Harried tidbits

I've got a bit of a break this morning. Doodle Bug has her 4 month check up, so she won't be here until about 10 or so. I have to admit, I do miss my non-scheduled life.

This afternoon I go back to the surgeon for a follow-up. It seems like a waste of time, the incision looks great. I just forgot to tell them I am allergic to tape. They used tape instead of stitches. So I have several little bumps where the tape was along with red lines to tie it all together!

When I left the hospital, they instructed me to leave the tape in place until it started to fall off. If I had followed that advice, and didn't have an appointment today where I'm sure it would have been ripped off, I would have the tape next year. It was stuck!

I decided that if the incision didn't hurt any more, it had to be healed. I guess it was!

G's father is not doing at all well. He just turned 88. He was in the hospital with a mini-stroke, and went back because his feet were so swollen from complications from congestive heart failure that he couldn't put shoes on. He was supposed to be in until today, but he was released yesterday. My "little" sister-in-law came back early, and there he was. Her mom let the sitter go because her daughter was there. Drats! Now the dad has diarrhea, but isn't aware of it. Things don't look good for him at all, plus daughter is not prepared for this. I hope she gets out. I don't know what is going to happen. We are here in Swampland and the other son is in Capital City. I don't want to go through something like what I did with Dad and V, but I think it is going to happen - soon.

We are preparing for the annual pilgrimage to Ranchito SSB. I know G will be ready to pull his hair out since there will be three grandchildren under 7 there for four and a half days! The dad gets to him too. If only S would get the idea that he doesn't have to fabricate to get approval. You'd think after 11 years he would snap to that fact. Oh well!

I don't know if the time will go as planned. I can see G having to make a trip to Alamo City during this weekend. I just can't predict what is going to happen. I just hope we make it to the Ranchito instead of only getting to Alamo City.

Hope you have a great Thanksgiving. I know I have a lot to be thankful for this year, and I'll bet you do too. If you are traveling, please be careful.

Craziness

I would say it is holiday crazies, but it's not close enough for that. I guess I need about six hours more in a day. I honestly don't know where the day goes. It simply evaporates.

My port is history. It was removed a week ago yesterday. I still have the strip bandage sutures. They continue to stick well, but alas, I really believe I am allergic to them since there is some nasty redness at the ends of each one. I surely am not going to peel them off however. I know I am not healed enough.

I was afraid they were only going to use a local anesthetic. I told my surgeon I really didn't want to listen to all that. So they used conscious sedation. I was a little apprehensive because during the colonoscopies, I was awake - completely! I watched as the doctor perused my colon. There was no pain, but I could tell you each twist and turn he made. It was interesting.

I was awake and aware during the beginning of this removal surgery. I knew when he made the incision, but they must have given me a real push of drugs because I was surprised when they had me move from the operating table back to the gurney, and the surgeon was long gone! All in all it was very simple.

I have had days of doubting lately. I read a magazine I picked up in the oncologist's office. There were three women, basketball coaches, who had breast cancer. It returned in all three of them. One took seventeen years. Now I doubt I will have to worry about seventeen years from now. I would be nearing 80. I do worry about 3-5 years from now.

All I can do is keep my appointments for check ups, and pray I have good doctors.

Hope your weekend was good, and now there is a new one on the horizon. Hope it is good for you. Mine is shaping up to be BUSY!! At least we will be home and not on the road. I'll just be sewing my fingers off getting ready for our little village's Christmas in the Park. Daughter and I usually do well there with out little craft booth.

Bits of dust from the ol' attic

After spending the weekend last week at Ranchito SSB, going through San Antonio to see how father-in-law was doing. The trip was originally to determine how they were going to handle getting by. Both of them are not capable of taking care of themselves and need to have someont with them all the time. Sister-in-law has been with them for six months, but they (parents) have been getting on her case about everything. So "the boys" (the brothers) were going to meet with Dad. He ended up in the hospital after falling from an apparent stroke. It is a bad situation.

I have been keeping Doodle Bug while K works. She is quite demanding and has a terrible temper. Wednesday was the absolute worst. I would have liked to drown her at points, but God made babies cute so we wouldn’t do things like that! Her dad had kept her for two days, and we are definitely different (and not in the most obvious ways!). To make that long story short - I have very little free time these days!

Last week, I thought I had the answer to her temper. When she got angry, it was usually because she was tired and needed to nap. I would swaddle her, she would fall asleep, sleep for 45 minutes, and wake in a good mood. This week, swaddling made her even more angry! We finally came to peaceful terms by Friday, but I’m dreading Monday. I haven't had her for two days now.

The best news is that I will have my port-a-cath removed on Tuesday morning. I am thrilled. One more step to being a survivor. The surgeon talked about doing a local, but when I went for the pre-op on Friday, they indicated that I would be put under. I have mixed feelings about that situation. I’m not sure I want to experience that procedure, but being put under is another situation all together. These people put me under twice in February, so I just need to trust them.

This week also brought a crisis with the in-laws. Sister-in-law had enough of parents and left. They had been riding her case even though they couldn’t still be in their home if she wasn’t living with them, but they don’t realize just how valuable she is. We had many frantic calls among the brothers. They came up with a plan to cover the parents, but their sister went back to the parents. Don’t know the outcome of this, but I think it won’t be good - at all.

NowI must leave you all. I have to get dinner ready for the family gathering here at my house - again. Thank heavens for slow cookers - especially the new ones that are so nice and big that you can prepare a meal for six to eight people.

Have a good one, whatever it is.

Yea!

Just a quick note here - I'm trying to overcome my arthritic stiffness to get the troup carrier for the trip to the SSB for the weekend. Gotta watch our property since our 16 year old nephew will be there along with (probably) 15 or so of his closest friends for the youth hunt weekend. Since the little place they hunt is surrounded by the rest of the family, he doesn't think a thing in this world about just using our feeders while he is there. At least he will not qualify for this youth only weekend again. He will be too old!

The real news is that in about a week, either Friday, November 2, or Tuesday, November November 6, I will be rid of the port-a-cath! I am sooooo glad! I may be imagining it all, but since it has been a good two months since it was flushed, I think I am having some issues with it. Regardless, the area is tender and always has been. But I get rid of it!

That is the big news. Funny how small things become so important. It's just another step toward feeling like a survivor instead of a patient.

Ya'll have a good weekend!

Families

According to Jeff Foxworthy, "You might be a redneck if you go to a family reunion to get a date."
We went to a family reunion Saturday. I was looking around, and realized that for my grandchildren (ages seven, three and three months), they could at some point go to the family reunions and look for a date because the lines of being related are really stretched. Their generation would be something like fourth or fifth cousins in some cases! I guess that would certainly make them rednecks!

We now have the fourth generations coming to this reunion. This is my father-in-law’s family, and the reunions began about 35 years ago. There were originally ten children in that family. It was five boys followed by five girls. There are only two of the boys left now, the oldest is about 91, and there are four girls left. The youngest is in her 70's. The first reunions were predominantly first and second generations (if we begin only with those 10 children).

When the reunion began, their children (us, in other words) were either newly married or not married. Many of them were still in school. Now we all have children, grandchildren, and one who married at 16 (!!) has great-grandchildren. Those children are fourth cousins. And there is a bunch of them!
It is interesting watching the family grow. With that growth, I find myself wondering if our children and those of their generation will want to continue this tradition. Back 30 years ago, I would have never dreamed that I would look forward to these gatherings. I thought when the previous generation was not able to organize them anymore, they would cease.

