Today grandchild 4 is expected to make his/her appearance. I will be at the hospital for an undetermined length of time. Christina's mother has said she expects me to be there to keep her company, but I really am not looking forward to it. This will be experience #5 with pitocin. One was deeply personal, and the other 3 previous were with my own daughter. I know how much pain there is with this. I know my (and Krissi's) OB/Gyn says there is not difference in labor with or without. I would like to ask him when he personally experienced pitocin!!
Anyway, I hope to post tomorrow to tell the world that we have a happy, healthy baby _______. I think it will be at least 8 pounds. Christina's doctor said so much. When I looked at Christina Sunday evening, I didn't see how that baby could gain another ounce. There can't be any more room. Krissi and I are lucky - we are tall. Christina is not. She is miserable. She is hurting. A lot.
All this and the fact that I am working so hard to get my embroidery files together to get this business going makes me wonder. I know there is no absolute for anyone of us. None of us were given a ticket with the number of days we have on this earth. But I wonder if my cancer will return - soon.
I can't help but think I am spinning my wheels doing all this stuff. This is all such a waste of time.
I also think that only one of my grandchildren will remember me, and when she is 25 I'll be just a dim memory. That is the way I remember my maternal grandmother. My most vivid memory is when she was living with us. I remember standing beside the stove in the kitchen, and she had just made potato soup. That was probably the best thing I had ever tasted.
I was 16 when my other grandmother died, but I had not seen her in several years. Again, I don't know what happened there because something obviously happened to sever that relationship. Our pastor called us at 7 A.M. to ask if the person he had just read about in the obits. No one even called my Dad to let him know she was in bad condition. Anyway, as old as I was, I mostly remember staying out in the country with her overnight. We would be in bed and she would be reading her western pulp novels.
Sometimes I wish I could have a crystal ball to see what was in the future. But would it really change anything? I don't think so. I think I would go on living, as I really do now, thinking I am impervious to anything. Silly isn't it? But at least I might know the sex of that baby!
Peace.
1 comment:
This very thing--about my youngest grandchildren--dying before they are grown up and remember me. I try to spend time with them and do things that they "might" remember, but...and I just found out that this summer they will moving away to another state. I can't afford to travel all that much, and I shall miss them terribly, but I put on a brave face and told their Daddy, "You have to do what is good for YOUR family." Then I came home and cried because they are going to be leaving and they will forget what their Mimi was like!
I hate getting older and wondering how many springs or summers I have left--it sometimes stymies me from doing "future oriented" things and I shouldn't feel that way.
I KNOW that induced labor is more painful and that doctor saying that there was no difference obviously is a man and has never had to go through labor induction!
I know you will love this new little grandchild on sight. Stick your nose into its neck and smell that new baby smell--heaven on earth!!!
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