Friday, February 27, 2009

I give up - I think

Yes, here I am wildly waving a white flag. I give up - I am beaten.

Tuesday when we returned, I went to the mail box at the same time as my neighbor. Since my diagnosis, and following whilrwind treatments, I have become somewhat a recluse. We waved, and she came over toward me. I decided to come clean with what had been going on over the last two years.

During our conversation she reminded me of the fact that she had a partial knee replacement. Everyone I know who has had a partial or complete knee replacement is so glad they did it. Since I was absolutely miserable yesterday, I think I am waving the white flag. I think I will look into it. Maybe.

She told me her doctor had also replaced both of her husband's hips, and they love him. I had tried to get an appointment with him before Christmas when I was having the shoulder pain. The scheduling dude for them is a little less than stellar. When you call, you are put on hold because he "is on the other line." When you come off hold, you go to his voice mail which says he is away. You have to leave a message. He returns the call much later.

I think I may go ahead and run the gauntlet to get an appointment. I cannot stand the doctor I went to with my shoulder. If I had listened to him, I would be sitting here with my shoulder bound most of the time, and doing dreadfully painful physical therapy on it the rest of the time. I also would have less freedom of motion.

I am hesitant to go because I know he will tell me to lose weight. I know I have to lose weight. Knowing and doing are two separate things. I was successful with a lot of weight, then came the cancer. That slowed me and the lost weight found me. It had made new friends while absent from me, but brought them when it came back.

I have to do something. We have a vacation scheduled for August in Minnesota. It is another train convention - that means walking and standing. Those are both things that I cannot do now.

So my mind is made up - sort of.


Wednesday, February 25, 2009


We're back, and as usual when we are home, the day(s) are filled with "must do's." Today was the exterminator we have used for over 20 years. Last year we had a scare with termintes taking over an old storage building we lovingly called the greenhouse. We had him add termite treatment to our usual coverage. So it was time for that.

Our "yard man" is supposed to come today or tomorrow to cut down the forest of banana plants and jungle of grape vines for the year. He has cut our yards for 20 years or more. Living in Swampland means that you cut your grass - all year long. Yes it still grows. Of course, it doesn't grow as fast, but there are the leaves and so on that have to be picked up. We started using Lupe because we could n't get the kids to do it, or at least so that it wasn't a mess!

Our trip to Stings, Sticks or Bites was good. I spend the entire time cataloging my embroidery designs so I can find them. I probably have 2000 of them. They are supposedly in some order, but I still have trouble finding them. We'll see how this works. If it doesn't then I'll buy a program that does it - or so it says.

The downer was two fold. One we missed the Community Club meeting. One of the distant relatives did a presentation about the book her husband wrote especially for their grandchildren as he was dying of Lou Gehring disease. The book is really good. It has a message for us all, and it is meaningful to the larger family because he has some great anecdotes about some family members in it. (That entire community is the large family with the exception of two couples who managed to buy some property.)

The other downer was that the cousin that is our neighbor to the north (about 5 miles) has finally gotten her definitive diagnosis. She had not been able to keep food down for a couple of years. She has been degenerating rapidly. They thought it was an allergic thing at first. Now they know. It is terminal cancer that has already metastasized to the bone. It is just a matter of time.

When you think of that area, it is kind of scary. The cousin who spoke about the book had colon cancer shortly after they moved there. She is doing well right now. Her husband dies of Lou Gehring. I had breast cancer. She had the mystery disease that is now cancer, and her husband has been having some heart problems.

It would seem that there is something up there, but we all came from far differering parts of Texas. We haven't been there long. The only thing in common is that we are old. We don't recognize that we are old, but that is a fact. I wonder when I will think of myself as old?

Well, I need to get on the phone to call our pool guy. We need to replace our filter. It's only about 20 years old. I don't understand why it is wearing out! Could it be that it had to function everyday? That might be a clue.


Friday, February 20, 2009

No energy

I know I didn't get much sleep last night, but I am really dragging today. I was going to go back to the hospital yesterday, but I just didn't have the get up and go to go! It got up and went! I'm not much better today.

