Exciting days

Yesterday was another test of the Grandma's Lack of Technological Sense.  Thanks to my dear internet friend Judy, I got to play with our "new" home theater system.  The thing is at least three years old, and I still fight it.

I was going to watch the wonderful Adele DVD.  Oh, that meant that I had to put the DVD in the player.  That part I remembered.  Then came the real fun.  I had to get sound out of the speakers AND a picture on the screen.

You have to understand that I have trouble switching from regular tv to surround sound, and getting the radio on - well, let's just say that I try for about 15 minutes, then walk away!

So I loaded the DVD.  The easy part.  Then I began trying to get the sound. I finally got that, all the while knowing that I would never get to listen to Prairie Home Companion on Sunday again!

Then I tried everything I could think of to get the picture.  I knew G wouldn't settle for sound only with something completely off the subject on the screen.

I fiddled and fiddled.  Then the memory came flooding back into my feeble (post menopausal, post chemo) brain.  I needed yet another remote.  This action required three remotes.  You see, our fancy, expensive all in one remote that never worked properly is dead.  It is beyond revival.

We watch so many DVD movies I forgot how to work all that stuff.  When I got the third remote out, I remembered how to control the input, and viola, there was the picture.  I did it.  I had sound - out of the speakers, and an image on the screen.

We sat back and enjoyed the concert - greatly!!

Today began as a good day.  I got to sleep in!!!  We went to the Wednesday prayer and communion service, bought Daughter's birthday gift,and then found a new Italian restaurant.  The food was delightful as well as inexpensive.

That was the end of the beautiful day.  As we had already backed out of the parking space and were getting ready to pull out, there was a loud explosion sounding thingy.  I thought the car (yes, the "new" one) had blown up or something.  Nope - some little girl was in a hurry to leave and backed into us. So my bright, shiny new Toyota has a big boo-boo on the back.

What's even worse, I am hoping this is just nerves, but my sciatica, which has been hurting anyway again, is killing me.  I know when I get upset, it will hurt.  The back tightens up a lot.  Well ...  It is tight !  And I am upset. So, what will tomorrow bring?  We'll see.

Peace.

Today is the day

Well - Simone and Angelica will finally attend the "meet and greet" today during the cocktail hour.  We will see what happens.  They have slept side by side in their crates for two nights now.  Angelica has had her crate in the den when we are up so she has been pretty much a part of family life albeit as an observer.  The cat - well, I don't know how that is going to go.  I really suspect it will not be pretty.  I wish at this point he still had his front claws (I know- brutal surgery and all, but I wouldn't have any furniture - or hands left for that matter).  He could teach her that cats are nothing to fool with.

I am praying that they get along famously.  Otherwise I really do not know what I am going to do Tuesday for the six hour trip to the SSB.  G asked me last night just what my famous plans for that trip are.  Well, don't know.  The back seat of an F150 - even crew cab - is small.  I didn't realize until we took the first trip in it. We were so used to the troop carrier (the old F250).

At least I got Daughter interested in the Boxer Rescue group.  She is contemplating fostering also.  She may have to foster this one.

Just very, very nervous, and I have to get over that immediately.  They will be able to tell if I can't act calm, assertive, and sure of the event.  We will see.  Oh, how I wish I could see a segment of Dog Whisperer that covered this again.

Peace.

Shouldn't be here

OK - here's the scene as I know it right now. The house is put on the market priced far above its real value. A buyer comes in and buys it ( and that results in the rest of the houses in the area to have their values for taxes rise!). He appears to be an older gentleman, and the gossip around the area says he paid cash. The house was paid for in cash - no mortgage. Gossip says he lives in the north (Michigan ?), but his father lives in the neighborhood and he wants to have a place to stay when he is here.

That's all well and good, but he wasn't here but a bit after buying the house. He moved a young Mexican lady along with her two children (one about 12 at the time and the other 4) into the house. She is the one there most of the time - except when she returns to Mexico. Some question about the relationship there. Someone said she was the housekeeper. Hmmm.