My generation has slipped into the organization role. Of the ten children, only five procreated. And of that only four had more than one child who is interested in this type of thing. The fifth family remained rather aloof, so their little chick didn’t interact with the cousins at all. These four families have picked up the gauntlet, and for the last 10 years, we have taken care of planning the reunions. I wonder what will happen with our kids (the "grandchildren" in this cast of characters) are of age to step up.

Lady Bug was busily playing with her distant cousins before lunch. She was having a great time. At lunch she rejoined us and her parents. She exclaimed "I’m related to all these people!" She was so amazed at that prospect. Her horizons suddenly broadened. Perhaps there is hope for this little family reunion!

This year she has been to the German hill country family reunion occurring in July. It never struck her that she was related to all those people also. Perhaps that is partially because there simply weren’t as many younger kids there.

I have become fascinated with researching our families. I have most branches of my family traced back many, many generations. It is a subject that has me addicted!

I hope Lady Bug really begins to appreciate family ties!

My son

This is not my planned post. I had another one already written and ready to post. God has a funny way of snapping us upright, letting us know that we are not the real planners of our lives. Things happen beyond our control. I had not planned to spend ten months of life in a battle with cancer. I didn’t plan to lose my right breast and my hair. I had not planned for major radiation burns on the upper right quadrant of my body. But it happened.

My son is worried about me. I guess he has a right to be in such a state. I can see the worry in his eyes.

His best friend’s mother also had breast cancer. She has the mastectomy, chemo, and radiation, just like me. She was on the pills to keep the estrogen level down, just like me.

The only difference on the surface is that she reached her five years on the pill, stopped and now she has recurrence. From what my daughter in law says, she has cancer in the other breast, liver, lung and heart.

I would like to think she didn’t take care of herself. I would like to think she didn’t follow up on appointments. I would like to think her doctor didn’t do everything possible here. I would like to think they never measured the enzyme levels or performed CAT scans after the initial ones.

B is so worried. He is just sure that five years from now I’ll quit taking my pill and have the cancer take me over. That thought is surely in my head also.

So I try to put on the brave front. I tell him I’ll be 67 then. I will have lived a long life. I tell him that I believe K H had been taking Tamoxfen, and I am taking Femara. There are fewer cancers associated with Femara. I hope that is the case, and I won’t be facing recurrences of cancer.

I told him that cancer is an chronic condition that I will just have to keep fighting. He is scared by that. He doesn’t say anything to that statement, but I can see his face.

At first, I was sure that I had beaten this thing. Even though it was a Stage 2, I was sure that I had beaten it. After chemo, I would have placed bets on it. Then during radiation, my resolve began to weaken.

Just a couple of days ago I was reading a cancer magazine for women in the oncologist’s office. It had a story about women’s basketball coaches. One was free of cancer for seventeen years. SEVENTEEN YEARS! It recurred.

Why would I have any better luck. KH is apparently doing nothing about her recurrence right now with the exception of a homeopathic treatment - she is drinking peroxide in her water to "reduce her acid levels." She is doing no chemo, no radiation. Nothing. She doesn’t want anyone to know about her situation. With her initial onset, she lost her job, and she doesn’t want that to happen again.

If she has the resources, she needs to use them. She will be a first time grandmother in March. She owes it to that baby to try to live.

On the other hand, perhaps the cancer is so wide spread it cannot be treated. Perhaps the peroxide is the only treatment she has. I watched the show "Crazy, Sexy Cancer. She had no real treatment options. She had to resort to the macrobiotic diet. It seemed to work. I guess that’s where KH is now. She may be in the situation where the treatment to kill the cancer would kill the patient.

I cannot help but wonder where I will be in five years. I wonder what I will be doing to survive at that time.

Health insurance - bah!

Although I shouldn't really feel that way - I hope!

I have survived my two days of blood work and oncology appointments and all is well. I was with the radiation oncologist yesterday. Everything is normal - including some of the pains I feel. They are apparently nerve regeneration. I am on a four month recall with them.

It was so nice to see all the folks that work there. I told the receptionist that, in a strange way, I miss coming out there. I think about the people I met while waiting for treatment. We developed a connection.

That presents an interesting problem. The clinic is no longer covered by my insurance plan. They have never said a word about it with the exception of the final visit at the end of the radiation when Dr. Behind (my comrades getting radiation named him that because he never looks at his patients - all we see is his behind), who is the main doc commented on what my insurance was. I have never gotten a bill from these people at all. So . . through this year they are looking at 4 month recalls, then 6 month, then a year, and so on. G tells me that because of "continuity of care" I will be grandfathered in with them. We'll see. I just play dumb!

I went to Dr. Poison, my ordinary oncologist. I am on four month recall with him also. He said that from my blood work I am tolerating the Remara well. He also said I could have my port removed. I had told him that I needed to have it flushed. He asked why I wanted to keep it. I said I certainly didn't. I just thought I would have to wait a year. I don't have to!!

This beings a new problem. My surgeon is not in my plan. Now he never charged me a dime over my usual co-pay of $25. I should have paid at least another 20% of his bill. Not a word. There is a part of me that almost hates to call him. I really think he makes most of his money on bariatric surgery. He does the by pass as well as the clamp. But I don't want another surgeon poking around in there. I really like this man. So I guess I'll give him a call!

It wasn't until I was talking with daughter yesterday that I found that my insurance is better than I thought. Her options for insurance at work do not allow for any cancer treatments - not a single option. I've been really blessed. I have only paid the co-pay for all the regular oncologist appointments and chemo sessions, and two co-pays for the surgeon. Nothing for the hospital, nothing for radiation.

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I'm really here

Yes I AM still alive and kicking. Perhaps kicking too much! I have been really busy, and that's a good thing. There are so many projects that I have been not doing. It's nice to have spurts of energy that mean I can get things done.

I painted a part of the upstairs ceiling. When we re-roofed, I had the 25 foot sky light taken out. It was at the peak of the roof, and the east end of it never looked like it was fitted into the roof properly. Besides in this climate, it made the house (upstairs mainly) way too hot. There was just too much sunlight coming in even though it was supposed to be double insulated. Now the hall downstairs is REALLY dark, but I really think we are saving energy.

I surely got off track there. The place where the sky light was needed paint. It was just raw green board. It got done!! It's not perfect, but it will do until I have a professional come in because I want the entire ceiling done, and that will require a scaffold. I don't put my body ten feet in the air to paint - anything!

I am scheduled for check ups this week. I though I would have had one already today, but they had to change the appointment from 10am to 2 pm. I thought things would work out beautifully. Since I changed the regular oncologist appointment (see the last post for that fiasco), I thought I could have my fasting blood taken early, go over to the hospital for breakfast, then to the radiation oncologist. Nope! Didn't work that way. But that's the way things seem to be going.

I am really fighting the battle of the bulge. I really thought chemo would make me lose weight. Nope - I gained. Now the pill seems to be adding to things as well. I'm just not ready for Adkins Induction or West Beach Level One just yet. I'm still enjoying my carbs (perhaps too much). I rationalize with the fact that "I'm still healing from all that stuff." At this rate, there will be a lot of grease from my cremation. Sorry that was crude. That kind of stuff just slips out from time to time. I ought to delete it!

My moods are still wildly switching. It doesn't take much for me to lose all patience. My temper is doing just fine, thank you. I really have to watch it. I tend to lash out easily, but I try to keep it to inanimate objects when no one else is around. That is one thing I really don't like, and I am really trying to change it. Yesterday I really cursed the mini blind bracket that fell and didn't cooperate with me to go back up. Simone decided her crate in our bedroom was the best place in the house to be! Shame on me!

I guess things will get on more of an even keel someday. I surely hope so. Otherwise I am really going to be lonely. And hugely fat.