I really don't think that hospital could have found a room further away from where I have to park if they had tried. Of course, my knees pick this time to decide to act as though the joints are simply bone against bone. Wait! That's exactly what they are!

When the door to the hospital whoosh open, there is a covey of wheel chairs just sitting there, all poised. Do you know how tempting it is to just plop down on one of those babies and wheel away. So I sit here, thankful that I HAVE to stay here for a while to wait for the electrician.

The pull to see that baby is strong. I've only had him in my arms for about 10 minutes. He is a cute little snuggler. It appears the trial may wind down today fairly early, so that means we will take off in the morning for the SSB. I've been so positive about going until now. I have so many things I need to do here. But I will also miss that little sweetie coming home.

It's funny how you don't percieve getting older. Your mind still tells you that you are a youngster. Now the body, that's a whole different thing. My body is telling me I'm ancient. I have seen three difference bone docs. One of them has a big center across the atrium from where I go to see the baby. Yesterday George told me to go in there and tell them I need a new knee! Nope - that's the last thing I need.

Perhaps I will get a burst of energy here in a bit and I will tackle the trek to the hospital.

Have a good weekend! I probably won't be around until Wednesday since we will be with dial up until then.


Thursday, February 19, 2009

It really was a "B" day

It's a boy. He weight in at 7 pounds and 12 ounces. He was 21 1/2 inches long. I don't have the other stats - like head diameter. I forgot to get them. Poor Christina labored for 12 hours, and then
she ended with a C section. Her doctor thought all along that was a good possibility, but let her try anyway. Part of me wishes she would have just scheduled the section, but the other part of me knows it is better for the baby to be born.

Several times yesterday I was really alarmed for the baby. The heart beat would drop from its usual 145-150 to 70. That was so very alarming. During Krissi's labors, I was plastered to that monitor. I watched the whole thing like a hawk. With this one, I would watch the contractions lessen, and if she was on the wrong side (left) the heart rate would drop dramatically after a contraction. I was so afraid that a section would be called at any time.

They were adamant about the name. No one was to know (with the exception of her mother) until we were all together again after the baby. This caused me some angst because at first Christina didn't even want us to know the sex of the baby until we were all together again. That means even with the baby brought back from the nursery. Fortunately, that got squashed.

George and I left pretty soon after the birth. He had just gotten to the hospital right after the birth, but had been on the murder jury all day. The testimony yesterday was pretty tough. I had been there all day, and I really needed to come home. So we left without knowing the name.

When we got there this morning, they had just taken the baby for his hearing test. So the name wasn't mentioned. Krissi was there, but had to leave before he got back because she was reading to Katie's second grade class. When he got back, after a few moments, they told the name - with Krissi on the phone so she could hear as soon as we did. Basically, he is named for my father which is so fitting because Brian is his grandfather all over! So we now have little William.

I got to hold the little sweetheart. He is like so many newborns. He just sleeps until someone or something distrubs the status quo. He doesn't like that one bit.

So the little family will be in the hospital until Saturday. My son is so proud of his son. Last night watching them in the window of the transition nursery was really something. He would look into the baby's eyes and the baby would be looking back. The practical side in me kept telling me William could only see a shape, but my emotions were telling me dad and son were both deeply bonded.

Welcome to the family little William.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Today is "B" day

Today grandchild 4 is expected to make his/her appearance. I will be at the hospital for an undetermined length of time. Christina's mother has said she expects me to be there to keep her company, but I really am not looking forward to it. This will be experience #5 with pitocin. One was deeply personal, and the other 3 previous were with my own daughter. I know how much pain there is with this. I know my (and Krissi's) OB/Gyn says there is not difference in labor with or without. I would like to ask him when he personally experienced pitocin!!

Anyway, I hope to post tomorrow to tell the world that we have a happy, healthy baby _______. I think it will be at least 8 pounds. Christina's doctor said so much. When I looked at Christina Sunday evening, I didn't see how that baby could gain another ounce. There can't be any more room. Krissi and I are lucky - we are tall. Christina is not. She is miserable. She is hurting. A lot.

