Since I finally got off my dead rear to download some pictures, I thought I would go ahead and bore you.
Well - I have bored you silly. Hope you read this post before retiring for the night. It should work like a sleeping pill!!
Peace
Friday, March 30, 2012
"Home movies"
Well - I have bored you silly. Hope you read this post before retiring for the night. It should work like a sleeping pill!!
Peace
What a (wonderful) change from last year.
It's amazing what a year can do in Texas! Last year, the land was so parched. Our usual flamboyance of wild flowers was non-existent. The season was really mean. The heat was on, and the rain was off.
This year, while the temperatures have been warmer than usual, we have been getting rain. Often, quite a lot of rain. It's rather strange because I don't hear anyone complaining. Even around the SSB, no one is saying the roads are so muddy that they are difficult to maneuver, or that the fields are too wet to plant. None of that this year.
On our trip last week, the wild flowers were magnificent. In many places, the bluebonnets formed a rolling blanket covering the hill sides. I was thinking they had reached their peak. But that certainly wasn't the truth.
When we went into Fredericksburg for groceries, there were even more flowers poking up. When, at the end of the week's time, we headed back home, there were even more flowers than the week before. It was really breathtaking.
I was more than amazed when I got out of the truck when we arrived at the SSB. We actually have bluebonnets close to the house. I really thought we would never get them. We had several, and like the rest of the country-side, we had more when we left. I was absolutely thrilled.
Now, there was a downside - especially for G. Our place was so overgrown with weeds that the road virtually disappeared. So that meant he had to get out the good old 22 inch lawn mower. If it's spring, it is snake season, and they are very hungry - and have powerful venom. Walking the dog in that overgrowth is a scary proposition. So he spent the first three and a half days trying to get rid of some of the vegetation.
I have pictures - in the camera. And my time is running out for computer stuff today. I will get them downloaded, and get them posted for tomorrow.
But it is really amazing what a difference a little rain makes to our land around here. Last year, very few flowers - this year a bumper crop!
Peace.
This year, while the temperatures have been warmer than usual, we have been getting rain. Often, quite a lot of rain. It's rather strange because I don't hear anyone complaining. Even around the SSB, no one is saying the roads are so muddy that they are difficult to maneuver, or that the fields are too wet to plant. None of that this year.
On our trip last week, the wild flowers were magnificent. In many places, the bluebonnets formed a rolling blanket covering the hill sides. I was thinking they had reached their peak. But that certainly wasn't the truth.
When we went into Fredericksburg for groceries, there were even more flowers poking up. When, at the end of the week's time, we headed back home, there were even more flowers than the week before. It was really breathtaking.
I was more than amazed when I got out of the truck when we arrived at the SSB. We actually have bluebonnets close to the house. I really thought we would never get them. We had several, and like the rest of the country-side, we had more when we left. I was absolutely thrilled.
Now, there was a downside - especially for G. Our place was so overgrown with weeds that the road virtually disappeared. So that meant he had to get out the good old 22 inch lawn mower. If it's spring, it is snake season, and they are very hungry - and have powerful venom. Walking the dog in that overgrowth is a scary proposition. So he spent the first three and a half days trying to get rid of some of the vegetation.
I have pictures - in the camera. And my time is running out for computer stuff today. I will get them downloaded, and get them posted for tomorrow.
But it is really amazing what a difference a little rain makes to our land around here. Last year, very few flowers - this year a bumper crop!
Peace.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Undecided
I really don't know how I feel about my visit to Dr Death today (the oncologist).
No, nothing bad - no recurrence or anything like that - in fact just the opposite. My lab results were stellar. My marker number was great. All the other results were normal.
So what's the problem. Simple - I have been put on a year's recall. Now that is really great news, but I have really liked to have these six month checks to check on that little marker number. It tells me that the breast cancer hasn't appeared elsewhere in my body wrecking havoc. With each appointment with Dr D, I remember what a dear friend (and relative) told me about her colon cancer. When she was moved to yearly checks, that was a long year, and so it shall be with me.
Along with the five year clean thingy, it is also the end of five years of Femara (the anti-cancer drug). I looked at him very skeptically, and he said that the research shows no reason to continue taking the drug past five years. Well, can't I keep coming back every six months and taking the drug?? It is working for me!
I know this is the milestone I have really been waiting for. I have been looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. Son's friend's mother died from her breast cancer after she stopped the other drug for the five years. But that was she, all cases are different.
So it has been a day of good news and rather scary news. I'm just glad I continue to be in remission!
Peace.
No, nothing bad - no recurrence or anything like that - in fact just the opposite. My lab results were stellar. My marker number was great. All the other results were normal.
So what's the problem. Simple - I have been put on a year's recall. Now that is really great news, but I have really liked to have these six month checks to check on that little marker number. It tells me that the breast cancer hasn't appeared elsewhere in my body wrecking havoc. With each appointment with Dr D, I remember what a dear friend (and relative) told me about her colon cancer. When she was moved to yearly checks, that was a long year, and so it shall be with me.
Along with the five year clean thingy, it is also the end of five years of Femara (the anti-cancer drug). I looked at him very skeptically, and he said that the research shows no reason to continue taking the drug past five years. Well, can't I keep coming back every six months and taking the drug?? It is working for me!
I know this is the milestone I have really been waiting for. I have been looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. Son's friend's mother died from her breast cancer after she stopped the other drug for the five years. But that was she, all cases are different.
So it has been a day of good news and rather scary news. I'm just glad I continue to be in remission!
Peace.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Farewell Larry
First, we are still home. G caught a cold, or did it catch him? Mute issue - he is a terrible patient! But we elected to stay home another day with the hopes he will be better tomorrow.
I wanted to tell you about Larry's memorial service. It was really something. I don't know if he would have liked it a little or a lot, but it was good for those of us who are left here.
