Teenagers

You would think after teaching them for 29 years, all the psychology classes I sat through with them, and raising two of them into adulthood I would understand this teen. She is my barely 13 year old step granddaughter, and I can't figure her out.

She came to live with K and S June 2004, and this year she made the decision to remain here. She doesn't want to go back to her mother at all. I'll be the first to admit her like there was not good, but I wonder exactly how much she brought on herself.

When she got here, she was very rude and mean to Lady Bug. Sibling rivalry at its worst. That has gotten a little better, though not much in reality. I don't understand it because she has four siblings at her mother's house. That, in itself, makes her very needy, but she can't get over the desire to be the center of everything.

I guess her neediness is why she is constantly testing limits. Children do like and need limits, and they will test them. It gives them a sense of security. They know they are loved. Back in the late seventies, I had tried my luck at real estate. WRONG timing. I ended up being the "educational therapist" at an inpatient psychiatric hospital. I saw those kids needing structure. They had none in their homes. Most of the homes were non-nuclear. Because of this, most of the kids were in charge, and they felt like there was no one there for them. They acted out, and behavior management allowed for no variation. Break the rule - suffer the consequence.

My step granddaughter, M, tests the SAME rules over and over. The outcome is the same, but she goes back and repeats the same behavior. If she is expecting different results, this is the "definition" of crazy. There are rules about makeup, clothes, grades, computer, and phone. She tests them at every turn. She gets grounded, she gets corrected, but turns around and does the same thing.

She has been in therapy, and will continue. It really doesn't seem to do much good though. I hope something works soon. She needs it to happen. I worry about her future. I also worry about the other two children.