All this and the fact that I am working so hard to get my embroidery files together to get this business going makes me wonder. I know there is no absolute for anyone of us. None of us were given a ticket with the number of days we have on this earth. But I wonder if my cancer will return - soon.

I can't help but think I am spinning my wheels doing all this stuff. This is all such a waste of time.

I also think that only one of my grandchildren will remember me, and when she is 25 I'll be just a dim memory. That is the way I remember my maternal grandmother. My most vivid memory is when she was living with us. I remember standing beside the stove in the kitchen, and she had just made potato soup. That was probably the best thing I had ever tasted.

I was 16 when my other grandmother died, but I had not seen her in several years. Again, I don't know what happened there because something obviously happened to sever that relationship. Our pastor called us at 7 A.M. to ask if the person he had just read about in the obits. No one even called my Dad to let him know she was in bad condition. Anyway, as old as I was, I mostly remember staying out in the country with her overnight. We would be in bed and she would be reading her western pulp novels.

Sometimes I wish I could have a crystal ball to see what was in the future. But would it really change anything? I don't think so. I think I would go on living, as I really do now, thinking I am impervious to anything. Silly isn't it? But at least I might know the sex of that baby!


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I wish I had the same confidence

Krissi's job doesn't require a lot of travel, but it does happen. The problem with her company is they are used to being a "good ole' boy" company. It was a male dominated company who when they had meetings liked to turn them into frat parties. So they quite often have the parties out of town - away from wives. The "meetings" begin on the night before so they are in place and "ready to go" the next morning. Ha! They are hung over! That next evening, there is a dinner that usually has some sort of "awards," and the next morning when they finally wake, they can sober up and drive home. I know because I once went with her when my grandson was still a small baby who needed to nurse.

Now Steve is saying he can stay with the kids for the three days that she will be gone because he doesn't have to be out of town. If she could handle it, so can he. Nope. Not. At. All. I have referred to him before - a heart good as gold and big as Texas, but the man is a wuss. There is physical strength, but that is it.

So she asked me to call and check on him while he's gone. She is hoping to aleviate the calls (and he calls every 15 minutes and has from the get go) will be how he has a headache, he can't sleep, and on and on. I know him all too well after all these years. She does too, she just doesn't want to face it. He is incapable of taking care of three kids.

One of the last meetings that was in Galveston, he went with her and took the kids. She was absolutely miserable. He was upset pushing her to leave the evening functions. She didn't want to be at those functions, but the bosses expect her to be there. She was miserable. The kids were miserable.

When the meetings are here in downtown, she manages to leave and not stay in the hotel. She doesn't advertise it, just slips out. It puts great pressure on her. SHe knows she is going to be busted at any time.

It would be best if she would just quit, but first in this economy she doesn't want to give up her salary. She likes her job. It is fairly easy - most of the time, and has great benefits that include a vehicle. Also, his work history wouldn't give me much trust in nothaving a job. I have lost count of the number of jobs he has held since they have been together. They usually don't last much, if at all, over a year. So history tells her to keep hers!

I know she is completely stressed, and I wish I could do more to help. She has pressure from job and home life. But she is a big girl now. She, in some ways, made this bed in which she sleeps. When things like this would come up for me, I didn't have family in the area. We had to figure a way to handle it. We did. We were successful, but then George isn't prone to headaches. Hummmmm.


Monday, February 16, 2009

Feeling the past

Occasionally, I have such vivid memories of my childhood flooding back it takes my breath away. I can be doing something else, and here come those memories. They are so vivid that I can even feel soft summer breezes that would accompany those memories wafting around me.

I enjoy such times. I enjoy remembering my youth, my family and those places that were dear to me. I just wish I could save them for my children and grandchildren. I have this silly notion that those memories would be as pleasing and mean something to them as well.

Before I had to move Dad and Vivian here to live, I remember sitting at their kitchen table talking about Dad's memories. He had talked about them before, but dumb little twit I was, I didn't really pay attention. After all, he would be here forever, right. Even on this occasion, I didn't listen as closely as I now with I had, nor did I ask questions to delve further into family.