It was held in another Lutheran church - not the one where he Pastored for 20 years. I think the family still has some problems with that one. It is a nice church, and with the financial problems at our present church, now we have an option if our church fails - which is a definite possibility. But that's a topic for another day.
When we got there, parking was at a premium. There was absolutely no street parking, and no lots around. It was the church parking or none. The guys parking cars did a masterful job. They had it well in control!
When we walked in, there was a jazz band playing. Their music was wonderful. Larry would have liked that. When he was young, before seminary, he played in a traveling circus (!!!!)band, and he was in the band in Viet Nam. He was quite the musician.
When it was time for the service to begin, we had 40 clergy process in. What a tribute. I was thrilled to see them. They respected Larry as one who wasn't shy about expressing his feelings. At the synod meeting, he was outspoken - even if he and "Match-maker Don" skipped most of the sessions. They were there at the meetings, but Larry spoke his mind.
His son gave the "eulogy" which was a blog post of his dad's from 2002 when things were really bad. Larry was honest about things. He faced depression. He fought it with a vengeance. It was at this time there was turmoil in our church, he suffered yet another heart attack, and decided that he would retire on disability. There were mean things going on in the church. There were terrible things said about him at this time. He was very low, and he admitted he was really mad at God. He soon did get over that.
I was amazed that his son could read that blog post. I don't think I could have done it. He chocked up often, but he got through it.
Others spoke, and in true Lutheran tradition, we then shared communion. That was moving to me because I was communed by one of my favorite pastors in the area along with our Assistant in Ministry from the other church. It was rather like home. Marc - the minister - was one of Larry's close friends.
Hymns were sung - to the jazz beat. It was beautiful. And at the end of the service we left to the strains of "Proud Mary."
Yes - we sent Larry off in style. It was really a liberal Lutheran ceremony. Just the kind he would have liked.
Peace.
I wanted to tell you about Larry's memorial service. It was really something. I don't know if he would have liked it a little or a lot, but it was good for those of us who are left here.
It was held in another Lutheran church - not the one where he Pastored for 20 years. I think the family still has some problems with that one. It is a nice church, and with the financial problems at our present church, now we have an option if our church fails - which is a definite possibility. But that's a topic for another day.
When we got there, parking was at a premium. There was absolutely no street parking, and no lots around. It was the church parking or none. The guys parking cars did a masterful job. They had it well in control!
When we walked in, there was a jazz band playing. Their music was wonderful. Larry would have liked that. When he was young, before seminary, he played in a traveling circus (!!!!)band, and he was in the band in Viet Nam. He was quite the musician.
When it was time for the service to begin, we had 40 clergy process in. What a tribute. I was thrilled to see them. They respected Larry as one who wasn't shy about expressing his feelings. At the synod meeting, he was outspoken - even if he and "Match-maker Don" skipped most of the sessions. They were there at the meetings, but Larry spoke his mind.
His son gave the "eulogy" which was a blog post of his dad's from 2002 when things were really bad. Larry was honest about things. He faced depression. He fought it with a vengeance. It was at this time there was turmoil in our church, he suffered yet another heart attack, and decided that he would retire on disability. There were mean things going on in the church. There were terrible things said about him at this time. He was very low, and he admitted he was really mad at God. He soon did get over that.
I was amazed that his son could read that blog post. I don't think I could have done it. He chocked up often, but he got through it.
Others spoke, and in true Lutheran tradition, we then shared communion. That was moving to me because I was communed by one of my favorite pastors in the area along with our Assistant in Ministry from the other church. It was rather like home. Marc - the minister - was one of Larry's close friends.
Hymns were sung - to the jazz beat. It was beautiful. And at the end of the service we left to the strains of "Proud Mary."
Yes - we sent Larry off in style. It was really a liberal Lutheran ceremony. Just the kind he would have liked.
Peace.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
I'll catch up
Short - we were here today. Weather was bad, We will go to the SSB tomorrow - no internet.
I want to tell you about the Memorial Service. Will do it next week.
Take care - I'll miss you. See you then.
I want to tell you about the Memorial Service. Will do it next week.
Take care - I'll miss you. See you then.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Rested up
Things are getting back to normal - whatever the heck that is. We are supposed to head to the SSB tomorrow, but there appears to be some pretty severe weather headed to us tomorrow. While Mr Mouth was in here giving me the weather report that I had seen already, I accidently erased the part where I said I hoped we wouldn't go until Wednesday. That is truth now.
Tonight is Pastor Larry's memorial service. I know the church will be packed to the rafters. I am a little (minuscule amount) surprised it isn't going to be at our old church. But I am afraid he would come back to earth and blast a lot of those parishioners!
He would be surprised at the crowd I think will be there. He thought he wasn't that loved. Well - Larry - you were wrong.
I'll get back with the report on this service tomorrow!
Peace
Tonight is Pastor Larry's memorial service. I know the church will be packed to the rafters. I am a little (minuscule amount) surprised it isn't going to be at our old church. But I am afraid he would come back to earth and blast a lot of those parishioners!
He would be surprised at the crowd I think will be there. He thought he wasn't that loved. Well - Larry - you were wrong.
I'll get back with the report on this service tomorrow!
Peace
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Home again, home again ...
We are in one piece, and I think everyone is still speaking.
On Wednesday evening, we were supposed to be on the Amtrak #1 - Sunset Limited heading to Los Angeles. It got to the station after 11. The shooting at the court house in Beaumont held it up. The FBI, we were told, shut down the tracks.
We got on - found our seats. G had the foresight to reserve lower coach. It was a new experience, and we did love it. There are only 14 seats in this lower area. The restrooms are right there, and there is a door that isolates us from the rest of the train.