The chronicle of my life

I have not had to use a day runner/calendar since I was working/teaching with two kids at home. My little experience with the little c (cancer) has changed all of that! It is a critical possession. I am lost without it. It holds all of my appointments.

When we last went to El Rancho SSB, I left it on the coffee table. It was in the same bag as my knitting. I was thinking that I wouldn't be doing any knitting, and I wanted to have the needles there so I could teach my sister-in-law how to knit. That thinking must have been the over riding thought because that bag was left. I didn't think about the day runner - that is until we were at least 75 miles away. That is certainly the point of no return.

I knew I didn't have any appointments that were immediately pressing. That in itself was a wonderful change from the previous months. I knew I had a follow up with the oncologist and the radiation oncologist, and I knew they were both together, one following the other.

One of the problems for me not having the calendar is that I couldn't check it daily and make notes in it. With my ever present "chemo brain" I have difficulty keeping up the the date. My concept of time is skewed - alot!

When we got there, in my mind, it was a week later than actual time. I was literally freaked out because I thought my oncologist appointment was today. Any other appointment would have been just fine, but I need to have my blood work done at least a day ahead. There was no time for that!

I called the office yesterday to change the appointment. I am still thinking a week ahead. Fortunately they weren't, but were probably wondering why I was so upset. What can I say? I didn't have my calendar for three weeks!

As it turns out, everything is better. The appointments are next week. I can go out, get the blood work done, and then see the radiation oncologist all on one day. Then the next day I can see the oncologist the next. It means one less trip.

Stupid "chemo brain."

The flip side

I am becoming more and more convinced that along with cancer comes a kind of wierd bi-polar disorder. One moment I may be laughing at something, and the next I am moved to tears. That certainly keeps one on an even keel (ha).

I was so pleased that I had enough energy to actually do something, but then the ugly flip side reared its ugly head. I am back where I was before radiation. I CANNOT go to sleep. This has been my life for three nights now. Where does that leave me today? Exhausted!!

I have tried the Tylenol PM which worked well for a while. I have tried the Ambien, which has mixed reviews with me. Neither is working well right now. I still lay in bed, tossing and turning. I'm about to hit the stash of hydrocodonone that was left over from the lumpectomy and ensuing mastectomy. I'm really just kidding about that though because I sometimes have a terrible reaction to that stuff.

Not being able to go to sleep is a malady I have had most of my adult life. I just can't turn off my brain. Now that my energy level is higher during the day, I lay there thinking of just what I could accomplish the following day. I try to just have my brain go blank, but it doesn't work. Menopause has only added to this problem. It is such fun.

At least I'm not having night sweats that I thought I very well might have as a result of the chemo pill that I am taking. It has put me through some usually occurring between 8-10 pm, but I can't put my not sleeping off to that pill.

It's so annoying to have to almost completely become sleep deprived before I can fall asleep. This must be hereditary because my son has the same problem. I used to tell him it's because he didn't follow a set pattern that most doctors recommend to fall asleep easily. He was like a typical teen. He would stay up until all hours, then on the weekends he would try to sleep all day. Now, in is thirties, he still has the problem to some degree. At least he doesn't have to face menopause.

I can just hope that my schedule will normalize somewhat. Either that or G and I will end up like his parents - we HAVE to have separate bedrooms so I can stay up all night and sleep all day while he gets up early to go to work (even though the parents don't have that kind of schedule).

On another topic, the burns I thought would never heal are healed, and I'm about through with the peeling from them. This means I can begin looking toward reconstruction. That's really good news. I thought I would not be healed until the first of the year. It is bad news because I'm supposed to begin keeping Doodle Bug the middle of this month. Well, things will work out!

I'm wired

After weeks of laying about having no energy, tonight I realized that it is back. I left the house this morning about 10:30 to go the the home improvement store and then to the craft store. G called me while I was still at the home improvement store to see if I would like to meet for lunch. That sounded like a plan to me.

After lunch, I did make it to the craft store. I got home after two in the afternoon. It probably would have been a quicker trip, but I was unaware that every Mary, Melissa and Susie (along with Tom, Dick and Harry) was into making homecoming mums and boutonnieres. I couldn't believe the sheen number of teens in that store.

Anyway, after I got home, I set up my telephones. I had to get new ones because the battery on the old one only lasts about 5 hours. I'm tired of it hanging up in mid sentence! I then went upstairs to my craft room (no B you cannot move back home). I finished a purse that had been in the works for at least ten months, and then I put the binding on Doodle Bug's baby quilt.

Normally, I would have been dead to the world on the couch by nine, but here is is 12:46 AM(!). I am wired. My usual potion of Tylenol PM isn't working. So here I sit, playing on the computer.

I will probably pay for this in spades tomorrow, or maybe not. I can't really predict. But I am going strong. It's amazing that I have so much energy left!

Also after my shower this evening, I realized that the burns are really gone, and all I have left is a little peeling skin. I could begin to think about reconstruction. That would be a good thing. I'm tired of looking for body parts to leave the house with. They are also HOT! Folks, here in Swampland we had a "cool front" go through yesterday. The temperature was still about 90. It is just a little drier.

So now I guess I will wait until I see the oncologist to ask his opinion of reconstruction.

One just can't have energy for too long, can one? Oh, and I guess my references of "today" are actually a little off since it's already tomorrow.

Pre-need, and not because of my "condition"

My friend Jim died on Friday afternoon. He was cremated, and tomorrow is the Memorial service that we unfortunately can’t attend. I can’t help but believe it was a blessing. He was miserable, and it was killing is family. There are those times when death is a true blessing - although it can be one in disguise.

He will be missed terribly. He was a really great man. That’s just not my opinion, he was an educator who was dearly loved. He already has two scholarships established in his name. I think that is just the tip of the iceberg.

The timing of his death is unusual though. G and I sat right here on Saturday morning and arranged our own prearranged cremations. Some will think this is morbid, but I have been through my mother’s death with no pre-planning, and then my dad’s with supposed pre-planning. Both were sheer hell.

With my mother, the mortuary played heavily on emotion, and the could. We were sold a mausoleum space (actually two - one for Dad), a very upgraded coffin, and a peignoir set for her to be entombed in. She was too good for regular clothes. Didn’t we want the best for our loved one? I look back and I am so appalled. But our emotions were so raw they could have sold anything. But they were so solicitous.

With my dad, he knew how emotion ruled at the time of my mother’s death, so he set his and V’s funeral. Bless his heart. He didn’t know all of the things that remained to be done. The process was terrible. I didn’t have to chose the coffin, I had his suit ready, and he chose how many escorts and so on. Too bad it didn’t work that way. The obituary didn’t make the paper before the funeral, so no on knew. He was living here in Swampland instead of San Antonio. The mortuary also didn’t call the cemetery in time, so they were not able to open the crypt so he could be put in after the "ceremony."

So - we had just the immediate family there at the service because no one knew about his death. We didn’t need the escorts for the procession to the cemetery because there would be no opening that day. To make the story short, even though it was all decided, "pre-need," I still had to pay over $700 above what was already paid for. I wrote the manager of the mortuary to tell him how horrible the funeral was. I got my money back. As I should have.

So G and I went with a group I had heard about. It is pre-need. Everything is paid for in full. We will be cremated. We have the urns, and everything is decided. The survivors can plan a Memorial service. No fuss, no muss, and best of all no morticians!

Jim, I imagine your ashes will be scattered about 1 mile from where mine will. Rest in peace. I’ll join you in enriching the land someday.