When I fully realized he was in the middle to latter stages of dememtia, I decided that if I were to know more about my family, I would have to be the one to research it. That launched me whole-heartedly into genealogy. I had already lost my mother in 1972, and as an only child, who is basically separated from the little extended family we had, I better get moving. It was way too late with my mother, and really too late with my dad.

After moving him here, when I would take him to various doctor's appointments, he would make statements that I thought were really off base. He would take about his sister, Florence. I thought he was really off somewhere because I knew of only one sister - Helen. As I did more work, I discovered he did have another sister. She died in 1935 of a respiratory disease.

I could go on and on about the strange and wonderful things I have discovered in my genealogical quest. In fact, I have discovered that George and I have common relatives about 8 times removed!

I know my children and grandchildren still don't share my quest for information about family. They are wrapped up in just trying to keep up with the present relationships. That is day to day living. I know at some point, they may want to look back and discover from where they came. The information will be there. I have done my family, and I have done George's family -at least that that no one else has done. Thank heavens for those on his side that already had that spark ignited. But the records are there and waiting.


Saturday, February 14, 2009


Oh, how I hate telemarketers! But I have to shamefully admit I was one - once - when I was in college - for about 2 days.

I wanted some spending money, so I took a job at one of the local newspapers. Just thinking about newspapers brings other thoughts to mind, but I am not going to ramble.

I really thought it would be an easy job. I liked talking on the phone. That was the absolute worst job I had ever had. In fact, that may be the cause of my aversion to talking on the phone these days. I really don't like it.

With my aversion to said people, I figured that my registration with the National No Call list had expired since I would get one or more calls daily from one of the blasted people - even on my cell! That is sacred. Not many people I know have that number much less the lowest of the low!

The calls I get are to either extend the warranty on my vehicles. The newest vehicle we have is a 2002. The others are 1999 - with the exception of the 1967 farm truck and the 1965 MGB that still sits in the garage after G shorted out the electrical system (another story for another time).

I finally would take these calls. I told them that sure - I was interested. My car is a, ready for this, a 1965 MGB. The telemarketer didn't find any humor in that. Well, waste my time - I'll waste yours.

The other calls are to get me a better percentage rate on my credit card. My credit card people already don't like me. I don't have a balance. I use one of them in place of a check book. So that means it is used a lot. But at the end of the month, I pay my balance and collect my cash back.

Today I had enough. I took the call. The question was if I had more than $3000 credit card debt. I replied no, and then I had the audacity to ask the name of the company. The slug on the line said something, but I told her she had better check her no call list because I was on it. She hung up on me, but then I am accustomed to that. When I play mind games they do that.

Perhaps one way of stopping these intrusions is for people to take them and play mind games with them. But I have started a log of these calls. I will put the number down, the date, and what happened.

I know this has to be the worst job in the world, but really . . .

Peace - even to telemarketers. By the way - Happy Valentine's Day!

Friday, February 13, 2009

It will be the 18th

That's the date the newest grandchild is scheduled to make his/her appearance. Daughter in law went to her Ob/Gyn yesterday. She asked to be induced since her feet are like bubbles rather than feet. Before and when she got pregnant, she was absolutely against this. As time has gone on, she has grown weary of being pregnant. Yes, it does get old, doesn't it?

Her doctor told her the hospital wouldn't induce until she was 39 weeks. She reminded the doctor that would be Monday. So, it is set for her to go on Tuesday to get her papers, then show up at the hospital at 5 A.M. on Wednesday - that is if there is a bed. So that will be the fly in the ointment.

I was getting ready to work on my blog list that used to be over there on the left only to find it has disappeared. I don't know where it went, but it is simply gone. I guess I have done too much tweeking, and there simply wasn't enough room. Humm.

This month has been dental month for us. Most of us go to the same practice. C went two weeks ago, B and G went on Monday even though at different times and to different hygienists, and I went yesterday to the same one B had on Monday. The baby is the talk of that bunch!! Simone went today. I'm a little worried. She is not a young dog. Her actual age is a mystery, but I think she is about 8. She is in good health, so I don't think the anesthesia will be a factor. What bright clean teeth we have!

