Mothers and daughters

The mother/daughter relationship is something of a wonder. Some mothers and daughters fight like tigers all through their lives. Others become best friends. I’m not sure why the relationships develop the way they do.
My relationship to my own mother was more adversarial than friendly. Being an only child is really a problem. I never wanted to be an only child, but I had no control over that decision! My cousin recently told me that my mother would give me anything I wanted. I don’t quite remember it that way. Now don’t get me wrong - I did have a number of things. It was my aunt who really spoiled me. She would buy the most expensive dresses and toys.
My mother never let an opportunity slip my without reminding me about how much she did for me. In other words, she was a master at putting me on a tremendous guilt trip. That does wonders for your self confidence. It was well gee, she is doing all of these things for me, and I am such a lout I don’t deserve it. I finally simply stopped listening.
She also thought everyone in the world did things better than I. This extended into adulthood. When we bought our first house, it was like so many others in the Houston area with no curbs because there were bar ditches for drainage. I overheard her speaking to the aunt who also lived in Houston when they were visiting. She was incensed that I didn’t have a house with curbs! But this was par for the course.
We had horses at the time. Sugar was technically mine, and Wendy was G’s. Which horse do you think she thought was better? Bingo! It was Wendy. Another bad choice by me. See, I can’t do anything right.
I observe relationships like mine all around. Some are much worse. I think putting 200 miles between us also helped. I was 22 when she died. She never got to see grandchildren, and I often wonder how she would have reacted. I’ll never know, but I’ll bet someone else would have better children.
I vowed I would never have that type of relationship with my children. I never put them on a single guilt trip. They knew I did things for them because I wanted to. They never asked to be in my life, I did. I never compared them to others where they would be in an unfavorable light. If I were to compare them, it would be to point out their better points.
My daughter and I are truly friends today. I value our relationship. We live within a mile of each other, and we spend most weekends together. We have our little candle and craft "business" together. We occasionally make a local craft show and make a few pennies. We generally talk at least once a day. I treasure this relationship, and I wish all mothers and daughters could have what we have.
My relationship with my son is also good, but since he had married it has changed a bit. We still have good conversations, but not as often. We are diametrically opposites when it comes to politics, so we just listen politely. I miss the closeness we once had, but he has another relationship to work on. That is the important one.