While we were a loose large group, Amtrak treated us as a group here in Houston. The train club was all on one car. We being down below. It was good with one exception. Since there were seven - that left one man odd. G was to sit with this other gentleman (a term used loosely here). The other man was a little odd to say the least, and G, trying to be friendly, irritated the fire out of him. But that worked itself out.
The next afternoon we arrived in Alpine. We were all exhausted - there really is no sleeping for adults in coach. My seat must have been resurrected from the 1900's. Sleeping was good that night - even when I went to bed not speaking to G.
The next day we went to Fort Davis. I had not been there since we married. It was our honeymoon destination then. The kids loved it, and became Junior Rangers.
We dined like Continental folks. American, Italian, Mexican, Chinese. We hit the gamut. The Italian was to die for. Who knew??
Getting on the train yesterday was fairly uneventful - if you call an overbooked train uneventful. But we had the only reserved seats in out large group. All the others had to split up completely. There were only scattered single seats on that train that came from LA. We did have reserved seats, but I worried they weren't together. For some reason there were only two cars with lower coach though.
The first car was the one splitting off in San Antonio to go to Chicago. They put us on the second. It was great for the kids. There was another family with three kids of similar ages on that one. Great fun was had until we reached San Antonio.
When they de-trained, a wheel chair person was put on. The lower coach is really for the handicapped - so I qualify! Three gentlemen got on, but at midnight, I didn't care for them spending the trip talking. And they say women talk. Ladies, we couldn't hold a candle!
All went well. From midnight in San Antonio until just on the outskirts of Houston (Sugarland to be exact), the engineer poured on the coal, and we sped through the night. We would have been on time for out 4:45 arrival except ... We stopped. We stayed stopped. And we stayed stopped.
Finally at 6:30 the conductor told us we would be stopped even longer. The freight ahead of us hit a pedestrian. It was an ugly hit. I won't go into details. The police were doing a thorough investigation. We got underway at about 8.
The trip to the station was uneventful, but then how do you follow that. I just hate that four hour delay may have ruined the trip, but it could have happened if we were driving. When we got in Alpine, there were tv reports about IH 20 being completely shut down between Odessa and Midland because of a three truck accident with four deaths. It was closed for hours. So it wasn't just the train!!
Peace.
On Wednesday evening, we were supposed to be on the Amtrak #1 - Sunset Limited heading to Los Angeles. It got to the station after 11. The shooting at the court house in Beaumont held it up. The FBI, we were told, shut down the tracks.
We got on - found our seats. G had the foresight to reserve lower coach. It was a new experience, and we did love it. There are only 14 seats in this lower area. The restrooms are right there, and there is a door that isolates us from the rest of the train.
While we were a loose large group, Amtrak treated us as a group here in Houston. The train club was all on one car. We being down below. It was good with one exception. Since there were seven - that left one man odd. G was to sit with this other gentleman (a term used loosely here). The other man was a little odd to say the least, and G, trying to be friendly, irritated the fire out of him. But that worked itself out.
The next afternoon we arrived in Alpine. We were all exhausted - there really is no sleeping for adults in coach. My seat must have been resurrected from the 1900's. Sleeping was good that night - even when I went to bed not speaking to G.
The next day we went to Fort Davis. I had not been there since we married. It was our honeymoon destination then. The kids loved it, and became Junior Rangers.
We dined like Continental folks. American, Italian, Mexican, Chinese. We hit the gamut. The Italian was to die for. Who knew??
Getting on the train yesterday was fairly uneventful - if you call an overbooked train uneventful. But we had the only reserved seats in out large group. All the others had to split up completely. There were only scattered single seats on that train that came from LA. We did have reserved seats, but I worried they weren't together. For some reason there were only two cars with lower coach though.
The first car was the one splitting off in San Antonio to go to Chicago. They put us on the second. It was great for the kids. There was another family with three kids of similar ages on that one. Great fun was had until we reached San Antonio.
When they de-trained, a wheel chair person was put on. The lower coach is really for the handicapped - so I qualify! Three gentlemen got on, but at midnight, I didn't care for them spending the trip talking. And they say women talk. Ladies, we couldn't hold a candle!
All went well. From midnight in San Antonio until just on the outskirts of Houston (Sugarland to be exact), the engineer poured on the coal, and we sped through the night. We would have been on time for out 4:45 arrival except ... We stopped. We stayed stopped. And we stayed stopped.
Finally at 6:30 the conductor told us we would be stopped even longer. The freight ahead of us hit a pedestrian. It was an ugly hit. I won't go into details. The police were doing a thorough investigation. We got underway at about 8.
The trip to the station was uneventful, but then how do you follow that. I just hate that four hour delay may have ruined the trip, but it could have happened if we were driving. When we got in Alpine, there were tv reports about IH 20 being completely shut down between Odessa and Midland because of a three truck accident with four deaths. It was closed for hours. So it wasn't just the train!!
Peace.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
This and that
Wonderful tributes have been posted on FaceBook pages about Larry. One stated he touched so many lives. It's true. I really believe he didn't really know just how many lives he touched, and how loved he was. Life isn't always fair for a Pastor.
Our church gave him actual hell on earth. There were in that church - as there are in many churches - factions. While we were still members there, several things happened that caused a lot of members to change churches. Many said very ugly things about Larry and to Larry. It was finally enough, and after countless heart by-pass surgeries, he decided he would retire on disability. Can't say as I blame him. His life was more important than that church.
On a friend's page, one of the past parishioners posted on a page that she always liked him as a pastor. I so wanted to call her out to tell her she was a bald faced liar. She told me she didn't like him, and I was too much a coward to stand up to her right there. I just kept mum. But I really think she knew.
Anyway - this evening we are boarding the Sunset Limited - all seven of us - to head to the giant metropolis of Alpine, the gateway to Big Bend. We won't go to Big Bend, but there are things that the kids haven't seen in Alpine. Daughter told me this morning she had never been to Alpine. No, just TWICE!
