Monday, March 31, 2008

Watch your eyes

It's me again. I haven't run away or fallen off the face of the earth or anything. I just don't know where the time has gone - again.

I guess the glare from the huge yellow stripe that runs down my back has temporarily blinded me. You don't see that stripe. It's right here and it even extends out about 3 feet on each side. I do have it and it means that I am such a coward.

There is no reason for my being a coward on this point, but I am. I am vacillating about keeping Doodle Bug longer. She is getting so strong that she can almost get out of my arms. That is bad. I have tile floors. Baby's head + tile floor = disaster. She is also crawling now, and really trying to walk. My knees are worse than they have ever been. I don't think I can chase her very well.

Then I also have my own selfish reasons. I want my life back. I don't leave the house when she is here. In fact, I don't do anything when she is here. She has such separation anxiety when I am out of her sight. I want my life back. I went from chemo to radiation to baby sitting. This has been my last year.

On the other hand, she is so precious. She can melt my heart with one little look. I can also save her parents a boat load of money. Not that they need me to do that, but it does help them. I can also keep Doodle Bug healthier.

I say I can keep her healthier, she gave me a cough! The cough could be from allergies. Swampland is a teeming petri dish for allergens. I had not gotten any of my OTC meds in a long time. So that could cause the cough, but DB had one too. She probably was infected from her sister or brother.

Anyway, I did sort of let K know that DB's time with me is running short. She is too strong and active for me to keep her much longer. I just have to decide when I don't want to see her everyday anymore. That's the hard part (I write as tears are forming in my eyes).

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I can understand just wanting to answer to only yourself. Raising kids is hard and your life is no longer yours to do with as you please when you have children. I've got two and some days they just drag me down.

When the kids were little I had them in daycare part time. Some places will allow you to have them there just in the mornings or afternoons or maybe two or three days a week full time. This might be the answer for you all.