Wednesday, June 19, 2013

It is done.

SIL signed the papers he needed to sign and got his mother to, reluctantly, sign permission for Jim to be cremated.  So it is done.

Last night there was still discussion about a memorial service.  SIL asked his sister specifically, but the whole family "what church to you attend?"  Crickets could be heard.  He asked who would do the service?  Crickets again could be heard.  He said - that's my point.  Just where do you propose to have this.

His Sister in Law said that they know a lot of people (???  probably from softball) who are members of a country club that they could possible rent the room for $100.  My thought as he was telling me this was who in the family (SIL and Daughter excepted) has $100.

Apparently the "viewing" idea finally got squashed.  I think the lady from Nepture Society told them all the things that would have to be done - including the oversized coffin for the 400 pound man, and gave prices.  At least SIL was able to meet with her ALONE and finalize the service.

They will separate the ashes into six packets.  Step granddaughter got her wish  to be included in the immediate family.  SIL told them they would have to get their own urns.  Don't blame him there.  This was fine with the brothers, but sister is still being sister.

This death may have been good in that the youngest brother seems, at least for  the moment, to have grown up a little.  His parents ruined him.  They let him drop out of high school.  The mantra in the family was always don't upset J***.  He was a spoiled brat, and has remained so into his late 30's.  I really thought he and SIL would get into a physical fight - it has happened so many times before.  But last night as they were decompressing, those two brothers were actually able to sit and talk like grown men.  That's good.

The other brother really needs mental help.  He just isn't with the program.  He has inherited the mental illness that "runs in the family."  Sister is showing signs of it developing also.  Sad.  Mom has had it for a long time.

The mom was released from the hospital, but she is still in really bad shape.  The youngest son's wife has realized that Daughter and SIL have taken on, and solved the one parental problem, but since the rest of the kids live in San Antonio, they have to now step up to the place and organize how to take care of Mom.  Like who drives her to dialysis, etc.  Glad to hear that too.  I don't think Mom is going to last long, but SIL is going to look into Medicade facilities for her.  That is what she really needs/  And, of course, there is no money.

To even try to HINT things were settled would be silly.  Sister is miffed that SIL is having the death certificates send to him and will take over settling things.  As I told him this morning, she really hasn't proven she is capable of handling anything.  Her life is a mess - and has been for as long as I have known of her.  So there is still plenty of drama on the horizon.


As for crematory rates.  The funeral home was going to be $4000 for no frills.  But then I know funeral homes - charge as much as possible - gouge the grieving.  That figure changed when they found out his size.

There was a $595 on line, but daughter, being a little generous and wanting to show SOME respect, was afraid of it.

We have done our pre-planning with Neptune.  Ours includes the air lifting of the body back home, so there is a little more to it.  We were right at the $1500 price I believe.  For Jim, I think it was more like $1800.  That included his size and mailing the ashes here to this area.

So prices are all over the board.  I think all of these places work from a single crematorium.  So I don't understand all the differences in prices!


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Judy said...

We have two funeral homes in town--one costs way more then the other AND won't rent caskets. I wanted a viewing and visitation for Fred, an hour before the service so that his two daughters from Florida could have one last look. I chose the cheaper funeral home, got a rented casket. they wrap the pretty lining around the body and cremate it all. We had a pastor from the local Methodist Church--where we had attended a few times, do the service from the funeral home. Still cost me $6K because Fred had to be embalmed AND I had to pay $200.00 to have the pacemaker taken out so it wouldn't blow up the oven. GEEZ. Of course, I consulted all his kids--they picked out what he wore, the kind of memorial cards we had--all that. They were glad I had consulted them--they paid nothing for the funeral. 18 months later--I am still steaming because before his surgery, his oldest daughter said, "If anything happens to Dad--we will pay for his funeral. You two aren't married, so it isn't your responsibility." Still fuming!!!