The J-curve

For a while now, I have been reflecting on the philosophy we had been pushing in public education (at least in the school district where I taught) that we must enhance the ego of out students. We had to provide them success. They were not responsible for their own success.

At one in-service I attended (oh, I do love in-service meetings, not!) the leader expounded on the merits of the J-curve over the old reliable, naturally occurring, bell curve. Her rationale was that these children today will be those who will be working when we are retired. They need to have successes in their lives.

The J-curve means that there are lots and lots of A’s, B’s and C’s, but just a few (maybe one or two out of one hundred and thirty) F’s. The children are all successful. They FEEL GOOD about themselves.

The problem here is that very simply put - they did not earn anything. There is no responsibility on the child. There is no responsibility on the parent. The teacher is the one who must make that child feel successful.

Well, I guess according to that rationale, I was a lousy teacher. I am a strong believer in personal responsibility. As much as I loved the subject matter, I wanted my students to leave my class knowing HOW to do things. If they chose not to do any work, they deserved to fail, and in reality they knew it. Padding grades did not help these kids.

One of my special memories was one boy who did not want to dig for anything. Since reading was such a big item on Texas’ standardized tests ( you know those tests - they tell you exactly how much a child has learned that year), we were encouraged to teach reading across the board. I would do an activity called "Directed Reading." It was to take the passages in the text book verbatim leaving out key words, or if really advanced, asking a question about the passage. Gasp!
This fellow didn’t want to read to find the answer. He wanted it given to him. I began using my questioning tactic designed to make (and help) him think things through. He was so frustrated he almost cried. I kept prompting and supporting. When he discovered the answer on his own, you could see the pride breaming from his so brightly he lit the entire room. He found success, and it was not easy. He did become an independent learner that day. In my class, at least, he became a true leader. He and I were proud. It was a good feeling.

I look in the paper about some of the products of that philosophy. This year alone, there have been six football players at University of Texas who have been arrested (all for felonies believe). I cannot help but think they are a product of the something for nothing J-curve philosophy. I have heard rumblings of leaving the J-curve. I hope so.

Like most of the "new revolutionary" ideas I saw in teaching, if you ride the merry-go-round long enough, there is nothing new. It all comes around again.

Light at the end of the tunnel

After nine months of dealing with my diagnosis and the ensuing treatments, my house is a total wreck. I suppose I should not use that as an excuse, but honest - it is!

Of course fifteen years ago when I was nursing a broken ankle (boy THAT is another story), my mother in law informed me she kept a perfect house with her broken ankle - wheel chair and all. My orthopedist cautioned me that if I re-broke that ankle, there was no more bone left there to put another screw into. He would have to take bone from the hip to graft to the ankle. That was enough for me. I was going to be as careful as possible.

My mother in law and I have marked differences in where housework lies in the scheme of things. I decided long ago that my kids were much more important that a spotless house. I found that if I did things with the kids, by golly, the house was still there. No little gremlin came in and did the work for me. I could still get it done. She on the other hand, spend all her waking hours cleaning.
Now, she could have unexpected guests anytime and not feel uncomfortable, while I would be cringing.

But back to my house. I have finally been getting enough energy to begin tackling the clutter. It is absolutely amazing how fast "stuff" gathers. My dining room became a storage area. Don't know where to put something, that's OK, put it on the dining room table. No more room there, put it on the floor by the table.

Yesterday I got that mostly cleared out. In fact, we even had dinner in there last night. My next project is the office. Amazing what you can put behind closed doors.

I really am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel! That may be because the clutter it out of the windows!

Jim

When this schizophrenic ride I was put on with this cancer sends me plummeting into the throes of despair, I should always remember my friend, and distant relative, Jim. I have written about him before. He has ALS. The only thing is that now he is really dying from ALS.

I cannot imagine how he felt when he received the diagnosis. You KNOW you are going to die - and soon. He was diagnosed about three years ago. Things progressed fairly rapidly from then. He first lost the use of his left arm. Then it was his right.

At last year’s Wide Spot Community Club Christmas party, he was there. I hadn’t seen him in a while. I was shocked to see that he had to be fed. He couldn’t hold a fork. I was thinking about how sad that was.

Last week when we were at the SSB, the neighbor who lives between his place and ours told us that hospice has said it is a matter of days now.

In my Pollyanna world, I assumed that his death would not be painful. After all, in my thinking, ALS is a disease of the nerves. They stop communicating with the muscles which leads to paralysis. Yeah, that is true, but the pain receptors don’t quit working. He is in pain, and alot of it.

Jim had been on methadone. It wasn’t enough. Hospice wanted him on morphine. Jim didn’t want it. Well, he was outvoted.

A newborn baby can do more than Jim can do. He is able to turn his head a bit to the right, but that is it. When he is moved, his head must be supported or it will drop back - like a newborn.

I think of Jim often these days. His mind is still sharp - save the morphine fog I’m sure he is in. He has hours and hours to think about his impending death. His family is all with him now, and I hope that brings him some peace. I hope it also gives his wife some respite from the care she has shouldered by herself all this time - alone except for the few hours hospice is there.

I know that Jim is ready for the future. He is that kind of person. Before he plunged even deeper into his paralysis, he had a motorized chair that he could control. He wanted to attend church. The men in his congregation even removed the last pew in the little church so that he could come in. I don’t think he ever made it in person, but I am sure he was there in spirit. I really think Jim is ready to meet his God.

Still I realize I am weak. I bemoan little things about my plight. I wish I had his strength.

Eureka!

The results are still out, but I think I stumbled on a great solution to my ever deteriorating skin. I have been rubbing Silvadine cream on my skin religiously both to heal and stop the pain. While the results were good - healing did happen over weeks time - there was still some pain and a lot of tightness.

I was sitting at my vanity last night and my eyes fell on the vitamin E oil that I bought after my mastectomy. The oncologist suggested it would help heal the incision. I know the radiation oncologist said not to use anything greasy, but I think that was when the burns were so oozy. What I have now is dry - very dry. So in my mind, dry plus oil equals GOOD!

So I sprayed some on my side and chest. I was still hurting when I went to bed. The real burn felt like a burn, but this morning, the pain has abated quite a bit. There is not nearly as much tightness.

I had used the oil on my neck earlier this week. It was almost healed then, but was itching terribly. My neck looks great! It is almost normal. Now I can only hope I have the same thing happen to the other burns!

The oil is vitamin E and baby oil. I figured it couldn’t hurt - at least too much! I shall continue with this experiment.

What I did this weekend

I don’t know what to do with myself! A whole day to do whatever I wanted. No treatments! What a luxury.

The weekend went way too fast. My sister-in-law really can’t understand why going to the SSB (if I knew how to link, I would send you to the post that explains why our little place is called Stings, Sticks or Bites - but alas I am too illerate) would be a welcome break as well as a way to celebrate ending treatment. It was great. I could just become a complete vegetable - which I did! I wasn’t ready for the weekend to end.

I have had another break-down of skin, and I fear there is another on the way. Even though I am using the soft sports bras, there is enough pressure there that it does cause problems. I know the answer would be not to wear the bra, but I just can’t do that in public! Thank goodness for the new prescription of Silvadine!

My energy is returning. It is really something different! I have been so tired for so long. I was tired before I was diagnosed, and the treatments, while not making me ill, did sap my strength. G was telling his parents that I will be doing something and suddenly say "I’m tired, I’m going to lie down." It is true! That is the way I was. Things are getting better. Perhaps I will be able to shovel out the house now. That would be good.

I am anxious to have my next appointment with my oncologist. I want to know that enzyme level that measures tumor activity. I like to know that number! Right now, it is great. I just want it to stay that way.

