This is a topic that has been weighing on my mind since last week when G went to see our friend Larry. This is not going to be a popular topic at all. I may even take this one down, but here goes.
G told me that when he visited Larry in ICU, he looked terrible. As expected, he had tubes and wires coming and going over his body. He was so sedated that his eyelids only seemed to quiver when G spoke or touched him.
They are trying to wean his from his respirator - that has been in place for THREE weeks now. G worked as the lab supervisor for the Cardio-Pulmonary Department in the local "charity" hospital for 30+ years. He knows about respirators. He said that not only was it his opinion that Larry wouldn't be off the respirator anytime soon, he didn't think he would ever be off of it and be alive. He looks for him to not go home but to a skilled nursing facility - where he will die.
He really believes that the 6 - 12 months is a very generous guess about his life expectancy. He, as well as another friend, suspects it will be more like 3 months - max. Larry has become so frail. Only his face, shoulders, and trunk were visible out of the bedding, but there was no muscle mass left. He is a virtual skeleton.
With that all said, it made me think. I asked if he had advanced directives, would he still be on the ventilator. The answer was unclear. The procedure that put him in this particular situation was one that was not one that would preclude the ventilator. In fact, it was standard procedure. But with the turn of events, that may be different.
If the directives were/are in place, it would now fall to the family I suppose. How do you direct the doctors to turn off life support for your husband/father. I do know how that feels. I had to do it with my dad. Not an easy thing to do.
Now I really am going to tread on a slippery slope. One of the final things we can do for out beloved pets is to allow them a dignified death. A fairly easy death.
Please do not read that I am putting people and animals on completely equal footing, but all my beloved pets have been an integral part of my family. I loved them so much. But why cannot we allow our two legged loved ones a dignified, less painful death.
I have faced this. Both as a patient and a daughter. I let my feelings be known - I do not want the heroic measures, but that doesn't mean that death will come easily. My poor father lingered so long. He basically starved to death because he was no longer able to swallow.
What's the answer? I really don't know. I told G that I simply cannot go to see Larry suffering like he is. To see such a great man in this condition - I can't do it. I just really don't understand. Human life is precious - absolutely. But why must a person suffer like this when death is imminent? I am absolutely sure his family would not agree - at least I don't believe so, but that's where I am right now.
My prayer is that I do not have to suffer like this when my time comes.
Praying for peace for everyone.
3 comments:
This is such a difficult thing to think about, do, feel, etc.
I think when loved ones are at this point in their life, many of us want to find a heroic measure to keep them with us until we are ready to say goodbye.
I remember when my mom was dying, and her story was VERY odd, the nurse told me I should tell her it was okay to die. I was aghast that this pressure was put on me. But, as I've aged, I realize that it was a good thing. I needed to say that for both of us.
I hope you won't take down this post. I think discussing it and dealing with it takes away some of the scariest parts of it.
Bless Larry.
Why isn't he sent to hospice? They would give him morphine, increasing it over a few days time, until they over-dosed him. I don't like that they do it that way, but they say, it is easier on the patient AND the family. I have always felt so lucky that I didn't have to make that decision for Fred.
everyone should be able to make the decision about the way they end their life when they're like that.
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