I am apprehensive about such a large number of people getting on a train with many already on it. We are sort of traveling with our train club, so at least 40 of us are getting on here. I just hope our little seven can stay together.
I am worried about the kids getting bored - if not tomorrow then the way back on Saturday. I have some games made up for them that I will get out for that return trip. Something new (that are really old - dot game, hangman, word find, etc.). So we will see.
All dogs will be going to a new kennel. It looks really beautiful, but they can't have their beds. All three of them sleep on plush beds. Simone sleeps on a plush bed in her crate, so she will have neither. At least it's only three nights and three days.
I think I am more worried about her. She was off her feed at the end of last week and the beginning of this week. She is going well now, but at her age (8+) I hate to leave her. For a small dog, her years aren't all that many, but for a Boxer she is getting really old.
Shadow will have the house to himself. He tries to act independent - a true black cat, but he really wants me around. If he isn't with me, he wants to know where I am. I do worry about him, but he will survive. Perhaps he will appreciate me more and not attack me at every opportunity when we get back.
Yesterday I got my TENS unit. It is the thing that I considered my reward for PT back in the day. It stimulates the nerves with an electrical signal. It is heaven! I had no idea Medicare would buy the thing - like I have found they will send me my glucose monitor and strips. Oh, yeah - that is going well. Even though I watched the glucose level blow the ceiling out when I got the steroid injections last Friday.
So - all seems good. I will have a computer on the trip and Daughter is bringing her air-card. We MIGHT have a signal. If so, I will try to update along the way.
Peace.
Our church gave him actual hell on earth. There were in that church - as there are in many churches - factions. While we were still members there, several things happened that caused a lot of members to change churches. Many said very ugly things about Larry and to Larry. It was finally enough, and after countless heart by-pass surgeries, he decided he would retire on disability. Can't say as I blame him. His life was more important than that church.
On a friend's page, one of the past parishioners posted on a page that she always liked him as a pastor. I so wanted to call her out to tell her she was a bald faced liar. She told me she didn't like him, and I was too much a coward to stand up to her right there. I just kept mum. But I really think she knew.
Anyway - this evening we are boarding the Sunset Limited - all seven of us - to head to the giant metropolis of Alpine, the gateway to Big Bend. We won't go to Big Bend, but there are things that the kids haven't seen in Alpine. Daughter told me this morning she had never been to Alpine. No, just TWICE!
I am apprehensive about such a large number of people getting on a train with many already on it. We are sort of traveling with our train club, so at least 40 of us are getting on here. I just hope our little seven can stay together.
I am worried about the kids getting bored - if not tomorrow then the way back on Saturday. I have some games made up for them that I will get out for that return trip. Something new (that are really old - dot game, hangman, word find, etc.). So we will see.
All dogs will be going to a new kennel. It looks really beautiful, but they can't have their beds. All three of them sleep on plush beds. Simone sleeps on a plush bed in her crate, so she will have neither. At least it's only three nights and three days.
I think I am more worried about her. She was off her feed at the end of last week and the beginning of this week. She is going well now, but at her age (8+) I hate to leave her. For a small dog, her years aren't all that many, but for a Boxer she is getting really old.
Shadow will have the house to himself. He tries to act independent - a true black cat, but he really wants me around. If he isn't with me, he wants to know where I am. I do worry about him, but he will survive. Perhaps he will appreciate me more and not attack me at every opportunity when we get back.
Yesterday I got my TENS unit. It is the thing that I considered my reward for PT back in the day. It stimulates the nerves with an electrical signal. It is heaven! I had no idea Medicare would buy the thing - like I have found they will send me my glucose monitor and strips. Oh, yeah - that is going well. Even though I watched the glucose level blow the ceiling out when I got the steroid injections last Friday.
So - all seems good. I will have a computer on the trip and Daughter is bringing her air-card. We MIGHT have a signal. If so, I will try to update along the way.
Peace.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Mute issue
It seems as though my worries were for naught. I don't know, but I believe the doctors talked to Larry's family last night. I believe they told them that he was never going to really be weaned from the vent because they took him off last night. He was monitored with just a mask.
I am taking the knowledge G presented and adding all this up, and I really believe in my heart that there were advanced directives in place, and the family honored them.
Larry passed peacefully this morning.
I am thankful for that. I know he must have been suffering although being sedated. My heart goes out to the family. The decision I believe they made was one of the hardest ones there is for a family. I am just glad he was able to go peacefully.
If I were faced with the situation I had with my dad, I still would have made the same one - even knowing how long he lingered. My alternative there would have been to have a feeding tube inserted. All that would have done was to keep the shell alive - the brain was so far gone that he couldn't remember how to swallow.
At the very least - decisions like this are terrible. They are filled with doubt and angst. I now pray for his family, and the legions of us left who loved Larry.
Peace.
I am taking the knowledge G presented and adding all this up, and I really believe in my heart that there were advanced directives in place, and the family honored them.
Larry passed peacefully this morning.
I am thankful for that. I know he must have been suffering although being sedated. My heart goes out to the family. The decision I believe they made was one of the hardest ones there is for a family. I am just glad he was able to go peacefully.
If I were faced with the situation I had with my dad, I still would have made the same one - even knowing how long he lingered. My alternative there would have been to have a feeding tube inserted. All that would have done was to keep the shell alive - the brain was so far gone that he couldn't remember how to swallow.
At the very least - decisions like this are terrible. They are filled with doubt and angst. I now pray for his family, and the legions of us left who loved Larry.
Peace.
Monday, March 12, 2012
I hesitate to even post this
This is a topic that has been weighing on my mind since last week when G went to see our friend Larry. This is not going to be a popular topic at all. I may even take this one down, but here goes.