Grandma K - the roller coaster! Thrills of a lifetime

This roller coaster called cancer treatments that I have been riding is exhausting! I have just come from the lowest point of the ride and am cresting a high hill. Things are going so much better now.

I have three more radiation treatments. My skin is almost healed from the past treatments. I still have one fairly bad lesion on my neck that requires treatment with the cream, but the underarm is completely dry. That in itself is good news.

To get said underarm healed required almost the entire tube of silvadine cream. Since I am still working with the 2 x 1/2 inch lesion on my neck is going to require more of the blessed cream. I filled the prescription on September 4. I called it in two nights ago. My prescription insurance denied the refill!

I was able to keep my panic to a minimun. Surely they could tell by my other prescriptions I am a cancer patient and I must have a good reason for needing the ultimate lesion cream. Good grief people, I GLOW in the dark after all! I called last night to check on the progress. They have relented. I get more cream to soothe this little bugger that's left. Now if only the new area that is being blasted doesn't begin to drip off of my body I will be doing just fine, thank you very much. I may not even need that whole tube!

After two and a half months, the steriods seem to be leaving my body. Almost since I began chemo, I was eating like a bird. (You do know they require LOTS of food, right) Simone needed to either keep moving or stay in her crate because if she got too still . . .

My appetite is under control again. I was beginning to wonder. I was the one who went into chemo with the attitude of perhaps dropping a few. It was certainly one way to deal with what was going to happen. I mean if you HAVE to be poisoned, it may as well have some good effects.

I was so wrong. I gained about 30 pounds. The little Indian radiation oncologist said it would change, but I thought she doesn't know my body. It loves to hold on to pounds like gold. But she was right. I may be able to drop all that.

I hope this crest of the hill doesn't drop again into a plunge. I hope I am really "pulling into the station" and this ride of treatments is really coming to an end, and I can take on the role of cancer survivor.

Some disappointment

I am rather depressed. I got the news that instead of having my treatments end on Monday, I have until Friday. I had my heart set on only having 33 treatments. The radiation people never told me that - ever. I got that from Dr. Poison, my oncologist. It shouldn't cause me so much anguish, but I really want this over.

I am tired of all of this. This is nine months this has all been going on. I want it OVER! I am finding myself falling into a depression whenever I am alone. I don't want to constantly be dragging my family down with my complaining. I have a pamphlet with the phone number for a group who talks to cancer patients. I didn't think I needed it, but I am reconsidering that idea.

I can't believe how much my fellow radiation patients have been there as a listening post. That is coming to an end (even though not soon enough in reality), and I think I need someone.

My burns are still present, but the neck lesion is half what it was. That is good news. I am just hoping the new intense radiation on the masectomy scar doesn't bring the same effect. I continue to work with it.

This cancer thing has taken nine months out of my life. I guess I am silly enough to think after treatment ends on Friday I will have my life back. I know I won't, but perhaps there will be a little more time for me.

Things will be better. I know that. Thanks for listening!

I love Dr Poison now!

The visit to the oncologist yesterday was indoubtably the best one I have had. I felt we were really on the same page - finally.

When he saw the burn on my neck, he immediately suggested that he prescribe Silvadine cream and Lidocane jell. I jumped on that. This time, he even gave me some sleeping pills. It was no longer the suggestion to try Tylenol PM.

Since I had a dental cleaning, I decided to get the prescriptions filled immediately and pick them up on the way to the dentist since the pharmacy is next door to the dentist. I slathered the Lidocane on my neck so I could stand the drape on me. It was good.

When I got home I tried the Silvadine Cream. I wasn't expecting much. Peggy (my new "friend at radiation) said it didn't help her when she was having this radiation. She extolled the virtues of the Lidocane. I couldn't believe how soothing the Silvadine was immediately. I think things will be getting better!

I was amused when Dr Poison asked about joint pain from the Femara. I answered "who can tell. Since I already have arthritis, am taking steroids, and now Femara!!" But we will see. I seem to be tolerating it fairly well. My hot flashed have increased (which he said can be controlled), but I am not miserable with it all.

My Ca-27 was 19. He said that was right where we want it to be. That was good news. So far there are apparently no new tumors to worry about. Perhaps all this will be worth it.

My next adventure, after healing from the radiation burns, will be to pursue reconstruction. One more path to explore.

Ho hum

Tomorrow will be a really busy day! I begin with the oncologist, and I intend to make him work for a change. I am going to ask for his advice on my neck which has begun shedding skin in the fold of my neck. I think the real purpose of the appointment is to determine the date of the next scan and look over the blood work. I just hope their computers are up for this appointment. I swear they don't have a paper chart!

After the oncologist, I will kill some time at the medical complex because I don't want to drive home for what will end up being just a few minutes. Then will be the first of the new radiation treatments here in the last of it. My neck and underarm should be spared some of the radiation. I just have to decide how I am going to treat the area with either the aloe or the cortisone cream. I'll work that out.

Then in the afternoon, it is off to the dental hygienist for a cleaning. At least that shouldn't be too much of a strain. Most of the teeth are crowns! I don't think they can find a disaster that will cause me to be sent over to the dental side again. Those were interesting days!

I may have too much going on for one day. I don't like to admit that I just can't handle that many activities in a day, but the sad truth is that I can't. I will probably be wiped out tomorrow afternoon!

What a mundane life! But I intend to enjoy it.

The skin of my neck

Today's visit to the radiation oncologist may literally save the skin on my neck ! My radiation treatment is coming to an end - finally, and it will change. One of the doctors came in to do additional artwork on my chest. I think that instead of the six positions that I have had the radiation treatment, there will be just one or two. The therapists attached a new device to the ray of death machine that looks like it will deliver radiation just to the place where my masectomy scar is. They attached a plastic box on the end. My chest has a large rectangle that is divided into two parts. I think that will help my neck and underarm. They will not be the direct target of the rays.

This is such good news. A patch of skin on the right side of my neck is angry red, and it is beginning to be really painful. I was telling G last night that I was finally glad the masectomy left numbness under my right arm. It is past angry red. It is purple! I have enough feeling to get the idea it would really be hurting if there were feeling.

At least the end is near! That is such good news!

Tidbits

The day has finally come! I have ten more treatments. Friday they wanted me to wait to see the doctor so he could do another drawing on my to mark the area they will be intensifying treatment on here at the end. I thought the six tatoos would be enough for them to zap me, but I have had a drawing on my upper right chest for twenty three treatments now. Plus, I get x rayed every treatment to determine position. But the end is truely in sight! Yea!

Today I was reading one of our local columinist in the paper who was talking about his habit this time of year to write about the temperature. He decided that he did not need to go outside to remember his eighty plus summers. He got me to reflecting on last weekend with Lady Bug.

We went to Wide Spot's community club dinner and meeting, which was really the ice cream social. The county's newpaper owner/editor was the speaker, so we all went. About the time he was finishing his talk, Lady Bug came up to me to complain about the heat since the building in which we meet is not air conditioned. She was hot, and at the very least she wanted to go to the car to sit in the air conditioning.

She got me to thinking about my own youth. We didn't have air conditioning either in the house or car until I was eighteen years old. What we had for the summer months was an evaporative cooler. Now these apparently work wonders in fat west Texas and other dry locals, but San Antonio was only a bit less humid than here in Houston. I remember shoes that were not worn much in the closet molding. Now, people completely freak out about mold. We had it every summer!

Several years ago, I had some small precancerous growths burned off my left cheek. The dermatologist said they were probably from the days of cars not being air conditioned. I think this is true. I was even older before we got an air conditioned car.