That was four years ago. Come to the present. The lady has had ICE problems, as well as child services called. When she returns to Mexico, the children often don't accompany her. Last year they were celebrating someone's birthday. Some of the neighbor kiddos were in attendance. OK - swim party, fun. Yes, until it was time to begin to prepare the meal. The menu called for cabrito. A good Mexican specialty food. It is a barbequed kid - no, a baby goat. Did they buy it at a carneceria? Perhaps, but it was alive when is was brought home. The kids - uh, children - at the party got to witness the goat being hauled up on the basket ball goal to have its neck slid. Yeah, that went over really well with the visitors.

Most recently, there were a lot of people over one evening. The lady had a brand new SUV - a gift for passing her citizenship. The people there were removing the padding from the seats, and replacing it with unknown (to others) substances. They then went to Mexico. That fancy SUV hasn't been seen since.

Now it is thought they have seven new people living in that house. Children have been enrolled in school. Who knows what this is all about.

So where is this house? In a barrio? In a low income area? Nope - ladies and gentlemen, it is the house catty-corner to me. It is next door to a woman with two small daughters.

Hopefully we can find something to do about them. If the house was being used as was said when it was bought - no problem. They take wonderful care of the yard and exterior. If it was the 3-4 people there. If, if, if. But it's not any of that. The police have watched that house I have been told. Guess it will make a good crime drama, but I just hope we aren't home with the bullets start flying or the cartel makes an appearance.

Peace be with us all!

Mixed bag

Today was another nice day. We did our part to help curb the financial standing of the community. We decided that we were getting too old to see the 26 inch regular tv at the SSB. It is really noticeable when we come home and enjoy our big digital one, so off we went to the "Big" Buy store - which in itself is comical. You see - G swore a long time ago when he had a problem with them that he would never set foot inside one again. Well - this is twice. This time we walked out with a 42" plasma. If I had known before about the real difference for us between Plasma and the other, I wouldn't have gotten the plasma. It has to ride upright, or the plasma will break the glass, and that isn't covered by any type of warranty. So Merry Christmas to us - - and the family who will be around to help break it is this weekend.

Speaking of warranties, I am going to have to take the sewing machine back to the dealer - again - for the broken USB fitting. This will be number three. I JUST got it back last Wednesday, and it has to go tomorrow. I hate, hate, hate to take it to this dealer. I know they are saying bad things about me behind my back. I know they think I don't know how to work the machine. But, unless I want to just use the built in stitches and the very few that I loaded on it, I am dead in the water. I cannot get anything to load on it.

I went to the local computer big store. I bought a little plug to change the USB ending into a different kind. The machine is supposed to be able to be loaded by a computer. Not using Win7 or even XP. The old laptop lives up there with the machines. It still works, although slow and limping along. I thought this new method I dreamed up would work to read from the CD reader. No. Such. Luck.

I have made a mission about finding an ADA card that is 2"x2". They don't exist. That would be another way to load designs. I am out of luck there too - so tomorrow I will have to face the music. I would rather take a beating. The only other dealer is about 20 miles past this one. It would be really foolish.

It was completely my fault the thing happened, but upon closer examination of the little adapter in the machine and other USB ports, there is a design flaw. Those little fragile connections are just sitting there - there is no protective plastic around them. Look at any of your USB things and you will see the points are protected. Not here.

Back to my responsibility. Every time I have a machine serviced - cleaned, etc - it comes back screwed up. It makes thread nests on the back of the fabric like no tomorrow. It was doing that. I spend three hours on one little project - that by the way turned out like sh*t - and I hit the machine about six times. It is on a cabinet that has the place for the machine that goes up and down. Well, one of those blows, well, you can guess the rest. Now I have to pay the piper, face the music, and all those other phrases. I really don't want to. Really, really. Anyway...

Today was a good day. We went to a local theater group for a play. It was really cute, and gave a good afternoon of entertainment.

Pray for me tomorrow. That is weighing so on my mind. I don't mean to be sacrilegious, but this is going to be really bad. Can't keep my mind on the good, happy things!

Peace be with you.

S Time

Tomorrow at this time, I will be coming to in my room at the hospital - at least that's what I'm hoping for! To say that I'm nervous is understated. The nerve this time aren't for the recovery. I am going o think this one will be just as good as the other. So without the worry about recovery, I can focus on the fact this is a major surgery.

