Ponderings

I guess I just have too much time on my hands. I spend a lot of it second guessing myself.

I decided to put off the second reconstruction surgery until September with the idea that I would be able to swim most of this season. Well, guess what - I haven't put a toe in the pool so far. What a surprise. I must be a candidate for the new exercise pill I just heard about.

I am getting feeling back. That is good and bad. I like the idea that I am getting feeling back, and I am really afraid I won't have it once I have the second surgery and a big hunk of tissue removed. I have given up all hopes of ever having feeling under my arm however.

The bad thing about having feeling back is that I realize that this tissue expander is not soft. It is very hard around the edges, and it hurts. Any pressure on the area is really a bit painful. I love to sleep on my right side. That isn't the preferential position now. Just as well I guess. I won't be able to do it for several weeks after the next surgery.

My quandary about surgery is just as confused now as it has ever been, I just have more doubts. I know I have to have it done for two good reasons. One is to be more balanced. I still am large on the left. The other is to get rid of this blasted expander. I just wonder if I should have been scheduled for an earlier date.