remarked that was DH.  Daughter said the same.

We got to the church, and his dad was on his cell.  He looked agitated.  And come to find out (later). he was - most definitely.

We had arrived 45 minutes before the service.  Some were up in the Fellowship Hall. It was COLD - 12 degrees when we woke up.  We all had enough coffee so we went into the church.  My SIL and BIL were there and we made small talk.  As time went on, friends and relatives began to filter in.  I was amazed that family that had made the 6 hour trip from Pearland.  But they did.  We talked to them quite a lot.

The service began.  DH was not there.  When it came time for remembrances from friends and family, DH's dad stood.  He said his son wasn't there because he had gone back to the ranch to get some scarves for the women in attendance.  Then he gave his talk which was really touching.  He said even though they divorced, they really had a good marriage, and they had been talking a lot over the last four months.  I am sure it was about all the legal trouble DH was in, but never the less - they were on good terms.

At the reception, DH did show with his blood red eyes and barely able to stand.  He stayed for a while - pretty much avoiding everyone.  Floozie was in the same condition.  After about 30 minutes they were gone again.

I talked to the dad.  He was actually good.  He is fed up with DH.  Someone asked what was going to happen to the property, and he said he honestly didn't know.  He would try to help DH as much as possible.

Frankly, I am still so down on that kid (of 25 - 26 next week) that I really would like to see him fall flat on his ass.  I am hoping I will soon be rid of this feeling.  I hope I can forgive him.  I just know it is going to take me a LONG time.

Friday, January 06, 2017

How are we?

I have been asked how we are at this point.  The realities have settled in.  The acceptance has begun.  I still think of TJ often.  I am remembering all the good things about her.  She was one of the kindest people I have ever known.  Even when she was in the depth of her last psychotic episode, she was still sweet and kind.  Her behaviors were obviously bizarre, but her gentleness was still there.

I think of her son.  That still is disturbing to me.  I haven't shared his actions with BIL, but I honestly believe he will show everyone his true colors soon.

G has been so strong - until he posted her passing on his FB page.  When he thought I wasn't aware, I saw he did finally break down.  At the beginning, he did say he would/could never forget finding her body.  Nor will I but obviously it was far more for him.

Her memorial service is Sunday.  We are back in Houston and will head out tomorrow morning.  Of course, the weather, as January weather is in Texas is horrid.  Many of you will think of is as babies, but we are not accustomed to highs in the 30's and low in the 20's. We will probably have ice on the roads, and my son and his family will probably still leave tonight.  That worries me.  I just read from a neighbor that it was 18 this morning and will not get above freezing today.  But he is a careful person.  He will be OK.

I am still worried about the service itself.  I hope Druggie's dad has been schooling him on the proper behavior of a child whose mother has passed.  I worry about him and the hunters meeting.  I just don't know what will happen, I just pray for peace.

We are awaiting the results of the autopsy.  Don't know what it will reveal.

thank you.  GK

Sunday, January 01, 2017

Sincere thank you to all

Yesterday, I was still reeling from the happenings of the last couple of days.  I had to divest myself of the thoughts and pain.  My post probably was hard to follow, and perhaps even not making any sense.  My pain is still with me.  It will be with me for a long time I am afraid.

To give a little background that might make those ramblings a little clearer I will give some history here.  My SIL is G's sister.  G is the oldest, his brother is a middle child, and the sister was the baby.  She was 65 when she passed.

It's time to give some information about her.  Her name was Tommie Jean, with TJ as her nickname.  She was, of course, the light of her parents' eyes.  That is both good and bad.  To be honest, being the only girl AND the baby - she was spoiled.

TJ, in her early years - like college years - had a drug problem.  Her parents found her once in her apartment pretty close to having overdosed on hydrocodone.  This was something that followed her for a number of years.  I believe she pretty much got away from the heavy drugs, but she still did marijuana.  In fact - the sheriff found her "stash" while investigating her death.  The marijuana wasn't in plain sight, but her pipes were.

If TJ wanted a new car - she got a new car.  Whatever she wanted, she got.  Of course, the brothers got an "equal" amount of cash out of the deal.  Parents tried to be fair.