G told me that when he visited Larry in ICU, he looked terrible. As expected, he had tubes and wires coming and going over his body. He was so sedated that his eyelids only seemed to quiver when G spoke or touched him.
They are trying to wean his from his respirator - that has been in place for THREE weeks now. G worked as the lab supervisor for the Cardio-Pulmonary Department in the local "charity" hospital for 30+ years. He knows about respirators. He said that not only was it his opinion that Larry wouldn't be off the respirator anytime soon, he didn't think he would ever be off of it and be alive. He looks for him to not go home but to a skilled nursing facility - where he will die.
He really believes that the 6 - 12 months is a very generous guess about his life expectancy. He, as well as another friend, suspects it will be more like 3 months - max. Larry has become so frail. Only his face, shoulders, and trunk were visible out of the bedding, but there was no muscle mass left. He is a virtual skeleton.
With that all said, it made me think. I asked if he had advanced directives, would he still be on the ventilator. The answer was unclear. The procedure that put him in this particular situation was one that was not one that would preclude the ventilator. In fact, it was standard procedure. But with the turn of events, that may be different.
If the directives were/are in place, it would now fall to the family I suppose. How do you direct the doctors to turn off life support for your husband/father. I do know how that feels. I had to do it with my dad. Not an easy thing to do.
Now I really am going to tread on a slippery slope. One of the final things we can do for out beloved pets is to allow them a dignified death. A fairly easy death.
Please do not read that I am putting people and animals on completely equal footing, but all my beloved pets have been an integral part of my family. I loved them so much. But why cannot we allow our two legged loved ones a dignified, less painful death.
I have faced this. Both as a patient and a daughter. I let my feelings be known - I do not want the heroic measures, but that doesn't mean that death will come easily. My poor father lingered so long. He basically starved to death because he was no longer able to swallow.
What's the answer? I really don't know. I told G that I simply cannot go to see Larry suffering like he is. To see such a great man in this condition - I can't do it. I just really don't understand. Human life is precious - absolutely. But why must a person suffer like this when death is imminent? I am absolutely sure his family would not agree - at least I don't believe so, but that's where I am right now.
My prayer is that I do not have to suffer like this when my time comes.
Praying for peace for everyone.
G told me that when he visited Larry in ICU, he looked terrible. As expected, he had tubes and wires coming and going over his body. He was so sedated that his eyelids only seemed to quiver when G spoke or touched him.
They are trying to wean his from his respirator - that has been in place for THREE weeks now. G worked as the lab supervisor for the Cardio-Pulmonary Department in the local "charity" hospital for 30+ years. He knows about respirators. He said that not only was it his opinion that Larry wouldn't be off the respirator anytime soon, he didn't think he would ever be off of it and be alive. He looks for him to not go home but to a skilled nursing facility - where he will die.
He really believes that the 6 - 12 months is a very generous guess about his life expectancy. He, as well as another friend, suspects it will be more like 3 months - max. Larry has become so frail. Only his face, shoulders, and trunk were visible out of the bedding, but there was no muscle mass left. He is a virtual skeleton.
With that all said, it made me think. I asked if he had advanced directives, would he still be on the ventilator. The answer was unclear. The procedure that put him in this particular situation was one that was not one that would preclude the ventilator. In fact, it was standard procedure. But with the turn of events, that may be different.
If the directives were/are in place, it would now fall to the family I suppose. How do you direct the doctors to turn off life support for your husband/father. I do know how that feels. I had to do it with my dad. Not an easy thing to do.
Now I really am going to tread on a slippery slope. One of the final things we can do for out beloved pets is to allow them a dignified death. A fairly easy death.
Please do not read that I am putting people and animals on completely equal footing, but all my beloved pets have been an integral part of my family. I loved them so much. But why cannot we allow our two legged loved ones a dignified, less painful death.
I have faced this. Both as a patient and a daughter. I let my feelings be known - I do not want the heroic measures, but that doesn't mean that death will come easily. My poor father lingered so long. He basically starved to death because he was no longer able to swallow.
What's the answer? I really don't know. I told G that I simply cannot go to see Larry suffering like he is. To see such a great man in this condition - I can't do it. I just really don't understand. Human life is precious - absolutely. But why must a person suffer like this when death is imminent? I am absolutely sure his family would not agree - at least I don't believe so, but that's where I am right now.
My prayer is that I do not have to suffer like this when my time comes.
Praying for peace for everyone.
Friday, March 09, 2012
Injected!
I did get my back injections today. I went to an out patient surgery center for this procedure - not a back room, albeit sterile I think, to get two (?) injections to relieve my back pain.
I had been to this out patient center before. It was years ago, before the Big M, and I was having some problems. My ob/gyn at the time wanted to do a good Dusting and Cleaning.
All went well - I guess. I awoke finally. I was sore - and never figured why I was so sore, but it seemed that as soon as my eyes were open, I was out of recovery and shoved into the car. I was still so drugged that I could hardly walk.
When I had these treatments at TPS, I was awake as soon as the procedure was over - in fact, I rolled myself onto the returning stretcher. That didn't happen today. I really don't remember exactly how I woke and figured where I was. I was offered something to drink. They got my vitals, settled a few more people in the recovery room, and then brought me my clothes.
Let me tell you - it was the D&C all over again. I felt like I was on the biggest drunk of my life. No wonder they wouldn't let me leave on my own. If this stuff showed on a breath-a-lyzer, I would be put under the jail. I am sure it shows up on the blood tests. I was really gone!
But it's done. My back already feels better, and I am to call the office next Friday to give them my results! That will be interesting because we will be in Alpine, Texas if not still aboard the train.
We are taking the grandkids (Daughter's three - plus the parents) on the Amtrak to Alpine. They have never been on a train - ANY of them. I really want them to experience train travel. I just hope it's a good trip. Our train group is going, and we thought this would be fun. We are just going to Alpine, laying over a night or two, and then coming right back. It will amount to 3-4 days.