All the people at the dental practice asked if I was so excited. I don't know how other grandmothers are, but this is number 4! I know it is number 1 for my son and wife, but for me - number 4. That doesn't mean I am just completely unemotional. I am looking forward to this birth. I'm looking forward to holding a tiny baby again. I'm looking forward to learning just what it is. I will love it completely. I am apprehensive, hoping the birth will be completely normal and this baby is perfectly healthy. I have all those feelings, but excited. Not so much - at least by my definition.

When I emailed G with the news, his question was "will we still go to the SSB that weekend." My reply was simply "yes." For C's mother this is a first. It is her daughter and her first grandchild. She should have the weekend to be with the baby. I've had that experience - three times. I will gladly let her have that wonderful experience.

Well, this has been rambling at its worst. I'm sitting waiting for B*st Buy again to complete the installation of their equipment. I think it is going to be a Friday the 13th experience. The last crew gave me a tight time frame. This one just said between 9 and 11. I see trouble ahead. Wish me luck.


Thursday, February 12, 2009

I made them free!

I surely didn't start out to make burp cloths free, but that's what I did. I had a "little old lady from Pasadena" (the one who is elderly at 58!) order seven customized burp cloths. She visited web site where I foolishly placed them on sale. But I was still happy. There would still be a profit. Not as much, but a profit nevertheless.

We were supposed to meet Sunday. That didn't happen. I had not done my homework. I had not investigated what shipping would cost. I asked G what he thought. What a waste of time!! I asked daughter, my partner. She didn't know. We guessed perhaps $2.50. How naive we were.

After my fiasco yesterday, I went to buy an envelope to place the cloths in. It was $1.99. Not looking good here. I was ready to mail said envelope. This part is my own fault. I went to a private mailing place. I surely didn't know he got that much profit. Anyway, the total of this little mailing event was right at $10. I'm losing ground quickly here.

The diapers probably cost less that $1 each. I did buy fabric especially for these, but there is so much left and it makes such cute burp cloths, I really don't want to add that in. Plus it hurts too much. I don't know how to measure the cost of the thread. I don't add in fabric and thread, I made 66 cents. At this rate, well you can finish this statement.

I can hope that llfP will see the postmark, take pity on me, and send another check for additional postage, and/or she will send business my way. I know there is another option, but I won't do it. I could call her and ask if she would send more money for the postage, but I made the foolish mistake. She didn't. I, for better or worse, stand by my word.

I have to look at it this way. I paid to learn a lesson. Same as when I was in college. After all was said and done, I used the computer to find out shipping costs from both the post office and Big Brown. I got smart enough to bookmark those pages! I'm not a slow learner - nope! If this is the biggest mistake I will ever make in my life or in this business, I will be so lucky. It takes a kick in my butt to really get me moving these days. I consider myself so kicked. I won't make that mistake again.

I have learned a lot during the last three weeks with this entire process. I've set up a business email, I have posted my items on a published list, I have actually made a web site for the business (which is really time consuming and an ongoing project), set up PayPal, and found what costs are involved with shipping. This meets my need to keep my brain active, and the need to learn new skills. I really believe non learning something new contributed to my dad's dementia. I really want to do all I can to beat dementia. So I'm on a journey to beat cancer and dementia. Wish me luck.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Two posts in one day!

And two posts are due to the fact that I am so angry I could chew nails and spit tacks. Plus I have just narrowed my stable of physicians by one.

I got to the radiation oncologist office this mornings. All was normal including signing all the Hippa forms - again. After a few minutes, the nurse called me back, took my weight (gasp), put me into a room, took my blood pressure. All the normal things.

She left me with the gown reminding me that it opens in the front. But I could tell when she left the room that Dr R wasn't in the office yet. I undressed and donned the gown. I sat in the chair and resumed reading my book.

After a few minutes, the nurse sheepishly returned telling me that there was a problem. Dr R wasn't there, in fact she had not left her home yet. She wasn't feeling well that morning. Apparently she had not called in at that point! Now just what kind of a job, and yes, being a physician is a job, allows you to just not show up.

They said I had three options: wait about 30 minutes in the exam room, come back in about 1 hour or after lunch. I told them after lunch - which is after 1:30 (they get from 12 - 1:30). I have elected choice d - none of the above.

