Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Raw Emotion

I just got off the phone with my daughter. To some people, this would not be such sad news, but it is to me. In order to be promoted, she will have to relocate. These words send me into a very deep depression. Not only will she be gone to another area, so will my precious grandchildren.

When K was growing up, I practiced the "I'm not your friend - I am your mother" style of parenting. I tried my best to have a good relationship with my children, but there was always "the line." My mother was a very mercurial person. I never knew which way the wind was going to blow. I was also an only child. That gave her too much time to notice me. She would say hurtful things; she would unfavorably compare me to others. She is probably the reason I am the way I am as I illustrated in the last post.

K is a grown woman now, and we are friends. We are close friends. In addition, we are business partners. We so many things together. Weekends we are with her family. I can be with my grandchildren. Our relationship is very close. If she leaves, there will be a huge gap in my life.

I was not able to count on family for back up when my kids were little. They were (at the time of lower speed limits) four hours away. If one of the kids were sick, one of us would have to stay home. If there was a scheduling problem that was just too bad. There was no one else to pick them up. These are things I have been able to do for her, and I have been thrilled to do them.

The old adage is so true.
A daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life.
A son is a son until he takes a wife

My son still comes by some. Well, for now that is not an option. He has his cats here. But since he married, his relationship with us is very different. We just don't see them very often. Even when they have children, my relationship will probably be different. His wife, C, is just different. Our relationship is different. I was in the delivery room with K. While I don't certainly expect this, I'm not sure C even wants us in the hospital.

I guess this is the time to simply enjoy the time we have. I shouldn't be "borrowing trouble." I just don't want to think about the possible outcome.

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