TJ married when she was mid-twenties.  What a blow out her reception was!  No expense was spared.  But the marriage didn't last.  Her husband wanted children even though he knew she did not.  He found a child and arranged a private adoption.  This child is the one who was celebrating TJ's death and his inheritance of her property.  He will be referred to for now as DH.

DH has always had problems.  He is dyslexic, ADHD, and from what I just found out he also has anger issues - severe ones.  I don't believe his drug habits came from the parents, he was simply one of those kids who didn't fit in, so the most accepting group is the other kids who don't fit in either.  And those kids have problems.  He has been in trouble with the law numerous times.  It was just the group he ran with.

After the marriage dissolved, her mother was so worried she would never have a house of her own.  I still don't fully understand that dilemma, but that was the overriding thought when their will was drawn up, and the properties divided.  TJ was to get the land with the house that is part of the properties here around our SSB property.  She was also to get the house the parents were living in.  With her getting the house here, that put her right in the middle of all the land.  Brother got the "mountain" which is the property G wanted.  Brother wanted the house so badly.  We got the "new" addition to the property that had absolutely NO improvements.

When TJ lost her job as a Special Ed teacher because she forged a legal Special Ed document, she needed to have a place to live.  So she packed up everything and moved to the house up here.  From that time on - it has been a huge mess.  At one time she had the furniture that was there plus all the furniture from her apartment.  Things got worse from there.  Her mental illness overtook everything.  The last thing she needed was to live up here, miles from civilization, alone.  She spiraled down and down.

Last year she had a crisis.  She was sure that her house had been invaded by ticks that were brought in with firewood.  She said they were crawling on and under her skin.  She has a meltdown in a PCP's office, and in fact, the law was called.  Brother got her into a mental facility where she got intensive therapy.  It was going well until DH checked her out.  The road had been rocky since.  But DH still didn't come up to check on her.  He sent a friend who was just as bad as he is turning out.

We still don't know exactly when she died.  We found her on the 30th.  We know she went to Austin on the 25th, and we are pretty sure she went into Tiny Town (again - no real names) on the 27th.  There was a half of a gallon of milk in the backseat of her truck, and the sheriff did find a receipt from the grocery store dated the 27th.

Now to DH.  We have never been close to him.  Brother and other SIL had them living with them for a while, so they know them better.  DH's father got fed up with DH about 8 years ago and kicked him out of the house.  DH came out here to live with TJ.  It was a very rocky time.  He fount the underbelly of the small town and got into drugs and other bad things.  The sheriff knew him well.  He would roam around the countryside. A relative (and we are mostly all relatives) at the end of the road
found him peeking in the old house that had been her mother-in-law's.  She told him if she ever caught him on her property again, she would shoot him.

One day when we were here, DH and a "friend" just walked over to "say hello."  I do not believe nor will I ever believe that was their intention.  Recently he and his girlfriend of 5 or so years broke up.  Apparently, he had physically attacked her to the extent EMS was called.  She has a restraining order out against him.  Nice person (who is probably about 24 now).

Would I have ever believed this would be something that happened in my family?  Absolutely not.  We are what I thought to be a normal upper-middle class family.  We have strong religious backgrounds, and pretty much well educated.  This is something that I always presumed to be completely out of character.

TJ's problem was always mental illness.  Her mother, while never formally diagnosed nor treated was mentally ill, and grandmother was treated with Electro-shock therapy.  It is in the family.  But a kid going bad, and remaining bad is something else.  He cannot hold a job.  As the former girlfriend said, he has a violent temper, a total liar, and nothing is ever his fault.

So now he has suddenly a  net worth in excess of $500,000 or perhaps even more.  Just the land is worth about $400,000, and I believe she still had some of the money she inherited.  He doesn't know a thing about how to handle this.  We are thinking he will sell the property.  And from there  It will probably all go into drugs.  I told G that I fully expect that we, in our 70's, will outlive DH. Again, thank you for your comments. This is a rough time, and it isn't over. I was so surprised to hear from DH"s dad that there will be a memorial service - next Sunday. So now I had to get ready for that. Facing those people isn't going to be an easy task. But we will get through it.