Anyway, I am hoping for the best from this series of injections. They worked before. I don't have to take all the meds. Yea! I love this doctor!
And thanks to all of you saying a prayer for Larry and his family. He hasn't been told yet - thank goodness. He doesn't need to know - really. Having been there, I don't think I would have wanted to know if it was that bad. That may still come, but I hope it does before I am sliced and diced like his first surgery, and then this last one added. Too much suffering already. But, again, thanks!
Peace
I had been to this out patient center before. It was years ago, before the Big M, and I was having some problems. My ob/gyn at the time wanted to do a good Dusting and Cleaning.
All went well - I guess. I awoke finally. I was sore - and never figured why I was so sore, but it seemed that as soon as my eyes were open, I was out of recovery and shoved into the car. I was still so drugged that I could hardly walk.
When I had these treatments at TPS, I was awake as soon as the procedure was over - in fact, I rolled myself onto the returning stretcher. That didn't happen today. I really don't remember exactly how I woke and figured where I was. I was offered something to drink. They got my vitals, settled a few more people in the recovery room, and then brought me my clothes.
Let me tell you - it was the D&C all over again. I felt like I was on the biggest drunk of my life. No wonder they wouldn't let me leave on my own. If this stuff showed on a breath-a-lyzer, I would be put under the jail. I am sure it shows up on the blood tests. I was really gone!
But it's done. My back already feels better, and I am to call the office next Friday to give them my results! That will be interesting because we will be in Alpine, Texas if not still aboard the train.
We are taking the grandkids (Daughter's three - plus the parents) on the Amtrak to Alpine. They have never been on a train - ANY of them. I really want them to experience train travel. I just hope it's a good trip. Our train group is going, and we thought this would be fun. We are just going to Alpine, laying over a night or two, and then coming right back. It will amount to 3-4 days.
Anyway, I am hoping for the best from this series of injections. They worked before. I don't have to take all the meds. Yea! I love this doctor!
And thanks to all of you saying a prayer for Larry and his family. He hasn't been told yet - thank goodness. He doesn't need to know - really. Having been there, I don't think I would have wanted to know if it was that bad. That may still come, but I hope it does before I am sliced and diced like his first surgery, and then this last one added. Too much suffering already. But, again, thanks!
Peace
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Sad, sad, sad
My ex-Pastor and friend is not doing well. They are having great difficulty weaning him from the vent. That is the good news of the situation.
The place on the liver was, as worried it would be, metastasis. We had hall hoped against hope that the pancreatic cancer was discovered early enough. With that horrible cancer, it usually isn't. It seems he has 6-12 months.
Not good news at all.
The place on the liver was, as worried it would be, metastasis. We had hall hoped against hope that the pancreatic cancer was discovered early enough. With that horrible cancer, it usually isn't. It seems he has 6-12 months.
Not good news at all.
What a difference!
I was so afraid my left knee was not right after surgery (not admitting this to anyone but you - I did fall on the steps in June or July) so I had Dr Bones check it when I went for my annual check on the left one (that's great!).
There was no abnormality in the x-ray, and it was supposed that my back problem is causing the pain in the knee. Something about the nerve is trying to meet up with its other part on the other side of the incision. When there is a sciatic problem, it often causes this kind of problem. So I was referred to the pain clinic again.
I told the doctor that I really didn't want to return to TPS. I told him I didn't want all the drugs that they treated me with. So I was referred to the pain management clinic he wanted me to go to. Since I am now ancient and on Medicare - I can go to any doctor who will accept me. (side note - I haven't had a problem with that, but I remember eight years ago when I moved my dad and step mom - it was difficult to set them up with new doctors - the didn't want to accept Medicare.)
So I went to the new doctor today. What a difference!! She is out here at the relatively new medical center. They are only about 5 years old, and I was one of their first patients when I had the mastectomy.
This is a woman doctor (yea!) and is in the new professional building. My appointment was at 12:30 with me having to be there by 12 to write the book of my life. I was the only person in the waiting room. It was nicely furnished. Even when I left, the folks out there waiting didn't look like the ones at TPS who I swore were selling the drugs they scored from that place. I actually felt I would not be mugged!
The doctor is absolutely fantastic. She is about the age of my daughter. Just cute as a bug. Blonde - but the jokes don't fit her. She will not load me up with meds. She informed me that injections in my back will not cure me. She knew exactly where the problem was - of course I brought her the CD of my MRI as well as the diagnosis. She told me my back was an absolute mess.
She said she would inject me with a steroid. I thought it would be at some indistinct time in the future. Nope - tomorrow at 8! Wow! She also is having me fitted with one of the little stimulators for the back. All this in a pretty package!
Nice!
Peace.
All this great treatment and a wonderful environent too
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
Highs and lows
That's the way our small groups at church are to be started. Each meeting, everyone gives his high(s) and low(s) for the week - remember, we meet every week in these official small groups.
When I heard that with the first round, I said I thought it was stupid. Conversation among people begins - there doesn't need to be a prompt. This is when Daughter and SIL had to do one. I was so against these groups. Too frequent, too stilted, etc.
This go-round, there was a small group that was supposed to meet at local restaurants, and was for fellowship - at least that's what I thought. We missed the first two meetings because we were either already at the SSB or coming home. I don't want to go to a group after a 5 1/2 hour drive home!
We went to the meeting last week, and to my surprise, G wanted to go back. There were great people there. I knew there would be, so I wasn't too concerned about the group - since it was supposed to be a fellowship/dinner group.
We DID have the highs and lows, but it wasn't too bad. Then the rest of the night we talked and ate. We were meeting at the church, but I know that was because we could arrange the tables in a manner conducive to talking.