Lady Bug did not even try to comprehend these facts. I will agree it was very unusual for Wide Spot to have the heat with the humidity that we had that night. Perhaps the fact there had been a ten inch rain in the area accounted for the humidity! She didn't care. She wanted out of it, and didn't care a flip about my early life when such things were normal. She went to her dad - who turned on the car's a/c!

Such are our children today,

Will it be worth it all?

My mother died of metastic melonoma 34 ago. At that time, I swore if I ever was diagnosed with cancer I would not do anything about it. I would not have surgery and certainly not have any therapies.

My decision probably came from the fact that after her surgery, the surgeon stated that for the most part her lymph nodes were clear. It is true that there were no other therapies done for her because there was nothing that was successful with melanoma. But within five years she was dead.

I thought there was no reason to go through such destructive and mutilating surgeries. Her cancer was on the top of the outer ear, so she had the ear removed. If you were mutilated so and die so soon, why do it.

And when I found the lump, I opted for surgery. The first one was a breeze. I was thrilled that we could just remove the lump and save the breast. Then the pathology report came back with the news that there were no clear edges.

That didn’t sway me. I said to remove the breast, and I even asked if the other one also should be removed. There wasn’t a glimmer of my past resolve present. I probably had a better feeling about it all then than I do now, but there is no going back.

I suppose that is the real reason that I don’t seem to face the fact that I have cancer. Intellectually I know I have cancer, but emotionally I tend to look at all of the ensuing treatments as just other medical procedures. I think I am looking at the cancer as some other ongoing medical condition.

It’s strange that these thoughts would occur to me now. I am two thirds complete with the radiation. In a few more weeks, I will have another PET/CAT scan. I am expecting to find that it will be clear. I wonder why I am thinking about my stand when my mother was diagnosed.
Things are getting better. Not only am I almost free of treatments (I hope), but my eye brows are back, and the eyelashes and hair are returning. I am looking forward to having reconstruction. I really have weathered all of this pretty well. But I still remember the past decision - just leave me alone, no intervention.

I hope I will be able to say that all this was worth it.

The countdown

After today's treatment, things will be on the down slope. Today marks treatment number 17. That means 16 more. Or at least I hope so. I was sent to the lab to donate more blood for a CBC yesterday. So was the older gentleman who gets his treatment before me. His wife told me he was in week six. I told her that was wonderful - they would be completed soon. She told me that they were told they had about 26 more treatments to go - another 5 weeks. Oh how I hope that is not me!

I am going to have to tell the doctor that I am noticing pain right now. It seems after a couple of treatments (after the weekend), the area feels really tight, and if I strain to much, it hurts! I hope that it normal. So far the real discoloration hasn't been too much. After the weekend rest and cortisone lotion, I was back to almost normal coloring. Not so much today. I am fairly red even though I do put the lotion on at night.

I'll have a longer break from it this weekend, It is SSB time, I find myself really looking forward to the break from treatments and the like as well as the slower pace of life up there. It's supposed to rain. That's ok. I plan to chill - even with the three grandchildren running around.

Oh, and I will be away from the weather people here who are absolutely beside themselves, We have a disturbance in the Gulf that will probably become (hold your breath) a TROPICAL STORM. And they are doing their dead level best to dry to turn the hurricane, Dean, into the Gulf and into Swampland. Oh my. By Tuesday I'm sure they will postiively be foaming at the mouth. I'll want to leave again!

Bad days

Right after the results of my biopsy, I remember my surgeon telling me that I would have good days and bad days. I was naive enough to believe that he meant that some days I would be much sicker than others. SInce I weathered the chemo so well, I assumed he was wrong,

Today, I think I more understand what he meant. I have not slept well in two nights. I am really exhausted. We had the kids here last night, and that always puts a little strain on things. G decided that since the oil in Ol' Blue had not been changed in eight months, and since it had reached 3000 miles, it had to be done today. That entails getting up at the regular time so that we can get it to the shop by 7 A.M. That was done.

I left home at 11:15 to go to the radiation therapy appointment, even though I knew it would mean that I would be there at 11:30 for my 11:45 appointment. When I walked in and saw that the wife of one of the men who is ahead of me was still sitting there, I knew they were running late - again.

I finally got in about 12:45. It seemed that they were taking forever to get me situated. They take x-rays each and every time to insure alignment, With the arthritis in my shoulders, it is painful and almost impossible for me to hold the elbow tight against my body. That is exactly what I have to do, or the machines hit me. My hand became numb, but the deep nerves were sending a signal of pain in my thimb. I don't understand why they cannot use the little tatoos and other marks that are on my body that are there for that purpose.

Anyway. I had already called G to let him know they were running late because he had a doctor's appointment at 2. He was frantic that he would have to take the green monster because my car wouldn't be back, and he left the other truck in the shop.

They got me out and I was able to make it home fifteen minutes before he was to leave. I am even more exhausted. He calls the shop - the truck it ready - he has eaten lunch and been around here for over an hour - and wants me to take him to get the truck right THEN so he could take it for the appointment.

I had just barely sat down. I couldn't believe this. I really was very upset with him then, in fact I'm not too thrilled with him right now.

So now I know the bad days have nothing to do with nausea. They are just flat out bad days!

This and that

Well, I am still limping along utilizing someone's unsecured WiFi. I wish I knew who, but thanks a lot!

Today is our 39th anniversary. Sometimes I'm amazed that we made it this long. Guess we were too lazy to seek a divorce! Just kidding, but it is amazing all the same.

If things go right, I only have 20 more radiation treatments. I will really be so glad. It's a real drag going every day, but now most days they are running an hour behind. I surely don't get there early with the hopes of getting in early any more. The therapists are always so apologetic, and I know they are doing the best they can, but it really gets old!

I was wondering when the burn would happen. Well, I wonder no more! Now my wonder is how bad it will get. At least there is something to keep my interest in this procedure :).

It's almost time to get ready to go (and sit!). I need to disconnect my modem to exchange it. That is the last thing I can do to try to correct my connection woes.

Have a great weekend!

I'm back!!

Finally I am back. So far the radiation is going well, no burned skin or anything at all.

So why have I been away. Computer problems! My laptop is very finiky. The least little thing sends her into a mood where she won't cooperate. THIS time, I closed her lid too soon. She had not completed shutting down, and I closed her lid. So to show me who's boss, she wouldn't show anything on the screen after the prompt to ru n BIOS.

I finally got her to the clinic, and now, $64 later, she is working, but I'm not sure about my internet connection.

The internet connection may be the real problem with the desk top. That one worked like a charm (even though the monitor had to be placed on its right side so I didn't have to get a crick in my neck) for one day. The next, I couldn't access the internet. I checked the computer. I unplugged the modem. I took the router out of the system. I changed cables. My next thing is to (groan) go to Comcast to change out the modem and pray that is the problem.

I have a nagging doubt that there is anything wrong with anything that is in my house. I really believe since we have changed from Warner to Comcast that Comcast is in a snit about the deal of the re-seller I use to access the internet. Although there may be something wrong with the cable.

I can usually get onto my neighbor's Wi-Fi, but I don't think I can today. Both mine and theirs shows a connection, but I can't get on line. I have found another unsecured neighborhood connection that is so weak I imagine I'll lose it at any moment.

But that's my story. If it weren't for computer problems, I would have so much more time!

Where does my time go? (and other random musings)

That is a question I honestly cannot answer. I am amazed at the people who can crank out posts to their blogs on a daily basis - AND they are good!

I not only have no clue as to where my time goes, but it seems that my life is totally devoid of any inspiration for something new and, well, amusing. Am I really so totally wrapped up in this fight against cancer that I don’t do anything that is blogable?

