Wow!

At first, I thought I wouldn't be able to get to this spot!  After about 30 years with Earthlink - my email address, I got dropped.  Just because I was getting an email address free for all this time - I mean gosh!  WAAAAY back when our cable company was Warner, then Time Warner, and now Comcast I signed up for my internet with Earthlink.  They were THE choice.  Of course then came Road Runner and so many more.  Yes - I have two Gmail accounts and a Yahoo account, but we just kept Earthlink.

I had been getting emails about my credit card having expired.  Well, yes, it certainly did.  But there are so many scams about money these days, I just ignored them.  I wasn't going to PAY for that service anyway - it was just an email account.  Then in December, they sent one saying they were going to close the account.  I didn't take it very seriously, but I DID make a copy of my address book - you know, just in case.

Well February 3, I was locked out.  So I decided Gmail was good.  I don't expect them to go belly up anytime soon.  So that there is a third email account with them.  This is where my problem for today began.  Without really thinking I went to the new account to sign in here.  When it was to set up a new blog, I realized my mistake and came to this account.  When I signed in, it wasn't MY PAGE.  I am so terrible with this form of social media, even after all these years, I was lost.  I thought this page was lost to me to write on!  But alas - here I am and I can continue with what I was going to say today!


Last week TJ's ex called to tell us that TJ was finally cremated.  The autopsy report came back indicating she had a heart attack.  There was a part of me that felt relief.  Her death wasn't something more lingering - until I thought about it more.  How long did the heart attack last?  Was she trying to get to her phone?  Was she suffering long?  I just was caught thinking about her dying alone.  All alone.  I know it had to be painful.  Was she afraid?

It was then I realized I am not over the whole incident.  I was thrown back into thinking about it all and worrying about what happened.  The autopsy report did nothing to stop my thinking about it.

Then last night at family dinner, my SIL was talking about the trade show he and his company was showing at.  He was saying in a booth about four down from them a chef was cooking but then told his colleagues that he needed to sit down.  He wasn't feeling right.  He then lost consciousness and died.  He had a heart attack - right there.

Why am I mentioning this?  Because it gave me hope that TJ died the same way.  She felt something different, knelt down (she died in a position like she was kneeling in prayer, but holding her midsection) and died.  How I hope this is what is was.  And it very possibly was.  She didn't thrash about.  She wasn't askew,  She was just kneeling.  How I hope it was quick as this man did.

Her ex went on about the internment.  I know we will be cremated.  But the kids are going to have to do something with our ashes,  I am not going to take up any land anywhere.  That's just me.  In this day and time, no one in big cities visits graves (or mausoleum either).  I haven't been to my parents' since Dad died.  We don't even go to San Antonio anymore.  But whatever.  The BIL and SIL will have say as to when that will happen.  Of course, no worry about when WE could make it - since we are the furthest away.  But ok.  that will be that.

The ex also asked if G wanted any of TJ's ashes.  G was rather astonished at THAT one, but the rationale was that DREW wanted some to put in a locket to wear around his neck.  I almost laughed out loud.  Good show, Drew.  You couldn't even show up for the memorial and you didn't stay long for the luncheon.  And it wasn't because you were so devastated by your mother's death.  You were high as a kite.

Still here

Yes, I am still around.  I just haven't felt like posting.  My old email provider just dumped us, and I have spent hours reloading my address book.  Fortunately even though they gave a warning, I get so many spam emails I ignored it, but I did make a hard copy of my address book.

When will I come back to posting.  I really don't know.