I was a lowly teacher. What do you think would have happened if I just decided to not show up for my first three classes without calling? Heck, I was very frowned upon if I didn't call by 6am of the morning I wouldn't be in. I don't know why Ms India Doctor feels that she can do this type of thing.

After consulting with daughter and husband, trying to be sure that I am not acting too impulsively, I have made the decision the only one benefiting from this relationship is the radiation oncology practice. She will do a visual exam and sometimes palpates, but there is nothing else -- other than her strange (at least to me) Middle Eastern medical theories.

I will not stop seeing my oncologist. At least he has a blood test to read the CA25, 27 markers to mark tumor growth. I will tell him that I'm not going to the radiation oncologist. When, and if, the radiation office calls, I will tell them I'm not coming back. I don't have a relationship with this doctor, and I don't like what she pulled this time at all!!

I need to watch my insurance EOBs now. They better not charge the insurance for this "visit."

Peace. (now I've got to find mine)

Another job I don't want to do

Getting this laptop was probably one of the worst things that could have happened. This little gem allows me to sit at the breakfast room table and watch cable shows while I do my computer stuff. Otherwise I would be in the "study" with the little battery/power cord portible tv that will be obsolete in a new months since it recently got a reprieve!

For most normal people that wouldn't be a problem at all. OK you use a computer at the table instead of the (old, slow) CPU in the room for it. Yep, for normal people, no problem at all. But if we have a room that is not being used, it is all too easy to become a catch all for "things that I don't want to deal with at the moment.." That moment has been going on for years now. Time flies, don't you know.

So what this means is that everything we want to keep the grandchildren out of are in there. Papers that I need to file are in there. The clear spot is the bed that resides in there. G will move there on the nights before he has to work to escape the two snorers in the master. He gets it stereo - me and the dog.

Before I go on, he is not innocent! He does his share of snoring too. I can't sleep in the study bed however because it doesn't support me well enough. I end up on the sofa in the den!

But I digress. G announced that he was going to work on (shudder) the income tax this weekend. These times bring great drama to the house as it is, but he has to use that computer. Right now he cannot even see that desk or the chair which is his fault because he piles things in that chair for my action. Since I never go in there except to put things on the desk, they don't get acknowledged.

But the mountain of stuff piled on the desk and threatening to leak to the floor still has to be dealt with. But I am like a three year old - I don't want to. I have three days to finish that task. Perhaps if I do as all the "organization experts" advise - set a timer for 10 minutes. That may solve my problem - ha!


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Venting - again

Before my first grandchild was born, I had read someplace that keeping a journal for that child was just the thing to do. So I marched out and purchased said journal. Along came Lady Bug, and I would write in that journal religiously. I related things from my past, family history, and the like. It was rapidly filling.

Then came Monkey Boy (and C's miscarriage). So I marched out and bought two new journals. That's when I came to the conclusion there was no way I could match LB's journal because I didn't want to copy all that stuff in her journal. Plus I was no longer newly retired searching for things to fill my days. I was also keeping Monkey who was by far a greater challenge than LB had been.

It was then I first discovered blogging. I read blogs religiously. I had (still have) an extensive list of blogs I read. The idea of keeping a journal for the grandchildren was still in my mind though. So after thinking long and hard, Musings was born. It was first designed to be an electronic journal for my grandchildren.

Somewhere along the line, that focus shifted a little. My best friend is still working. In fact her job is really more time consuming than teaching. She is often out of the country. So I found myself with no one to vent to. This place became that place.

Daughter will vent to me about her in-laws, job, and even husband, but I know that I cannot vent to her about some topics - her husband being one. She becomes, as should be, the protective lioness.

S is a good hearted fellow, and he is so very good to her. That is the important thing. But his parents damaged him terribly. His family is well documented here.. They are nothing but trash. Sad but true.

Because of that, he is still hung up on possessions. He had a need for earthly things. They bought their flat screen before us. Before that, they had to have the huge model of TV. I don't know how big that sucker was, but it was huge. We got our new tv last week. This weekend I mentioned that we were going to go ahead and have the Hi Def cable box put in. By golly, he called to get his provider out - today.