I can, like I said, only hope for the recovery I had last time. I just hope I'm not held prisoner for five days this time. I know the doctor doesn't work weekends. I learned that last time. He didn't show until Monday morning. DIL pointed out that this Monday is a holiday. Geesh! Good, I'm finding lots to worry about. Can't have any calm thoughts around here!!

I am going to try to be sure G brings the computer Thursday. I had it last time, and I know I will feel like using it. I know they say don't bring anything valuable, but... I think it will be OK. It was last time.

Anyway. This is it for a while. I am going to be glad in that the right knee has really been screaming the last few days. It will be a relief to be rid of it. I am concerned with the left however. There are some pains with it. I guess when I start re-habing the right I will work on the left again.

Peace be with you.

It's a date

The big day id January 27 at 9am. I met with the surgeon today. I didn't realize how severe my knee problem was. The surgeon was amazed at the x-rays. He is concerned about me making it to the 27th. He told me to be very careful where and how I walk.

We will be doing the left first because it's the worst. The bone is breaking apart, and I have little pieces of "stuff" floating around in the knee. It has been there so long that there are secretions around the pieces making them even larger. He likened it to an oyster making pearls. The bone fragments irritate, so there is secretions added to the bone.

I feel somewhat better than I did. He was very reassuring. He actually has a personality! He gave me a cortisone shot to ease the knee somewhat while I wait for the surgery. He actually gave me a script for pain pills. I asked if they were for post surgery, and he said no - that he knew I was in pain now.

So . . . there you have it. My bariatric appointment is for next Thursday. That could probably be squeezed in between the knee surgeries. That is if I go through with the bariatric stuff. We'll see.

Hope you are all in one piece with only natural parts!

Peace.

The long wait

Daughter has an appointment December 1 for a biopsy. That just feels like such a long time. I know it really isn't, but . . . At least we have Thanksgiving in there to break up the time. Three years ago plus a few days, I was the one waiting.

Holiday time isn't always a pleasant time around here. My mother died in December. My dad died January 13, which isn't really holidays, but he was so ill during the holidays. My step mother died right after Christmas. She was also so ill at Christmas. I had my suspect mammogram right after Christmas, so I spend a lot of time worrying about it. Now we have this.

I am really optimistic about the results though. This is probably a case like they are talking about. She will have to go through the pain of the biopsy with a result of no cancer, but I know she wants the biopsy. She would not be open to waiting to see what happens. The masses are large, and from what I understand, large masses in a young woman are usually not cancerous.

So we keep our heads up high and plan to have a good Thanksgiving. I know part of their Thanksgiving will include a trip to the Alamo City as SIL's dad just had heart bypass surgery. Things will work out fine.

Peace.

Cowardice

There are so many things I don't want to deal with. I like to hide from them, and pretent they simply don't exist. I think that's part of my terrible tendency to proscrastinate. I just don't want to deal with something. I feel overwhelmed by something. Or it's a new situation I don't want to handle.

That's kind of the way I feel about the property that has been vandalized. I tried to link to April 2, but I don't know how. Anyway, I got dear husband to email the realtor. I finally told him that I didn't want to face it.

She replied. The door is standing open. She looked inside, and things are all broken up. It apparently has been going on for some time.

She said her cousin lives next door now. My question is why the neighbors allow this to be happening. I don't expect them to be watch dogs, but I believe in watching out for my neighbors. Apparently they don't. There has to be some noise coming from activities there.

I really am not putting responsibility with them, but I would want this type of thing out of my neighborhood. I know one thing however. "Resort" property like this attracts unsavory people. All kinds of folks live around there. Some are retired military. Some are the basest trash you have ever seen.

Guess what lives mostly around that house. I live in a "trailer" at the SSB. I don't really think people who do are trash, but those that are located behind our house there. . . I'll leave it to your imagination. Of course, we live in an upper middle class neighborhood here in Swampland. These kids could do things like this if they had too much time on their hands. I just don't know anymore.

The fact that I don't want to face it still hasn't changed, but it looks like I will have to this weekend either on the way to the SSB or on the way home. My stomach is churning.

