Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Body image

A lot of women struggle with problems with body image. I am definitely one of them. I always have and I always will. I’m not trying to make it seem like I am blaming my parents on my problem, but they did have a great deal to do with it. They always made references to me being fat - even when I wasn't .

I decided early on that I would never do that to my children regardless of their body type. K takes after me, which means she takes after my mother. Funny, huh? Mother was on the heavy side too, but never missed a beat to point out that I was "chubby" at six.. B is my father reincarnate. He is tall and thin. But I never said anything about their body types. K has been able to manage well. B doesn’t have to worry unless it’s about putting on weight (oh how I hate that !!).

If you already have body image issues, just get breast cancer. It does wonders to add to your feelings. First you get to have a mutilating surgery. Dr Surgeon did what will hopefully be good later by leaving extra skin, but right now my right breast is a sunken area with a horrible scar down the middle. It is so horrible. I refuse to be seen by anyone but G without the prosthesis.

Now I get to add being bald to my lack of body image. I am not bald yet, but the hair is going fast. I didn’t think it would bother me, but it is. As I have said, I have been wearing a wig for over a year, but there was still something on my head. I think soon there won’t be anything. It is a blow to the old ego.

When I first began this battle, I thought I would be ready for all these changes, but as they occur I wonder if I really am. But then, as with many other things life throws your way, there is nothing to do but accept it and wait until things get better.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

From all the articles and stuff the experts say it's our lack of control that is the worst part of the cancer. I have only alittle issue with the way I now look (just a bit missing) but I can imagine what you are facing. I don't mind getting old, I just don't want to look like I'm old! Soon your hair will grow back and you can spike it up and make the kids laugh or refuse to be seen with you! Sorry you're going thru this.