What's the problem? Well, he and K were going to a meeting about putting Monkey into a bridge program. He is old enough for kindergarten next year, but he is clearly not ready. He would be one of the youngest in the class. The maturity simply isn't there. Our wonderful school district, yeah, the one where I slaved for 20 years, will not hold them back in kindergarten. The standards for going on are so low that everyone goes on to first grade. They will retain in first, second, so on. That's when it does have more meaning to the child. So they are looking into that program at a local church.

S forgot about this important program in his zeal to have Hi Def. LB was stuck down with strep again yesterday. I got a call early this morning. They wanted me to watch her during the meeting. No problem. I love having her. Except they wanted me to come to their house because the technician was going to come.

Today is my only day that doesn't require me to leave the house. I want to stay here. They don't have their wireless hooked up, so I can't do my internet stuff. Whine.

Anyway, I still feel S put status ahead of his child. I am probably being too harsh. He needs to have a little more understanding I guess, but . . .

This is why the blog is not for the grandchildren as much anymore. Before I die, I guess I better get in here and purge!


Monday, February 09, 2009

I'm still here!

Things really got away from me last week. I am not used to having things to do!! I was proud of the order for the seven burp cloths. They all turned out to be really cute. The "little old lady from Pasadena" ended up with a family emergency and could not drive all the way across what seems like the nation. We literally are at opposite ends of the area and in different cities.

I was so tickled when she thought she would be able to meet and exchange money for merchandise. She described them as "elderly." When she called back after the crisis in her life subsided a bit, she was describing her sister (who was the crisis) as being 68. I thought OK, must be a younger sister. No! This lady, Paula, is 58!!! She would really think I am elderly. I just couldn't admit to my 63 years! We are going to take care of all by mail.

The kids were all here for dinner last night, and things went surprisingly well. There is usually a current of, well, concealed dislike. Can't call it anything nicer. The in-laws don't really like one another. I usually spend the night on pins and needles, but it was peaceful last night. C is ready to have that baby, and she is very concerned that her feet look like they belong on the Pillsbury Doughboy. They are so swollen, bless her heart.

She is also concerned about the timing of this baby coming into the world. B has a gig this weekend. He has never had to cancel a gig in these many years, and he doesn't want to now. However, he won't miss the arrival of this baby either. Then we have the Rodeo coming up at the end of the month. There is a BIG do before - the Bar-be-que cook off that runs several days. It is important to his career that he and his band play that event. He gets the cream of bookings there - weddings. He worked hard to get into the cook off, and really doesn't want to lose it.

C is just so done. Mothers you all know where she is. She is 39 weeks, and feels like this is a terminal condition. Up to this point, she didn't want to even consider induction. She was going to wait it out. She really didn't want drugs either. One of their close friends is a dula and will be with her. Vanessa seems to have a real grip on labor and delivery. After talking to C, she was assured that she doesn't have to be a woman warrior. I'm glad. C has come a long way from a home water birth to considering induction AND drugs.

This is another full week. Wednesday is what I will consider the most useless day. I see the radiation oncologist, and I will leave with no more information than I have right now. She will just give me more of her Indian medicine lore and an appointment for 6, 9 or 12 months later. And so it is!


Thursday, February 05, 2009

Scheduling conflicts

Most days, I sit here with nothing to do really. I do find a lot of things to keep myself busy, but there are no appointments per se.

But occasionally I get slammed with appointments. This is one of the two times a year that is chock full of doctor/dentist appointments. Now that I have joined the sewing club, that comes up the first Thursday of the month, and then we added to it all when we bought the new entertainment center last week.

All things met today. I was supposed to see the radiation oncologist, which is still a puzzle to me. I don't know why I see her. She looks, pokes and gives me another dose of her Middle Eastern folk medicines! I never could understand why she advised me to drink only regular temperature water - no ice, but that's a whole other story.

Today is also club meeting day. I really wanted to go, and perhaps I still can. They have morning, afternoon, and evening meetings. If I can I'll go to the 1:30 one.