What have I done and other musings

Um, hi. My name is Grandma K. I used to come around here quite a bit, but life has been getting in the way a lot! I'm here today and gone tomorrow for a while again.

Seriously, things have been happing rather fast around here. I am wondering just what I have gotten myself into - I'm having surgery on Wednesday. It will be a latissimus dorsi breast reconstruction. I'm happy and I'm very scared at the same times. The surgery will last about four hours, and I will be hospitalized 3-5 days. This time I will stay as long as the surgeon recommends. I learned my lessons with the mastectomy.

I am no longer keeping Doodle bug, and while I miss her a lot, I have free time. I don't know what to do with myself!! I actually got to make a new blouse (one of the five I have planned and have the fabric for), and got the craft room straightened out! That was a job in itself. She is seemingly doing well in day care - in fact a little better than I would have predicted.

Mother's day was good when all things settled out. My children still have sibling rivalry - at least daughter does. I just don't know why she is so seemingly needy when it comes to our relationship. She lives a mile from me. We talk several times a day. I have kept all of her children as babies. We are really friends now - not just mother and daughter. But I can still see those green horns of jealousy from time to time. Some things never change.

My daughter in law and son in law really can't stand one another. They are civil. On the surface they get along well, but underneath. Oh, my! That means there is tension for me whenever they are together.

But when you shake it all down, all went well. I hope your Mother's Day went well. I'll be back in about a week!

Talk about being stressed out!!

I have been working on a couple of posts that are on what I consider to be higher topics, and I wanted to write and rewrite to make them really good. They are still around, and I will publish them - probably. But this real life and almost real time experience is just too good (not really the best word for it) not to share right now.

Yesterday I called the plastic surgeon to see if I really am scheduled for reconstruction. The scheduler said yes my surgery would be on May 14 beginning at 9:30 am, and the only place I could have it was XYZ Center.

I had heard of XYZ Center, but I wasn't sure of where it was or exactly what it was. I begin really feeling great animosity toward G since he didn't want me to go to Outlands Hospital, even though it was the surgeon's choice, because it was so far away. He wouldn't be able to visit me long there because Simone needs care. I told him I know for a fact it will be there for 15 minutes - at the most, and then have to go. I have had 4 previous hospitalizations, and his track record stands for itself!

So I got the 30 pound volume 1 of our yellow pages. XYZ Center wasn't listed there. So I went to the 20 pound North Swampland phone book to look. Not there!! I was really mad at G. Great. I have a surgery date, but where.

So I got my insurance benefits book. It lists the approved sites for all things medical. I got the entire name for the place. It is XYZ Surgery Speciality Hospital.

I went to the web site. Under the heading "day of surgery" it said that I might still be groggy when I was released that afternoon so I needed someone to get post surgical care and drive me home.

Now Dr Plastic Surgeon had already told me I was in for a 3-4 day stay, and I was ready for that. When I had the mastectomy, I wanted it to be out patient. I wanted to go home that same day. I groused all evening, and the next morning I told the nurse I wanted to go home. Dr Regular Surgeon said I could go, but I did have another day I could stay. Nope, I wanna go home. Consequently, I think that was the reason I developed an infection.

So I was ready for the stay this time. Then to read I would be dumped out the day of what will end up being a more major surgery nearly sent me over the edge! G came home and, fighting back tears because I was so mad and scared, I gave him the news. I told him HE should call the doctor's office,

He is a procrastinator. Big time. So as he was sitting in his chair reading a book, the phone rang. It was the doctor's insurance person. I asked her if I would be thrown out the same day. She began to wonder also. As it turns out, I am approved for one day, after which my condition will be assessed. Then more days will be approved as needed.

The rest of the afternoon, I felt as limp as a dish rag. That tension really took its toll on me. But as dear William (Shakesphere that is) said "alls well that ends well," and so it is.

Back to work on the someday posts. Have a good day y'all.

Ch-ch-ch Changes

Big changes taking place here in Swampland suburb. I have decided on a plastic surgeon, and have a tentative surgery date scheduled. I am just waiting for the decision from the insurance company. I really have mixed feelings right now. I am anticipating the good feeling of "being whole" once again and ot having to strap on that hundred pound prosthesis!