Oh well - weekend update. We went to the ranch this weekend. The purpose of the trip was really the family reunion - although I found that I really have missed being there. It’s been a month, and I never thought I would miss going to that far removed from civilization place that I used to hate.

But those were the days that we stayed in my mother in law’s house. The is the most OCD house keeper I have ever met. Her medicine cabinet is arranged alphabetically. I don’t have the desire to check out the pantry. That would probably send me right over the edge. I never felt I could clean her house as well as she thought it should be cleaned.

At home I am not by any stretch of the imagination a fastidious housekeeper. When I had three "jobs" (teacher, part time church organist, and weekend shop keeper at a local flea market), I decided that life was way too short to spend my life doing chores that would have to be repeated the very next day. Spending time with my family was far more important.

My house is at times cluttered. I will even admit that. Some will classify it that way even when I think it is cleared completely. I am a hoarder. When you teach, you soon discover that as soon as you throw something away, you could have used it. Now I am a crafter, so that philosophy is still in operation.

But there is a clear difference in the house at the ranch. I am almost a minimalist there. Rather sparse furnishings as opposed to the house here in Swampland. I like the open spaces - hence the family gatherings are at my house (even without the fact it is the largest).

An invasion of ants made me be paranoid about how things are stored in my pantry. I must have cornered the market on plastic totes, plastic zip bags, and Press n Seal wrap. I patrol that space like crazy. If someone puts something in there that isn’t sealed against all possibilities - they find it in the things they are taking home.

Now, after an invasion of mice, I am a fanatic about any bits of anything the little vermin might find appetizing cleaned up. I had to spend hours cleaning and disinfecting surfaces and DRAWERS! The little buggers tried to make nests in my drawers.

But now the house is secure, and I am driving my kids crazy! But even with my daughter’s family there, we had a great time. We got to see family we haven’t seen in two years. The only thing that is disconcerting about the family reunions is that we are now the "older" parents. Hard on the ego.

Since we were gone, I enjoyed missing being radiated yesterday, and today we begin again. I theorize I will be completed with this business September 14!

And to Robin Roberts (Good Morning America), bless you. May your days be as good as mine have been. You apparently found your much earlier than I did. That’s good. I hope your treatment will be as easy on you as mine has been.

Ho-hum

I try to pull something new and witty out of my life to share here, but it seems life is pretty much the same old thing around here.

I am either waiting to leave to go for radiation or I have just come back. I really haven’t done anything in this world that is earth shattering.

This weekend will be a little different however. We are heading to the ranch for a family reunion, and my daughter, K, and her family will be joining us. That should liven things up - a lot!
There is a family reunion, and she thinks this will be a good time to show Doodle Bug (the newest one) off. She will be able to have most of that side of the family meet her.

I have plans for me and Lady Bug. We are going to set off in the new "Mule" Sunday afternoon (weather permitting) and look for wild flowers. Because of the unusual rains, we still have wild flowers blooming. After we find them, we will press and dry them. It will give her something different to do.

As usual, the weather here is completely falling apart. The real rains will be moving in this evening with flooding expected tomorrow. I just hope we can get out and go! The plans are that as soon as I get zapped, we will hop in the Green Monster and take off. I hope so - even though I worry about the situation here!

I hope I don’t come home to find several inches of water in my house! And I will let you know how the folks at the radiation lab take me missing Monday! Have a great weekend.

One down . . .

Yesterday was my first radiation treatment. I won’t say I had no idea what to expect because I have read a lot and Lee Ann, who frequently comments here, really helped to pave the way.

I was taken in almost right away. I still really believe I had fallen through the cracks setting an appointment, the whole process was quite smooth. I went straight into the dressing room, changed and into a small waiting room. In just a few minutes the therapist came in with the consent papers, explained a few things, and then we were in the radiation room.

The staff was kind and reassuring. That really helps.

The things that is so bad is the appointment is 11:45. Smack dab in the middle of the day. I may be able to change it at some point. I hope so. Of course, I will have to tell them I am missing on Monday because we are going to the ranch for a bi-annual family reunion.

I met with Dr Poison this morning. I think he was surprised that the radiation had taken to long to begin. Well, he can talk to them. Of course, the computers were down at the oncologist’s office, so he had no real information. It really was kind of a waste of an appointment.

He did say that we will do another PET scan in about 10 weeks. That one will tell if we have been successful.

Off to radiation - again.

Birth announcement

Doodle Bug joined her siblings, Lady Bug and Monkey Boy, last night at 7:09 pm. She weighed in at 9 pounds 6 ounces and measured 22 ½ inches long. She is the biggest baby yet although the other two were no slouches.

We have big babies in this family. My niece had twins in October and both were right around 8 pounds - one being a little under while the other was a little over.

K was to be at the hospital early, but we apparently had a baby boom here in Swampland. According to the nurses, the rain and the full moon help with that. K’s nurse said it is really bad during a full moon and a hurricane. I guess so! The moon’s pull and the low pressure. Wow!

Everyone is delighted with Doodle Bug with the exception of Monkey Boy who upon entering the room after her birth announced "I don’t want that" while looking at Doodle Bug. When his aunt questioned him about a baby before they got there (Lady Bug and Monkey Boy are staying with their aunt and uncle), said "no baby!" I guess he is going to have a bit of a rough time.

All, with the exception of Monkey, are doing great. Doodle is much calmer today since no one is messing with her, but she does have a temper.

It’s nice being a grandmother. They don’t live with me!

Catching up

Things have been rather harried around here of late. My arthritis has just about made me bed ridden, but there were the appointments some of which I had made months ago. So I was out of the house for these appointments.

I went to my cardio guy on Tuesday. I told him that Dr. Poison, my oncologist, remarks on a heart murmur every time I see him. Dr Cardio said he had never noticed, and he listened again. He still couldn’t hear it, so I got scheduled for an echocardiogram.

He was pleased with my blood pressure as well as the cholesterol. But now my blood sugar is high. Oh great - what next? He said if he was still high in January he would send me to an Endocrinologist. I can hardly wait. Just what I need. More doctors, more meds.

I called the Radiation Oncology people again. I will swear that I was forgotten! The person answering the phone said she would have someone call me back. I am set for Monday. I find that interesting. As I said, I really believe I fell through the cracks.

Yesterday I got to have my port flushed. I was quite nervous since neither Darellynn nor Kay were there. It was someone new. She had never accessed my port. I could just see her poking around until I screamed, but she listened to me and was great! She is good!

I then went upstairs to give yet another gallon of blood to be tested for my appointment with Dr Poison next week.
The afternoon was set aside for the echo. I guess I’ll hear about that next week.

Right now I am waiting to go to the hospital to be with my daughter. She is to be induced today. That has already gotten "screwed up" because they have had a baby boom. Her OB wanted her there at 5 because this is his "early day." She was told to go back home, eat a light breakfast and return at 9. Now she has been told to come back between 11 and noon. Now I know why my surgeon didn’t want to do my lympectomy then mastectomy at that hospital. Unfortunately, the new, wonderful hospital doesn't have an OB service.

And of course, Swampland is being drowned again this week. It has continued to rain daily, and today is the worst of all. It is a real toad strangler, and is supposed to stay that way all day.

Have a great weekend. I hope to be back here Monday afternoon with a report on my first radiation!

This little piggy . . .

Even though my toe looked so nasty yesterday, I bravely bandaged it. I was going to get to go out for lunch. I had to get my priorities straight, didn’t I? Why yes!