But right now, here I sit waiting for delivery of the new stuff. I thought they would arrive early, but there are differing definitions of early. I am scheduled for morning, but there are still many hours in "morning."

G really hates the store where we purchased the stuff. I am very nervous about how this is all going to play out. When I was getting ready to move furniture, because the G*ek Squad is not supposed to move any furniture, I realized that I didn't know how big the stand was. So, I went on line to get the specs on that piece. It was then I decided I would read reviews of that stand. Fine time to do that - since it has been paid for! But that's me.

The biggest thing that was negative about the piece was that assembly was a bear. Well - that's what I paid them for. I just hope they check it out before they leave with it to make sure it is all there and in good conditions.

I think I will have them in my house for at least three hours. It appears that just the stand will take at least 1 hour. So the big question is just when they will arrive.

I think I will be canceling my club meeting today too!


Wednesday, February 04, 2009

I hate the wait

When I picked up the mail from the weekend from the box, one of the first things I saw was an envelope with the medical center return address and logo on it. I didn't think too much about it until I saw it was from the breast center. That took me rapidly back to December 2006. The letter was from the mammography place I used then. It was an abnormal mammogram.

With dread, I opened the envelope. There were two pieces of paper inside. Each was a letter. It was the results of the mammogram and ultrasound. Panic hit me like a tidal wave. I quickly scanned them. It was to report the results as normal. I was so relieved tears came to my eyes. Last year they didn't send letters. I guess they changed their routine. And I am glad. They treated me so very well. Even at the end of the ultrasound, the physician came in to tell me that on a quick inspection, they all looked normal.

I still hate this waiting between oncologist visits though. When I was going through the sheer hell of chemo, I hung on the marker readings much more than my other blood levels. It has been five months since my last visit with Dr Poison. I don't see him until next month. It feels like an eternity.

I think I am worried because my energy level is nothing. I am tired all the time. The other thing that has me concerned it the headache that is with me a lot of the time. I keep thinking the headache is from sinuses. I just don't know. It could be due to my glasses being too far out of date. I don't know but it is there.

The fatigue could be part of what I think is depression. My emotions are all over the place. I break into tears for no good reason. But then, I think my little pink pills that ward off all that nasty old estrogen could be the cause of my mood.

I really do just hate the wait.


Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Our weekend - again

The weekend was really rather quiet. I spent almost all day Saturday and a good part of Sunday opening zip files of downloaded embroidery designs. I couldn't believe how many I had!!

The part of Saturday I wasn't working on the computer I participated in something I had never done before. We made venison link sausage. I have made breakfast sausage myself, and this year we did it at the neighbors because he has a terrific grinder. It took just a few minutes to grind that meat where it takes me most of the day because our grinder will burn out if it gets too much pushed through it!!

We decided we would do some link this time. It really was fun, and very, very easy. The only thing is that it couldn't be smoked because E had already closed up the smoke house for the year. But that was ok. We had some for dinner Sunday night, and it was pretty good.

I am totally sleep deprived. Simone has always been an occasional snorer. But this weekend she was the champ. She out-snored G! I tried to sleep in another bedroom, but I am so funny about beds. I don't sleep in different beds very well - even if they are in my own house. I think she was so bad because it is so dry up there - especially for us swamp dwellers. One day the humidity in the closest big city (Capitol City) was 8%! But she is going to get to have her teeth cleaned soon. Ill have her checked out.

Before leaving on Friday, I checked the business email. I got a good chuckle out of it. A woman emailed asking for a close up of the diaper cake, and then asked what else I had for a little girl for last weekend. Our cakes are custom. I guess I need to make that really obvious. I told K about it, and her response was we should make some generic ones to have on hand. I guess that's a good point. I started that with some of the burp cloths - that's why I am five short instead of three for the recent order. Well, three or five, I still have to go out today to get more so it doesn't really matter.

I guess this is something that is in our society today. Even though items are advertised as being custom made and personalized, the expectation is still there that something of that quality still can be had on the spot. So, I will begin making the bands for the cakes in a generic design. Putting the cake together only takes a few minutes. Sounds like a plan.