On the other hand, the aspect of having the muscle from my shoulder back being brought around to my chest region and the associated fat placed on top does give me pause. I really am worried about recovery. My last session with drain tubes didn't go well, and this time I will have one (I think) in the front for a week and three in the back for unknown time.

I am really worried about my healing - not just for normal reasons - because four weeks after the surgery we have already committed to going to the National Historic Railroad Convention in Cow Town. I've got to be healed enough.

It is no secret that I could not have the transflap or DIEP. A little too much adipose tissue there which may not close properly. I wish those 60 pounds had not found me again during my treatments. But when I think of having stomach muscle shifted up to the chest - well that really doesn't appeal to me. I saw what the scar looks like. I never wanted a tummy tuck anyway because of that transverse cut across the tummy!

Well, all this talk about surgery means that Doodle Bug needs to find another care taker. K thought she had a neighbor who would do it. That fell through. Everything with the exception of the day care fell through. So DB starts day care on the 6th (I think). I will keep her one more week - due to a misunderstanding where K thought I wanted to keep her longer. But that's fine. I will miss her. She is getting to be so cute now.

That first week, I will be helping to transition her. I'm not sure how that is going to work or be of help, but it sounds good. I just hope the workers fall instantly in love with her. I'm really afraid they will find her to be a spoiled brat - which I have contributed to. I know she will cry most of the time at first. We are really working on more independent play around here. I'm just afraid it is a little too little, a little too late.

So that's my life now. Have a great weekend. And as one of our flaky news personalities used to say (before he died): "Good golf, good tennis or whatever you like to do!"

Doctors visits

I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like such a whiner. I think I should be feeling great. Both doctor's appointments went well - six month recall on both, and they think I'm doing fine. But I find myself worrying about where I really do stand in this battle.

I had the blood test to check the marker levels. The CA-29 was 29. Last time (October I think) it was 19. Dr Poison assured me that it was still normal. Normal range is up to 35. I don't care. I still worry. Does it have some other meaning? Dr Poison said that levels fluctuate in our bodies all the time. He still put me on 6 month recall, so I guess all it right. He also wrote the orders for the mammogram and bone density study.

I told him my emotions are a little raw. He doesn't seem to think it is the anti-estrogen pill. But then he wasn't too concerned with the fact that my joint pain can get so bad at times. Of course, what is the recourse? I need to take that little pill.

So things appear to be going well. I keep wondering if the nasty C will come back. I forgot to tell him I have an ache in my back. My crazy mind yells "kidney cancer" to me, and when logic can push its way in I settle down. Guess I'll just skate along for the next six months.

The (now) dreaded PET scan

Yesterday I just flat ran out of gas! The PET scan was really more of a drain than I ever could imagine. The one I had six months ago wasn’t bad at all, but this one was different. Plus I had Lady Bug from the minute I got home until her dad FINALLY decided to pick her up at 4:45. If he continues this "stuff" there is no way I can keep the new one when she arrives. But that’s another story.

Today we talk about the dreaded PET. Normally, PETs are not done on Wednesday. That put fear in my heart. I knew a change from routine would put a monkey wrench in the works. I was supposed to be there at 8:30. I am accustomed to being there about 9 since the lab is just across from the oncologist. I was concerned about traffic, so I got there 15 minutes early so I wouldn’t make things harder for the tech. I waited in the lobby and went to the door at 8:30. Closed, locked and no lights. Well . . .

I walked back to radiology. The sweet receptionist began calling around for me. About 9, she told me they were there. I went over. The new development was that the lights were on. The door was still locked.

I knocked, knowing all the while Lisa (the tech) could not hear me. Just as I was getting ready to go back to radiology, she came in to open the door.

All the things to get ready were the same, except this time I had to wear a hospital
gown that was made to fit Paris. I should have run right then. Things were about to take a turn south.

Lisa said I could sit on the table while she got one of the therapists from "over there" to come over. When she arrived, she came with the set up I was on when they took the measurements for radiation.

Part of this set up is an arm rest. That consists of two stirrup looking things that are supposed to cradle the upper and lower arm. There was no way that set up was going through that tube, and sure enough it wasn’t.