After lunch, I came back home to rest a little and complete my shopping list to go to the grocery store. That was a task I could have gladly put off until today, but G was going to take cinnamon rolls to work (that is another entire story - I’m tired of providing those folks with food - they eat more than any working group I know of).

I used to have a lot of open toe shoes, but now I have one pair. They are not particularly comfortable and are a short platform shoe, but I do not want to buy another pair of new shoes right now. I started to go to get a pair of Mushr*oms with no toe, but I really won’t need them. The shoe pulled on the bandage quite a bit, so I rushed through the store more than I should have. Read I didn’t get everything I wanted because I didn’t put it on the list thinking I could remember it.

I was very apprehensive when I got home. I was thinking the bandage would, once again, be stuck. To my joy, it wasn’t. It still looked nasty, but I got the bandage off.
After the soaking, it really looked good. Even the peroxide didn’t bubble up. Yeah! The toe may make it through this.

K called last night. She is having some contractions, but they are apparently not the real thing even though they can be quite severe. Perhaps we might have a baby this weekend.
Another day has passed - no call from radiation oncology. At this rate I won’t be finished by Labor Day!

I was expecting something like this

Being the studious cancer patient that I am, I was aware of something like this happening. In fact, I really expected it to happen. I watched intensely - waiting. I just didn’t expect it to be like it is!

A couple of months ago, I wore some sneakers that were a little tight in the toe. I went to Tar*et and on to the grocery store because the one at Tar*et was a toy grocery store not having the items I needed. We were going to the Hill Country the next day, and I needed to get that task done - THEN.

The big toe on my right foot was killing me, but I forged on. I had my mind set on my goal. Pain wasn’t going to deter me. By the time I was finished, I absolutely had to take the shoe off.

A few days later, I noticed the nail was black. I had formed a hematoma under the nail. I would be losing the nail. This is something that happens to chemo patients. I had read that the chemo will cause the nail to darken and fall off. So I thought I was lucky. This is the only one.

Last week, the nail began oozing. It was clear, so in my Land of Denial, things were perfectly ok. Infection causes the ooze to be discolored. So, ignoring the advice of my family, I did not call the podiatrist.
The next week, the ooze was yellowish. Of course that was on Thursday afternoon. I called the podiatrist. I could not be seen until Monday.

So off I went. I explained it all to the staff and the doctor. She then cut off the nail. I got instructions on how to soak it, splash on peroxide, clean it out daily, and to come back the next Monday. I thought that was probably not going to be necessary - at the time. Funny how ideas change.

Today it is a real mess. I am afraid to bandage it because the bandage will stick to it! If I don’t bandage it, I can’t go out. Decisions, decisions. There is a bandage in my future because I have to go out.

I was expecting something like this, but not to this extreme. Oh, and by the way, there is still no set date for radiation. Bah!

I guess it’s time to get on with my life since I haven’t heard from the Radiation Oncology department. There are several other things I have to get done.

One is to get the appliance repairman out to work on the ice maker. Right now it is more like a glacier maker. The water valve must be leaking because the ice cubes that it dumps tend to stick together after a bit. We vigorously work with an ice pick to clean out the icy mass, but only have a few days to enjoy the huge quantity of individual ice cubes before they once again become a mass. The little stream of ice that descends from the ice tray to the bin adds a nice touch like being in a cave looking at the stalactites. Who needs an exotic vacation?. Just open my freezer and behold the sights.

I began this post yesterday with hopes of having the choice repairman grace us with his magnificent knowledge. In my lifetime, I have had only two other repairmen. One, Old George, retired leaving a huge gap. I was lost until we found a nice appliance store where we bought our once new cook top. They had a repairman they highly recommended - Leonard. He was great. I used him for many years.

Being the wise consumer that I am (yeah, sure), I have purchased appliances that are well constructed, and my need for a repairman are not as great as they were when I had small babies whose socks would get stuck in the filter on the washing machine. When I needed repair on the dish washer, I called Leonard. His answering maching answered as usual, but Leonard never called.

When I called again - it was the usual answering machine. No Leonard. When I called the appliance store, they were also confused. Leonard seemingly disappeared from the face of the earth. But they had a new guy - Mike.

I called Mike yesterday. I left a message. I have not heard from Mike. Could it be that he thinks I am a little crazy? I had him out before to look at my vent hood. The light would not come on. He took the bulb out and put it back. Guess what! It came on. I felt like a dolt. But what he doesn’t know is that later it pulled the same thing. It wouldn’t come on. I know something he doesn’t. There IS a problem with that thing - probably a short somewhere. But the situation remains. The short is still there and we never turn it off!

Mike has not called, there is a glacier in my freezer that allows only five individual cubes to collect, and I want ice! So I ventured into the yellow pages to find the number for the after warranty place where I have gone to get the parts that I know how to replace. They supposedly come out. If you will excuse me, it’s time to see if they still exist now. Then I must call the air conditioning people to crawl around in my hot attic to check the units!

Happy BIrthdays

Today and tomorrow are two of the special days for my family. Today, three years ago, Monkey Boy was born. Tomorrow, thirty one years ago, B was born.

For an uncle and nephew, these two are two peas in a pod. They are so much alike. Monkey Boy reminds me, as well as his mother, so much of B when he was a baby. Wheels are things of complete fascination. Cars are to be adored.

Monkey Boy is more like his mother in the fact he has had ear problems. His, however, were never ones that were obvious, so he is now delayed in his speech. She on the other hand wore her ear infections like badges. Monkey Boy has been serviced by Early Childhood Intervention, and has shown considerable improvement. He still will lapse into his old habit of just babbling, but there is more and more clear speech evolving. He will be seen by the school district in the fall for more help. I am so glad he is getting help before school.

B struggled through school. I am so upset that he struggled so much. Now that I have more education on the topic, I am sure he was an attention deficit child. Our elementary schools are open concept which means the "classroom area" is just that - one big open room with grades 1 - 5 all literally huddled in small groups surrounded by whatever the teachers can find to eek out their small space - bookshelves, tote keepers, etc. You walk in and the children are huddled on the floor at the teacher’s feet, and she is struggling to keep their attention. Everyone must speak in whispers.

B had real trouble with that set up. It set the stage for his entire school experience. He never learned how to focus on the teacher. He wasn’t interested in what she had to say. There were a lot more interesting things going on in the world.
But he has made it out of school. He only made two semesters in college. That is another sad story for another time. He is successful in life however. He was able to get on with the local telephone company. He has installed phones, repaired phone lines, and now he is a cable splicer. It is a good living with a good, reliable company.

He also amazes me. He can remember things that I cannot. He began with certain comic strips that he loved. That has expanded into song lyrics. He remembers thousands of songs and that is important because he does have his band. They play on weekends around the area and there is a good following for the band.

So instead of worrying about Monkey Boy and his current special education label, if he continues to follow his Uncle B’s lead, he will be successful too.

Happy Birthdays boys!

Catching up

Night before last we had a scare. K called at 11:30, right after I fell into bed. She thought her water had broken. I went over to be with the kids as they went to the ER. I was pretty sure if was a false alarm, and it was. I know she really wished it were real. She is so ready to have that baby - at least partially. That baby will be about 9 pounds, so K is really
miserable!

I have gotten over most of my fears about the future. Now I am a little miffed because a week has come and gone and I have no appointments. I have not heard from them at all.

I called Tuesday and was told that they were "working me into the schedule." Great! The treatment that will gobble up the most time and I am waiting doing nothing.

This is the first time since this whole story began that I haven’t been rushed into a treatment of some type. I don’t handle that well at all. I try to believe that I am not a control freak, but I guess that’s not the case.
Well, lets hope I get a call today or tomorrow to begin Monday.