While we are still waiting, I can see that hospice had been a great benefit in less than twenty-four hours. When I went in yesterday, Dad's breathing was much less labored. They ordered a patch that would be placed behind his ear that lessened the secretions so that there was not as much mucus as previously been there. He seemed to be so much more at peace.
His death is still not an easy one, so I puts me back into the arms of guilt. I keep asking it I have reacted properly. Have I made the right decisions? The pneumonia is getting worse even with the antibiotics and the breathing treatments every six hours. The dementia is not going away. Even if we were able to stop the kidneys from failing and kill off the pneumonia, he would be bed ridden. He has been in bed too many days. He is probably a "silent" aspirators, so the pneumonia will be a constant threat. He has not been happy for several years. He somehow knows that something is not right. He is aware that is doesn't remember many things, and was already retreating into more sleep than normal to get away from social situations.
I'll be meeting with the social worker from hospice later today. I am looking forward to the meeting. She is good at what she does.
I really do hate praying for Dad's death. Death will be a blessing when it comes. Hospice has been such a good thing for us all. That is one decision I do not regret making. Later today I will be writing up a very specific set of advanced directives so that who ever I name will not have the same questions that I have.
Peace be with you.
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