Then they began repositioning my body on the "bed." I am not a small woman. I could only be considered small if I were an Amazon. To get the apparatus for the breast radiation into the tube, my body was shoved to the edge of the bed. I was afraid I was going to fall off. My left arm was off.

When they tried a "trial fit," my left arm was hitting the other side of the tube and they had to remove the stirrup that held the lower right arm. It was determined that this would work because "this doesn’t take long" (quote from the radiation therapist).

I was freaking out this time because I was crammed into that blasted tube, touching the side and the top, and they left me in the middle for what seemed an eternity before the test.
Last time was not bad. I never freaked out. This time was different. I was about to scream. I asked how long it would take, and got no answer at first. Then Lisa finally told me it would be about 30 minutes.

As it turned out, there was only about a 10 minute period of time where I was mildly frantic. My left arm rested against the side of the tube the whole time, and at this point I can only hope and pray that they don’t call me to tell me that the results are unreadable and I have to come back.
I think my tiredness was due to my emotions. I probably shouldn’t have kept Lady Bug at all, but you know how mothers and grandmothers are. We always put ourselves on the back burner. I know K wouldn’t have wanted that, but at her stage of pregnancy I don’t want her stressing about not being able to get her work done - which she will be, and is, doing.

It’s almost time for Lady Bug to be here. It is supposed to be a short day with her dad picking her up when his appointment in Beaumont is done. Let’s hope he gets her on his WAY home and not after he has been home, etc.

Not what I had in mind

Strong. Stoic. Prepared. Assured. Positive. These are the words I wanted to describe me as I enter this treatment. I am not. Not one of these words can describe me right now. I worked so hard to be at least one of those descriptions, but right now I am a mess.

I am frustrated. When my arthritis is hurting me so much, it is hard to keep a positive attitude. I cannot stand for more than five minutes. Walking is almost impossible. It really is so sad when I think how well the medication HAD been working.

I am angry. I am going to be mutilated on Thursday. I know the alternative is death, but to have an entire breast removed is mutilation. I should be beyond this type of petty thinking.

I am really down today. I think fear is being allowed in. I have had one panic attack. When I was at my lowest dealing with the arthritis pain, fear seeped in. I really don't know if I am really ready.

The great unknown lurks out there. I don’t know what is going to happen. I can’t guess what my life is going to be like. I guess I just have to dig a little deeper to find my trust, and above all keep all this secret from my family..

But tomorrow is the day. It will be done tomorrow, and then hopefully I can go on with life

A lesson well learned

I hope and pray that we never experience another day like yesterday. Worse things have happened, but yesterday was very stressful. G and I took my car to the shop for routine maintenance - oil change, etc. We then took the "tank" because it had a recall for the cruise control, and we need it this weekend to go to the SSB.

We were returning home, and I was driving. My phone rang, but I couldn’t it right away since it was hidden in the bowels of my purse. When G finally retrieved it, it displayed K’s cell. I called her back, and there was complete panic in her voice. She wanted me to go to her house to get her bill payment file. Her purse had been stolen.

I was stunned. As I was heading to my house to get her key, she told me she left her purse in the van when she went to visit the store. Her job involved sales of a product and the store’s relationship with the manufacturer. She is provided with a van for this job. She had left her purse and laptop bag in the van - as she and most of her coworkers do. Someone broke out the van window and took her purse and the computer bag. They were efficient. They could do this without even setting off the alarm.

All credit cards were stopped. The bank was notified. The police were called. But the experience was still stupefying. The feeling was that of total violation.

About two hours later when she was home taking things out of the van, a car appeared in her driveway. Two men were in the car. One immediately held out her purse. They had found it discarded on the side of the road. The only thing missing was her digital camera. They also found the laptop bag. Everything was in place with the exception of the camera and a cd that held some recently downloaded pictures. The thieves were looking for something they could easily hock. Apparently they thought they were getting a computer, and hopefully a cell phone in the purse. They didn’t want credit cards. Too many thieves are getting busted here using stolen cards.

Things turned out to be alright. It spurred all of us to get our affairs in order: to be sure we have lists of credit card numbers and contact numbers, to be sure we never leave anything of value in plain sight in the car. Take our experience and vicariously learn by it. Prepare yourself for emergencies.