The first week we had Dad here was, in reality, a nightmare. It also proved to me that I would be unable to keep him here in my home. At the time I was baby sitting my granddaughter. I was having back problems, and walking for any distance was not an option. Also our little city was having major street construction, and car travel along those streets was blocked.
The first night he was with us was fine until it was bed time. I woke to find him in our bedroom quite confused. We had lived in this house for 28 years at the time. They visited frequently, so the house SHOULD not have been unknown to him. Later that night, he went outside.
The second night, I slept on the floor of our den so that he could not get by me without me knowing. We have an alarm, but I didn't to turn it on out of respect for our neighbors. The floor is hard!
He would become stir crazy in the house. He would want to go outside. OK, that's fine, but his walks would go beyond our block and I couldn't see him. If the hose was strange, what about the neighborhood. He could get lost in the area and I wouldn't be able to get to him. I would have to put the baby (18 months old) in the car seat to get him as quickly as possible.
He was here for a week because the Assisted Living Center was not ready. Fortunately I had visited with the a couple of weeks before. I had wanted Dad and V to come down to see if they could live there. As usual, V drug her feet. This is the same way she had done when I found how Hometown could help them. I found adult day cares, transportation (yes, friends he was still driving them around even though we all begged her to stop him), and help to come in. She dropped the ball. Nothing was done. Then in one quick afternoon, things changed. I had to step in. I made the decision for them.
When she got out of the nursing home where she was to rehab, they were to be in the assisted living portion of the center. When the room was ready for occupancy, I moved the furniture, and got him ready for the move. They were going to watch him that night to be sure he wouldn't leave. As it turned out, even though it was just a trip to the rest room, he "got away" from them. So he ended up in the locked unit. He is still there.
V was in a terrible nursing home. We, for all intents and purposes, took her out AMA. We brought her here. She was in the original room; he in the locked unit. They would spend most days together. When she got really sick, she spent about two weeks as a inpatient at M D Anderson. She returned to Assisted Living on Christmas Eve. We tried to have Christmas in her room, and then she died the next day. When we brought him over for Christmas, he seemed to know her, but the next day, he didn't know her.
After having him for the week, I did realize I could not keep him. He would lock door knob locks that could lock us out of the house, he wandered. V's niece and V's sister kept their Alzheimer's patient at home, and I felt I was a failure. But with the two of them, I believe I made the best decision. I didn't consult her son, I just acted. V's family, who were scattered all over the US constantly called me, assuring me that I did so the right thing and they were so happy that I did. Come to find out, her son was not as dedicated to her as I once thought. They all saw him as being very selfish, and they felt I acted more like a child to her than he ever did.
It is still not an easy thing. But I have to accept, and do the best I can.
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