Thinned skin

I guess that title describes me to a "t." I find I do get my feelings hurt rather easily. I try to let things just roll off, but all too often they don't.

The baby shower held yesterday. As I later found out, the one whose house was used for the shindig didn't know until a few days before the glorious event that there were going to be so many people. She was beside herself. She acknowledged that her house doesn't hold that many people. Honestly, I don't know too many real homes that can accommodate that number of people. Fortunately, the weather was really nice, and the plethora of children could go outside to play which meant a lot of parents went with them to supervise especially since a pool was also present.

My feelings really got hurt when I walked in with that blasted diaper cake. That is supposed to be a centerpiece. I spend a good six or more hours so that it would be worthy. Without any note of it, it was placed on a side table. Even when gifts were opened, there was no noting of it.

Not only was the thing labor intensive, there was considerable cost involved. Just a large pack of disposable diapers costs a few coins - especially since she likes only P*mp*rs. Not any of the cheaper brands. Then when you begin adding little toys and other baby items into it, the cost rises even more. I don't count the fabric, thread, and ribbon into it. I have those things on hand, so I really don't know their cost per use. I buy large amounts of ribbon at a time - spools and spools. My fabric often comes from the remnant bin because there is a good amount for small projects like I do for a small amount of money. And I surely don't know how to calculate how much thread comes from a $5 spool. But there was the time factor. I don't charge for time - stupid.

There were favorable comments on the burb cloths, and the blanket was noted. The blanket wasn't the thing I was most proud of anyway. I never should have used such a plush blanket, and now I know that I should have put stabilizer on the top as well.

Even the man's diaper bag wasn't really looked at, and I think not really appreciated. I had enclosed a book written by Cosby that I had around here, and that was more appreciated than the other.

I'll post pictures in the next couple of days of the cake and burb cloths. I really don't have the time to download the camera right now, and I have to take the sewing machine in for its yearly check up on Tuesday since I'll be over there for my own check up with Dr. Cardio.

I guess things really started building up over the cake. There is a couple at C and B's church that makes really chunky jewelry using, among other things, antler cross sections. C really makes an effort to push that jewelry. She has never even said that mine is nice. I really think she thinks it is crap. That hurts. It seems that nothing that I produce is worth publishing to her friends and family.

At the end of the shower, there were little gift bags. I would guess there were around ten of them. They were given to various people - mostly her family, aunts and so on. K and I neither one got one. I don't know if they were thank you gifts for the work on the shower or what. K and I felt a little shunned.

I guess I am wearing my heart on my sleeve. I should be above this, and I should just suck it up and go on. But this is my place. This is where I can put my feelings. There is no other place where I can let this go. I can't tell G. He would think I was being silly. I can't tell K, she would be even more upset with C. I can't tell B - after all it's his wife, and he would, hopefully because it's the right thing, defend her. And he's my son, you don't tell your son these kinds of things.

So here it us. Laid out in all its ugliness. I hope this is my first step to healing the hurt I feel. I'm not going to be like my mother in law. I will not let this get in the way of my relationship because this would cause a deep fissure - I know for a fact.

Thanks for listening. I should just delete this. Peace.