I give up - I think

Yes, here I am wildly waving a white flag. I give up - I am beaten.

Tuesday when we returned, I went to the mail box at the same time as my neighbor. Since my diagnosis, and following whilrwind treatments, I have become somewhat a recluse. We waved, and she came over toward me. I decided to come clean with what had been going on over the last two years.

During our conversation she reminded me of the fact that she had a partial knee replacement. Everyone I know who has had a partial or complete knee replacement is so glad they did it. Since I was absolutely miserable yesterday, I think I am waving the white flag. I think I will look into it. Maybe.

She told me her doctor had also replaced both of her husband's hips, and they love him. I had tried to get an appointment with him before Christmas when I was having the shoulder pain. The scheduling dude for them is a little less than stellar. When you call, you are put on hold because he "is on the other line." When you come off hold, you go to his voice mail which says he is away. You have to leave a message. He returns the call much later.

I think I may go ahead and run the gauntlet to get an appointment. I cannot stand the doctor I went to with my shoulder. If I had listened to him, I would be sitting here with my shoulder bound most of the time, and doing dreadfully painful physical therapy on it the rest of the time. I also would have less freedom of motion.

I am hesitant to go because I know he will tell me to lose weight. I know I have to lose weight. Knowing and doing are two separate things. I was successful with a lot of weight, then came the cancer. That slowed me and the lost weight found me. It had made new friends while absent from me, but brought them when it came back.

I have to do something. We have a vacation scheduled for August in Minnesota. It is another train convention - that means walking and standing. Those are both things that I cannot do now.

So my mind is made up - sort of.

Peace.