They remind me of used car salesmen

For a year I have been tossing the idea of reconstruction surgery about. Right after the mastectomy, I was ready. Just do it - now, please. Since my surgeon was not a plastic surgeon as well, he couldn't do it.

As chemo went on, I was thinking I wasn't sure that I wanted another (probably more) surgery. I would just stay the way I am. During radiation, I was glad there wasn't more tissue there, and at that conclusion, the doctor said I should wait a year anyway.

At that time, that was fine. I was still vacillating. Where I am right now is a totally different place. I find myself mourning my lost breast. I feel as though I have been mutilated. My body image, while never being good, is really in the trash can right now.

In February, I asked my oncologist for some names of plastic surgeons. I had already done some research so I had one in mind. He gave me three names. One, who was also recommended by my surgeon, is not in my PCP book, so he is out.

I went to the websites for these remaining three doctors. I was so upset by them I sat and cried as I read through their sites. I can't explain, but I felt so cheap. I felt these men were so sleezy that I could have been going to the used car salesman who would sell a heap of bolts to some poor person who would have to pay by the day because they were so poor.

Rationally, it makes sense that these men are PLASTIC surgeons, and as that, they are going to do cosmetic surgery as well. They will offer botox and all those kinds of things, but I just felt cheapened by the website.

I called for appointments with two of the three. The third really disgusted me the most, and if he were to suggest the "flap" it would be the old method. I don't want muscle removed. I have enough abdominal fat to fill the nation's women who need reconstruction! The people who manned the phones were just so . .perky. That didn't help my feeling - at all.

I am trying to get my mind straight. I need to accept what they do - other than reconstruction. I guess I was looking for someone who was a little more low key than these sites appear to be. Those appointments begin on the 15th. I'll let you know.