Hospice

Dad was admitted into hospice care yesterday. He will remain in the hospital because his oxygen saturation is only 92% on 100% oxygen. His pneumonia has gotten worse, and he has not eaten anything in over a week. Hospice will make sure that he is more comfortable by getting the morphine administered on a regular basis. The nurse on duty yesterday was hesitant to administer it.

I emailed V's son (who is technically my step brother), but he still doesn't understand this situation is terminal. His response was to be sure to give him clear liquids and make sure he has a good pulmonologist. I guess men are like this. I was discussing that very fact with the hospice nurses yesterday. When V was comatose, R didn't believe it. We had to put it simply to him - if you want to see her alive you have to come NOW. So I don't take his response negatively. That's just the way he is.

The will to live is certainly something. I cannot believe Dad is still with he. His respiration is so rapid, as is his heartbeat. I cannot believe he has the reserves.

I can admit this now. My ex-pastor has shown me it's OK. I am really angry with God right now. I shouldn't have to pray for Dad's death. He is suffering so much. No child should have to pray for their parent's death, and here I am two for two. My mom was suffering from her cancer so much all those years ago, I prayed for her release. She did - that night. I felt so much quilt after that. I wish God would step in now.