This week it changed. This week was still at church, still with the highs and lows, but we had an agenda. It was to discuss the sermon from Sunday. I. AM. TURNED. OFF. FROM. THIS. GROUP. NOW.
It was even mentioned - well the last three meetings have been fellowship, but we are going to discuss the sermon. I do not understand WHY the leadership cannot get it into their heads that the church wants more fellowship time.
That leads me to what kept me awake last night. Our (my) women's group on Saturday. I do not plan to run that group like this model. People usually volunteer good and bad things in their lives. We meet once a month. That little dedicated time for this has no place. Plus - these women want fellowship. That's something we haven't been able to do much of in the last two meetings. We were still floundering looking for direction.
We have direction now. We are going to be making tied fleece baby blankets for a group that supports young women under 24 who have experienced an unexpected pregnancy. That translates into mostly teens. They need all the help they can get. So we are going to learn to make these blankets. Then we can learn to knit and crochet to make little caps for those babies or premies at local hospitals. I am going to suggest dresses for little girls in Africa or Appalachia, or pillowcases for the children at M.D. Anderson Cancer Hospital.
We are going to visit, craft or learn to craft, and make things for someone who needs it. We are not doing highs and lows, nor or we going to have a set discussion topic.
In his latest blog post, Pastor went against himself several times in what he sees for the church. I know he will come to me with what formula he sees. He even said he doesn't think
"quilting bees, VBS, ... are doing what we need to do. He even hit small groups as not meeting what we should do - but he is pushing them down our throats, and is happy that so many of us have fallen in from the pressure.
He wants us to come to church on Sunday, be inspired to go out and minister to the world, and come back the next Sunday to begin the cycle over. What is wrong with us ministering to each other - with a little fellowship?
I know I am beating this subject to death. It just lives in me. I guess it does because I am loving this women's group. It is going where I wanted it to go. I am the "leader" only because someone needs to organize it as far as making sure the dates are published, securing the place. I don't really want this group to have a leader per se. We don't need it. I will try to put this particular soap box away. It isn't easy because I am constantly thinking about this and girding my loins to be strong when I have to stand up to Pastor.
Now to what got me thinking about this. Our real low for this week is that our ex-Pastor/good personal friend (battling pancreatic cancer) is back in ICU. Two weeks ago, he had a cyst of some kind removed from his spinal area. It was a long, arduous surgery. He is still on a vent, and being slowly weaned off. But now a scan has found a spot on his liver. It has been biopsied. We will know in a couple of days.
I am asking for prayers for him. Please. He needs them badly. Thank you in advance.
Peace.
When I heard that with the first round, I said I thought it was stupid. Conversation among people begins - there doesn't need to be a prompt. This is when Daughter and SIL had to do one. I was so against these groups. Too frequent, too stilted, etc.
This go-round, there was a small group that was supposed to meet at local restaurants, and was for fellowship - at least that's what I thought. We missed the first two meetings because we were either already at the SSB or coming home. I don't want to go to a group after a 5 1/2 hour drive home!
We went to the meeting last week, and to my surprise, G wanted to go back. There were great people there. I knew there would be, so I wasn't too concerned about the group - since it was supposed to be a fellowship/dinner group.
We DID have the highs and lows, but it wasn't too bad. Then the rest of the night we talked and ate. We were meeting at the church, but I know that was because we could arrange the tables in a manner conducive to talking.
This week it changed. This week was still at church, still with the highs and lows, but we had an agenda. It was to discuss the sermon from Sunday. I. AM. TURNED. OFF. FROM. THIS. GROUP. NOW.
It was even mentioned - well the last three meetings have been fellowship, but we are going to discuss the sermon. I do not understand WHY the leadership cannot get it into their heads that the church wants more fellowship time.
That leads me to what kept me awake last night. Our (my) women's group on Saturday. I do not plan to run that group like this model. People usually volunteer good and bad things in their lives. We meet once a month. That little dedicated time for this has no place. Plus - these women want fellowship. That's something we haven't been able to do much of in the last two meetings. We were still floundering looking for direction.
We have direction now. We are going to be making tied fleece baby blankets for a group that supports young women under 24 who have experienced an unexpected pregnancy. That translates into mostly teens. They need all the help they can get. So we are going to learn to make these blankets. Then we can learn to knit and crochet to make little caps for those babies or premies at local hospitals. I am going to suggest dresses for little girls in Africa or Appalachia, or pillowcases for the children at M.D. Anderson Cancer Hospital.
We are going to visit, craft or learn to craft, and make things for someone who needs it. We are not doing highs and lows, nor or we going to have a set discussion topic.
In his latest blog post, Pastor went against himself several times in what he sees for the church. I know he will come to me with what formula he sees. He even said he doesn't think
"quilting bees, VBS, ... are doing what we need to do. He even hit small groups as not meeting what we should do - but he is pushing them down our throats, and is happy that so many of us have fallen in from the pressure.
He wants us to come to church on Sunday, be inspired to go out and minister to the world, and come back the next Sunday to begin the cycle over. What is wrong with us ministering to each other - with a little fellowship?
I know I am beating this subject to death. It just lives in me. I guess it does because I am loving this women's group. It is going where I wanted it to go. I am the "leader" only because someone needs to organize it as far as making sure the dates are published, securing the place. I don't really want this group to have a leader per se. We don't need it. I will try to put this particular soap box away. It isn't easy because I am constantly thinking about this and girding my loins to be strong when I have to stand up to Pastor.
Now to what got me thinking about this. Our real low for this week is that our ex-Pastor/good personal friend (battling pancreatic cancer) is back in ICU. Two weeks ago, he had a cyst of some kind removed from his spinal area. It was a long, arduous surgery. He is still on a vent, and being slowly weaned off. But now a scan has found a spot on his liver. It has been biopsied. We will know in a couple of days.
