Friday, March 22, 2013

I wonder

(Note - this is just "musings" as my title suggests.  Just all I have this morning!  Nothing earth shattering here)

I was watching The View  and they had a story of a brother and sister who were separated - foster system and so on.  Then, to cut to the chase, they found one another, and oh, the joy.

I am an only child.  When I was a kid, I longed for a sibling.  You just can't imagine how much I wanted a sibling.  Now those of you growing up with a sibling, and especially if you and said sibling didn't get along, probably think I was crazy.  The perception is that I had it really good.  I got everything.

Well, yes I did get everything.  I am sure that I had more of the material things, and I did have all the attention.  In fact, being the only child for my  parents AND an aunt and uncle, I DID get all the attention.  Sometimes that was the problem, but, as usual, I digress.

What inspired this rambling today was wondering how having a sibling must feel.  I read about the relationships with siblings, and I really cannot understand how that bond must feel.  The brother and sister today - they were separated for years.  They don't know anything about the other, but there is such a bond.

Then - there is SIL and his family.  There is not that kind of relationship for SIL and his siblings - at least not anymore.  I know at one time there was a strong family bond, but it was/is a sick one.  What is wanted there is the old family feeling in that "blood is thicker than water."  In fact, he has been told that Daughter isn't good enough - she isn't blood.

In the past years, SIL's family has diligently worked to break bonds with him.  The first was when his youngest brother started a physical fight with SIL at the wedding rehearsal.  Nice.  Then the parents have let him know that their fondest wishes would be to live in a family communal compound.  A literal compound.  Like a cult - a hunk of land with trailers arranged in a circle there - and all monies going into a single pool.  Of course, one of the kinks here is that SIL and possibly his sister would be the only ones putting monies into this pool of money!

I look at my own children.  When Son got into high school, Daughter took him under her wing.  She was his protector - although he didn't really need one once he got started there.  But they formed a group of friends that covered all grade levels.  There was a  group of  high school kids that usually numbered five or six, but could swell in numbers, that ran around together.

I have said often that on a Saturday morning I would never know how many "bodies" would be asleep on the floor of my den!  They were a great group of kids.  I was glad to have them here - I knew where mine were.

My kids aren't as close as they were.  The spouses don't really care for one another, but they tolerate each other enough for get togethers, but there is a feeling of underlying tensions.  My kids will still come to each other's defense however.  Don't cross one of them because the other will be right behind them.  When my step-granddaughter threw Daughter under the bus a few years ago, Son completely cut her off from any relationship.  "Don't do that to my sister."  Daughter will do the same for her brother.  They do really love one another.

So I wonder.  This is a relationship I will never understand.  I will never have.  I do have a step brother, but we were both well into our thirties when that was formed.  We both are only children, but there is absolutely no relationship there.  One flickered when his mother died, but I believe that was from a feeling of shame because he knew how she used my dad's money to set him up royally while trying to shut me out.  At any rate, this relationship is gone.

With my luck, I probably would have had the toxic relationship that SIL has.  I just will never know.


JuJu said...

I have two older brothers. I really treasure what I have with them, but would like more. I feel like I'm usually the one making all the effort. I'll tell you what I do enjoy - having nephews. I love those kids.
I never had a sister, so I can't speak on that.
I wish my kids were closer. They're half siblings, five years apart, not raised together, but for summers and vacations. I just hope that someday they'll find each other.

Marti said...

I've often wished for a sibling, aka friend. My older brother and I didn't get along at all until I left home at 18, and then it started getting better. We were actually able to have a few conversations before he was in a car accident when I was 22.

Because of the relationship between my brother and I, I was determined that my girls had a better relationship. They were best friends in their teens, but after they both left home, I think they have drifted apart.

Maybe that is normal, I really don't know. I see the relationship between Hubby and his brother. Not really close, but they do things together. When I quiz Hubby about what is going on in bil's life, he has no idea. He says they don't talk about things like that.

Seems odd to me. When I'm with my cousins and they all joke around with their siblings, I feel like I've been missing out.