Oh my!

All is packed, ready to go on this Easter’s adventure, and I have a couple of hours to wait until G gets off work. It has given me a little time to reflect on talk television from yesterday. There is a certain man on television who has a Phd in Psychology. He got his beginnings from a certain richest woman in the world. I think we all know to whom I am referring.
Anyway, on his program yesterday he had a forty-five year old man who was engaged to a seventeen year old girl. They had been having sex since she was sixteen, and she is living with him now. They plan to marry in 2114. My head is still spinning, and my stomach is still very upset by that fiasco.

The thing that really stuck in my mind, after my initial revulsion of the situation with this minor girl, was his statement that he wanted to be a friend first and a parent second. I could not believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t believe he was serious. But then any man who does what he is going really doesn’t have both oars in the water anyway.

He is very fortunate that his sons seem to have really good heads on their shoulders. In fact, one of them is the one who wrote to the program. He hates what is going on there. Apparently their mother is a good mother. She realizes that she must be the parent first.

Children have friends. Parents, they don’t need you as a friend. They don’t want you as a friend. They want, need, and respond to you being a parent. They want, need, and respond to limits. I know it doesn’t seem like it. Being the friend is the easy way out. They are going to constantly test you. They want to know those limits are still there. The limits show in a very clear, nonverbal way that you love them.

There is always time for friendship with your children - like when they are out of the house, working and are responsible adults. It’s wonderful to have their friendship - then. If you put the friendship first, you may possibly be visiting your child in prison.

I worked for a while in an inpatient adolescent psychiatric unit as a teacher. Those kids weren’t mentally ill really. For the most part they had no parents. They had two older friends. We would get them back on track with behavior modification. That is nothing more than a strict set of rules along with immediate consequences for misbehavior. When the kids got to a certain level, they could go home for the weekend. Guess what! Mondays were interesting to come to work. I never knew who would be in seclusion for acting out when they got back. They had not had to follow rules for two days, and they went into a tail spin.

Please be a parent to your child. Step up to the plate and make rules, and follow through. This doesn’t mean to abuse your child, just give consequences that fit the punishment if needed. They will love and respect you in the long run Then you have a friend.

By the way, I’m not reflecting on the main topic of that segment. It still nauseates me too much!