I am asking for prayers for him. Please. He needs them badly. Thank you in advance.
Peace.
Monday, March 05, 2012
Just had to show you ...
This is the wreath I made for the front door. These fabric gauzy wreaths were the rage around here at Christmas, and I never got it made for Christmas. So I thought I would make the wreath for general purposes.
I have an embroidery design to make the letters on shamrocks, so I thought it would be cute. For a first try with the material, it's not a bad wreath. I am going to begin the Easter one this week or so. I'm just not sure I want to do those letters again. They are filled with thread. It took almost an entire spool!
Get to go for the nether region check this afternoon. I am not looking forward for the obvious reason, but I also have to go at 3:30. He is in the new professional building. They don't have free valet parking, plus there is very little regular parking around there. At the time I am to be there, I am sure there will be NO parking - so I get to park in the parking garage - and pay.
That doesn't make sense to me. One part has free valet, and the other you have to pay. That's what I would expect from Dr Rear End. He was my first Radiation Oncologist. All his patients called him that - or worse - because he never really looked at the patient. He was always turned around to the computer to input his data.
The weather is post card perfect - although, as usual, we could use the rain. But it is mild, sunny and breezy. I just wish those tornadoes would stay away from everyone!
Peace
Friday, March 02, 2012
Pictures that are placed in places that bombard you with radiation
I don't know why these people who work with radiation think putting pictures of birds, trees and flowers on ceilings and walls make the time less of a pain in the rear, but apparently they do because when I was getting radiation everyday for six weeks, I became very familiar with those birds, flowers and trees!
After the squeeze test (mammogram), I was whisked into the room where the bone density testing is done.
I had almost forgotten this picture on their ceiling, but it took me only about 10 minutes to remember what I found rather interesting although a little unsettling. I guess they didn't mean for this picture to be intensely view by wildlife biology people!
After getting me all settled on the bed (board), the tech leaves the room while the unit scans the lower body. Left to my own limited devices, I looked at the picture for a bit, and then partially dismissed it. Oh, yeah, the two male sparrows sitting on what appears to be an azalea branch with some kind of legume plant growing with it. Strange composition, but ok. There is a mocking bird almost out of sight, and some other kind on the right. I remember this picture, and I remember wondering about some of the composition.
Then I looked further. On the right, out of focus, are some larger birds seemingly high in the sky above. On the left, there is a large bird, in pretty fair focus, that is ... a hawk! What in the world is a hawk doing there obviously circling above these birds? Who decided to place this bird in the picture. Did they have some sort of perverse sense of humor, or what?
Well - needless to say, this gave my depraved mind something to do while my legs were pulled into a position that wasn't the least bit comfortable. I laid there contemplating how long it would take this bird to swoop down on these little sparrows after the camera was gone. Not long I would think. They were spotted, and as soon as it could, that hawk would get one of them.
The situation reminds me of one gynecologist I went to. He had Garfield posters plastered on his ceiling. I enjoyed them - the first time. As time went on, and they aged, the humor was gone. I almost despise Garfield today (just kidding).
Thank you Blogger for one thing! You save my ramblings. I thought this post was history because my fingers hit the wrong key. Nope - there it was. I am so glad.
And speaking of fingers - thanks for the support and advice with my new meter. It worked beautifully this morning because I went to the tried and true "finger tip prick" method in the place of the suggested palm, sides of the fingers, arm, leg, etc pricks. Now to drop 50 pounds to get rid of the meter!
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Oh, poo!
You know - if it's not one thing, it's another. Medical things and I just aren't getting along.
I decided to get the glucose meter to keep tabs on the blood sugar thing. I stopped at the drug store yesterday, talked to the pharmacist and got a meter he recommended.
I brought it home, went upstairs to work on WK's road track while I experimented with that meter. After five or so strips, I finally got one to work. Now - there were far more than five sticks with the "painless lancets."
I decided to try it first thing this morning. After my final success yesterday, I thought I had the hang of it. No, nope, nein. I have come to the conclusion that I simply don't bleed. I ended up with three sticks this morning -in places I thought I would bleed - well.
The first test was not enough blood. Hurt like heck, but not enough blood. The second, by the time I got blood and put it on the strip - the machine had gone off. That ruined that strip. So in disgust I simply got up.
At the rate I'm going, I will have used the month's supply of strips before the week is out!
I think what I need to do is get some snow white expensive fabric, make a garment that is 90% complete, stick some straight pins in it, and sew more. I will guarantee that I will stick my finger on a pin and bleed, as we often say in Texas, "like a stuck hog" on that white material thus ruining the garment!
So I have one more thing to complain about. Getting really boring!
Peace.
I decided to get the glucose meter to keep tabs on the blood sugar thing. I stopped at the drug store yesterday, talked to the pharmacist and got a meter he recommended.
I brought it home, went upstairs to work on WK's road track while I experimented with that meter. After five or so strips, I finally got one to work. Now - there were far more than five sticks with the "painless lancets."
I decided to try it first thing this morning. After my final success yesterday, I thought I had the hang of it. No, nope, nein. I have come to the conclusion that I simply don't bleed. I ended up with three sticks this morning -in places I thought I would bleed - well.
The first test was not enough blood. Hurt like heck, but not enough blood. The second, by the time I got blood and put it on the strip - the machine had gone off. That ruined that strip. So in disgust I simply got up.
At the rate I'm going, I will have used the month's supply of strips before the week is out!
I think what I need to do is get some snow white expensive fabric, make a garment that is 90% complete, stick some straight pins in it, and sew more. I will guarantee that I will stick my finger on a pin and bleed, as we often say in Texas, "like a stuck hog" on that white material thus ruining the garment!
So I have one more thing to complain about. Getting really boring!
Peace.
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